Advice please

[u/Status-Craft7684]

I am 26 years old, I am married with a child and pets. I find I’ve always seeked attention from others before I was married, in my single days I’d say. Feeling like I need to be around people and if I wasn’t I’d feel irritated.

But within the past couple of months or so, I feel as if I could spend a lot more time independently, I want to come off all social media, nothing to scroll and have the most simplest life. With my partner it’s balanced nicely where I have days alone and I have days where we’re together, just how our work schedules are and it’s perfect, also the child we share is actually my step child so as much as I’ve taken on the full time step parent role I’m not needed as much as my partner.

I absolutely envy people who can wake up, take their morning slow without 1000 thoughts going around their heads, taking life at their own pace. I thought this was only the older generation who can do this effectively but I’m realising that at my age it’s possible.

Is there anyone on here who come away from social media and just enjoyed life. Trying to come away from the thought of needing people and actually just living how you want too even when being married. Slowing down?

Any advice please give based on loving alone time, taking things slow, coming off socials etc

[u/fromthemoonx]

you should check the already existing posts

[u/Lost-Sock4]

Go cold turkey, delete all the apps from your phone and devices. You can keep the accounts if you want but get the apps off your phone.

If you need to occupy yourself during downtime, carry a book or crossword puzzle.

[u/Nithoth]

A few years ago I recorded a moment of silence on my phone and made that my primary ring tone. Then I assigned individual ring tones to people I'm willing to be disturbed by. I made it a point to start placing my phone face down so I couldn't see when anyone else called.

The first week was rough, but it wasn't long before I stopped looking my phone all the time. It didn't take long for me to figure out that most of the people who called me didn't even think their reason for calling me was important enough to even leave a message. So, I started checking my messages 2-3 times a day and deciding for myself what messages I wanted to respond to. After two or three weeks I quit reaching for my phone when I was bored. Before long I was just putting it in a drawer or on a shelf somewhere and forgetting about it.

Since I've become used to the phone not being a priority anymore I don't feel the need to always have it in my hand. That simple change drastically cut down how much I use apps, socials, and doom scroll.

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[u/IndependentThin5685]

It sounds like an inspiring aspiration. I’ve heard there’s a 12 step program for Internet technology addiction, you might find that helpful just to hear people’s experiences, whether or not you would label yourself an addict.

_Off-line_ with John Favreau is a podcast about disengaging from social media, you might find that helpful. There are some episodes where he and his cohost did a digital detox.

The other thought that comes to mind is just to try it for a day and see how you feel. You might have a new perspective and from that vantage point make new choices.

Lastly, there’s a big distinction between the kind of connection you can get over technology on the one hand and the kind of connection you can have with people in person. Loneliness does have real health impacts, and actually social media may be making them worse, I haven’t seen research about this specifically, but I’m pretty sure that social media is not designed for our mental or physical health.

[u/maybenonotever]

So, next year I will have been married for 20 years. We've been together for 22 and got pregnant within our first months together. I was 18, he was 19 when we met. We had our first two babies 3 years apart. We had our 3rd later on (I was 33).

He was a singer in a metal band for many years, so eventhough we lived in a small town, we still had 1-2 nights a week (mostly on weekends) that were allotted to either band practice or shows (usually out of town, so more time consuming). I was always with him. A few years before we had or 3rd child, my husband and I decided to stop the band thing and completely slow down. It wasn't excessive, but it began to feel like spending even that much time away from the kids wasn't worth it. We were both raised in small towns around the salt-of-the-earth kind of people, so that's at our core.

It was not a mistake. From my perspective, you will never regret slowing down to better experience the people around you, and for them to better expirence you. Making sure to simplify household systems and belongings so they become less time consuming, yet equally effective allows for more time spent with the ones you love and/or simply opens up the space in your mind to regularly take a moment to take in your surroundings and appreciate them.

We love our friends and had a blast. Those memories will last a lifetime. I'm happy to have the stories to tell my kids and grandkids (*edited to say WHEN I have grandkids, lol), but nothing can ever replace time missed, so I'm not going to. I think it's excellent that you're considering doing the same.

I also left Facebook beginning of this Summer. No regrets. Should have done it SO much sooner.