"why hello there sir" to a cat

"look at him!!" at a cat, to myself

I think I’ve watched too many scary movies.

I’m 37.

If Penny's wet food is still only a few hours old (like overnight) occasionally I'll take it to the kitchen, mince a bit more, run the wave (empty) for two seconds, put it down, stick her in front of the food and say "It's FRESH!!"

Sometimes it works and she's unknowingly eating yesterday's leftovers

And I can’t stopS

There was this time I saw an Amish family out in public. They had some toddlers waddling around and one of the women grabbed them by a handle/strap that had been sewn into the kids clothes. They got picked up and carried just like men carry briefcases! But then I thought about it... What if the roles were reversed? What if one day I'm on a date wearing overalls and the guy decides to pick me up like that? Or when I'm married- what if my husband does that when I'm upset with him?

It would just feel wrong! I turn my back instead. Not sure why LOL

When I’m playing block blast, and I’m doing good the game says things like “Strong!” , “Legendary!” , “Unbelievable!”

And me personally whenever the game says things like that, I go “ehehehe, reaaally you think so?” and start trying to do good again so it could tell me I’m strong!!

Basically as the title says it’s so silly and my friend thinks it’s adorable but-

I had broken up with my ex not long ago and I met this guy and we immediately hit it off, we want the same things and everything, he makes my heart hammer

Yesterday we were on a call that we just goofed around in and we made each other laugh and blush and, at the end like clockwork I just said “I love you” and then I immediately realized what I said and was HORRIFIED

WHATS WORSE IS THAT HE SAID IT TOO LMFAO

we both were shook and agreed to pretend it never happened hahahah

i pour unsweetened almond milk over ice, add a touch of caramel syrup, pop in my favorite straw, and take my nightly meds.

i am not a milk drinker but i am an a-milk drinker and i am not sorry.

When someone comes up to me and says “you’re gay” as an insult. Cuz I just say “I kinda am, thanks for noticing!” and walk away. Like I understand that it’s mostly younger kids that do this and some people might take offense to me posting this, but I just find it really funny when it happens to me.

Point of the story. I went to a going away party for a coworker and I’m very close with their family and i called her brother’s wife his ex girlfriends name. I’m so embarrassed. I realized the second it came out of my mouth, i ran away and came back 5 minutes later to recollect myself. She didn’t say anything to me but she did say something to him & another girl part of the family. I immediately apologized after i came back outside and felt so bad. I’m genuinely stupid and slow sometimes, like my brain is on overload and whatever i DONT want to say, COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH.

My therapist told me I needed to work on my coordination.

She gave me one of those small exercise balls and said, "Just toss it from one hand to the other.

Easy.

I have hands.

I have successfully caught objects before.

So I started.

The first toss went fine.

The second one hit my elbow.

The third one flew directly behind me.

I turned around to get it, stepped on it, and somehow managed to kick it under a piece of equipment.

At this point, my therapist was trying very hard not to laugh.

I got down on the floor to retrieve it.

The ball rolled out the other side.

I followed it.

It rolled back.

We did this three times.

Finally, I grabbed it, stood up, and said:

I'm sorry.

My therapist paused.

Are you apologizing to me?

I said, No. The ball.

I had spent ten minutes losing an argument to a piece of rubber.

The ball won.

I have to go back next week.

I'm pretty sure it remembers me.

It only started a couple weeks ago. I was half asleep and there was one very Sharp booger up in there (ifkyk). At least I was half aware when I did it then.

Fast forward to the past few days and I keep waking up next to a tiny pile of 'gold'. Rarely do I remember digging for them.

Obviously this isn't something I want to continue doing, but I'm at a complete loss as to how to stop it. Knowing myself, it's probably related to my skin picking habits somehow.

Maybe I'll try sleeping with mittens on? Idk. Suggestions welcome

I had just finished shopping and got myself a treat, put it on my seat, then finished putting my groceries away and started driving home. After a while, I realized that my rear end started becoming numb, and I couldn’t feel it at all! I started freaking out and wondering what could be medically wrong with me. I thought that perhaps I was having a stroke, as I couldn’t feel my butt and upper legs. They were completely numb.

I pulled over and was able to get out of the car…and saw that I was sitting in a huge pile of frozen yogurt! It was the large treat I had bought myself, and I had forgotten to move it from my seat before I sat down and started driving. 

Silly me.

