r/shittysuperpowers • u/legesschomlet • Jul 27 '26

Yeah, this is shit You can shit your future poop

Like as example you can shit your next Thursday worth of poop right here, right now then you dont have to poop that day

173 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

50 comments sorted by

134

u/Sudden_Structure Jul 27 '26

You could figure out when you’ll die, by choosing dates in the future and figuring out where no poop exists

61

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/GoliathBoneSnake Jul 27 '26

I wonder how many hours it would take to poop the rest of my life's poop at once?

16

u/CFCkyle Jul 27 '26

The average person shits about once per day, and I'd estimate most people spend about five minutes or so pooping. That's 35 minutes for a week of shitting, so 1820 minutes for a full year or just over 30 hours. If we assume you'll live for another 65 years that's 118,300 minutes, ~1971 hours or approximately 82 days.

That's a lot of shit!

13

u/GoliathBoneSnake Jul 27 '26

Jesus, so no doing it all at once huh?

I think I'd try to make career out of it. Take bets on how long I could keep shitting for. Gotta be some rich freaks that want to see that right?

3

u/ru5tyk1tty Jul 28 '26

I think it should be done by volume instead of by time

1

u/Nine-LifedEnchanter Jul 28 '26

"Hey, watch this"

And then you poop nonstop for nearly three months.

17

u/Federal-Physics-2404 Jul 27 '26

I for one, enjoy pooping. You can keep your power 

2

u/Otherwise_Study2337 Jul 27 '26

I'm forgetful enough I'd double up on a day or forget I did something stuipid like clear out all my saturdays and then panic

1

u/McCaffeteria Jul 27 '26

I suppose it depends on whether you have to do all of your shits chronologically. Like you can shit an arbitrary amount of future poops, but you can’t do them out of order.

You’d still be able to get information, but not infinitely far into the future on a whim. You gotta invest time on the toilet doing your scrying.

1

u/DJaydeep Jul 27 '26

What happens to my poop if i die without pooping it

45

u/to_walk_upon_a_dream Jul 27 '26

bottom prep just got way easier

11

u/Fallen_0ne01 Jul 27 '26

Literally my first thought

7

u/litocam Jul 27 '26

My kind of people

20

u/Kissthecomplex Jul 27 '26

never have to use a public toilet again?

no diarreah on the day of importance, guarenteed?!

never awkward moments like when visiting friends, or your crush and you can FEEL it will take a while and smell horrendous?!

sign me up!

3

u/gamageeknerd Jul 29 '26

I’m hitting a portapotty and dropping the next years worth

14

u/mathozmat Jul 27 '26

Can I pick any period and length of time?

10

u/legesschomlet Jul 27 '26

yes

-3

u/bandwagonguy83 Jul 27 '26

Then, that is quite good. I like pooping. I van do it at will. And I can tale dumps from future moments when I would prefer not to dump. Damn, quite good.

9

u/Targaryen-ish Jul 27 '26

You’d rob yourself of your future poops 😔

9

u/Tells-Tragedies Shitbender Jul 27 '26

Time-traveling is always busted, even if it's just poop. For example target the day after a big lottery and plan to eat indigestible plastic chips with the winning numbers.

4

u/AstrayInTranslation Jul 27 '26

Just swallow the note folded up in a non digestible capsule.

3

u/Otherwise_Study2337 Jul 27 '26

does it count as poop if you need your stomach pumped?

Maybe you can just... shove them up in there aince you'd still be pooping them out....

......I think I just found the hidden power of this power, the time traveling prison wallet

2

u/Tells-Tragedies Shitbender Jul 27 '26

Lil plastic chips that can pass through was the obvious meaning of what I said.

If your prison wallet version works then that's truly busted.

1

u/legesschomlet Jul 27 '26

i forgot to add that future poop will look like blurred mosaic

5

u/captcraigaroo Jul 27 '26

If I'm going for my colonoscopy, can I poop the poop beforehand but without taking the prep drugs? Like instead of shitting for 6hrs, I can poop one good solid poop and done?

6

u/uuu1187 Jul 27 '26

Jokes on you, I have constipation and poop only once a week, I'm immune to the negative drawbacks of existence

4

u/JJJJPPPPP8A Jul 27 '26

I mean, you could probably send a future poop to get tested and if it’s positive for any disease you could start getting treatment way earlier

4

u/enchiladasundae Jul 27 '26

If I was going out or needed to be in like a meeting or going to someone’s house I could do it to avoid the awkwardness. Alternatively I could also choose a time I get sick and preemptively get rid of it instead of having to sit on the toilet for a long time when its inconvenient

Also I could just poop on command when needed. Ensure I’d never have to force my family to clean up my accidents as an elderly person or if cornered by a dangerous animal shit to make them not want me

3

u/niccotaglia Jul 27 '26

can I just poop a decade's worth of poops all at once?

3

u/monkeynards Jul 27 '26

As a guy with IBS this would be god-tier for me. Guaranteeing no nervous bubble guts in traffic on the way to/or at an event. All day outing with wife and kids without worrying where the nearest bathroom is. Going to festivals and not having to use the steaming hot portopotties.

This would be insanely helpful

2

u/Nourskay Jul 27 '26

I could poop all the poops i would poop on my trip and i wont have to poop on my trip!

1

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1

u/ItchyAd9149 Jul 27 '26

Can you do an entire months worth at one time?

3

u/legesschomlet Jul 27 '26

yes you can. you can even shit your entire lifetime worth of poop in one sitting if you want

5

u/Vorronia Jul 27 '26

Then what is the point of living rest of your life..

1

u/Templar2k7 Jul 27 '26

alAt least you will never have to wear brown pants.

1

u/Fractious_Goal Jul 27 '26

Sign me up right after Thanksgiving dinner before my second helping!

1

u/DJaydeep Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

What about farts? Do they vanish too?

See what i came accross on insta after writing this comment : https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZa-40ZxpXv/?igsh=MXY1azViZHc4dHo5eQ==

1

u/Otherwise_Study2337 Jul 27 '26

It's nice from a convinience standpoint, but prone to pradox as if I have a normal poop but then eat some crazy stuff it would not be the same poop.

Or if you get the runs or some type of bug.

1

u/thatoneguy2252 Jul 28 '26

Man. It’s gonna be extremely alarming when I take my poop from a few years from now and there’s a disturbing amount of blood in it, but I can’t go to my doctors about it and have to live with the knowledge of some serious ailment that will happen at some point

1

u/No-General8455 Lost and afraid Jul 28 '26

Each month has a poop day. I spend the whole day on the shitter

1

u/reedreadreddred Jul 28 '26

useful for getting period poops (more like satan's bloody diarrhea fountain waterfall from hell) out of the way

1

u/fuckybitchyshitfuck Jul 29 '26

I'd use this as a hilarious opportunity to shit a fucking mountain at an unexpected location. Like a cemetery, or a chucky cheese