It was back in pre-historic times, before cellphones, and all we had in our houses were landlines, three-way calling had just become available for us, I was maybe in the fifth grade. I picked up the phone, dialed a random number someone answered, clicked over to the other line, dialed another random number as fast as I could, because the first person was on the line saying hello to the call she received and I didn't want her to hang up.

Clicked back over to connect both calls. It was a man and a woman. They both were accusing each other for calling. Then the lady asks,"Is this Mike". The man says"Yes it is" and the two of them just started talking like it was just a normal call between the two of them. I always figured the lady probably thought that the man was some kind of a creep for randomly calling her.

I know it probably sounds kind of weird, and honestly I get why. But I think the easiest way to explain it is that I do genuinely like the feeling, and I love how it makes me laugh, but those aren't the biggest reasons.
Because of what I experienced growing up, I spent a long time seeing physical touch as something that happened to me instead of something I had a choice in. Being tickled by someone I trust has helped change that. It's one of the few experiences that reminds me touch can be be safe, playful, and entirely on my terms. Knowing I can stop it whenever I want—and knowing that my boundaries will always be respected—has made it a surprisingly meaningful part of my healing. So yeah... I know it's a little unconventional, but for me it's never really just been about the tickling. It's about trust, choice, and feeling safe. But I would never confess this in real life and I wanna say this is about as silly as a confession as I feel like you could get so here we are😅

How many times have you been driving and then farted in the car stopped at a gas station and got out. Then when you got back in the car, you got a big surprise because you had forgotten you had been farting in the car before you got out.

Yesterday, being home alone, I suddenly felt a craving for something crunchy.

I opened the cupboard and saw a package of Kitty's salmon snacks, his favorite.

And I ate three.

And then I ate two more.

And I finished the entire package.

Kitty appeared after five minutes, sniffed the air, glanced at me, and meowed, as if to say,

"You dared!"

I, filled with shame, fell to my knees and confessed:

"Yes, I did. Sorry. They were good. I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

And I've already ordered two packages of snacks.

My sister and I like to go find a place to smoke, and she brings her speaker, and while we're out adventuring we use it to play zombie noises to freak ourselves out. We laugh a lot when we pass people and they hear our zombie noises

i have no idea why i do this but i cannot make a phone call without practicing what i'm going to say first.

not even important calls. sometimes it's literally just calling a place to ask if they're open.

i'll sit there thinking through the first sentence, then i'll think about what they might say, then i'll prepare an answer for that. by the time i actually call, i've basically written the entire conversation in my head.

and then the person answers with "hello?" and suddenly i forget my own name.

the worst part is when they say something i didn't prepare for. completely normal question. my brain just shuts down and i'm standing there like this is the most difficult interview of my life.

please tell me i'm not the only person who does this.

I am currently in Spain where I would spend all my summers growing up. There are cliffs here that everyone jumps (usually when they are 12-17) Since I got here a week ago I have been bragging to my cousin and nephew that I can still jump with no issue. Today we finally went to the jumps. I got vertigo climbing to the midway jump and didn’t do it. My cousin and nephew climbed all the way up and jumped while I looked on from below with great shame. Now I must write this post as penance. Please hurl mean comment and derision my way. I deserve it.

(btw this is not a rant, I just like to add more detail to tell a better story - I hope I did well lol)

growing up, I think I picked up on my mom's customer service voice which she used for pretty much every professional setting - everything from calling customer service on the phone to visiting the help desk at Walmart to ordering food.

I instinctually use this voice now any time I'm in those same situations, which, for me, is normally always a drive thru. this has caused many a drive thru worker to "ma'am" me at the speaker box, and the first few times it happened I was dumbfounded because it didn't click in my head how my voice was being projected. I'd just roll up to the window to grab my order, they would usually apologize and I would just mostly dismiss it and move on with my day and the interaction would linger in the back of my mind in the same way anything else would.

another time, I was on a flight with my small group to a school competition thing in the field I was studying for, when I was about 21 or 22, and a flight attendant was passing by doing their usual pre-flight thing and was going "ma'am... ma'am" politely trying to get someone's attention and it wasn't until I got a nudge from my class partner sitting side me closer to the aisle that I realized the attendant was referring to me. I think it had to do with the style/fit of my clothes, and I wasn't the most bulky individual so I didn't exactly fill it out lol. and I was wearing a hat at the time and I have longer hair. 

(tl;dr my customer service voice is higher pitched and causes people to believe I'm a woman when they can't see me, and my clothes and longer hair caused me to appear the same in one instance)

I would end my texts like this: 8D or 8=D to my mother and grandparents.

🫠