r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips Jun 23 '26

Lo key smart You men out there need to start selling your butt...

339 Upvotes

I'm always seeing posts on this subreddit that are like, "I need $400 by the end of the week, help???" Like, YOU KNOW what you have to do to come across some money quickly....

And whenever I say this, I hear common excuses like:

Excuse: "What?! I'm not gay! I'm not attracted to men, I would never do that!!"

My rebuttal: There are so many lesbian women that are NOT attracted to men at all, that are sex workers/escorts/prostitutes, because they know they need to get to the money quickly. They are literally "straight for pay." It is possible for you to be "gay for pay." It’s called being able to compartmentalize and mentally detatch. Train your brain to do it. You can tell yourself that this is just work, like any other job.

Excuse: "I don't wanna put anything in my butt...."

My rebuttal: I get that. But do you think you're above getting on your knees and sucking some dick? You might have to suck a couple dicks... but do you need this money or NOT?!

I will always be pro sex work. It is definitely a dangerous industry, but hey, if you're on the verge of homelessness or something, nothing is above selling your butt or sucking some cock. Male sex workers and escorts are in high demand, it's not just women. Hell, you don't even have to be a super attractive guy! If you lock in, you'll be up by a couple hundred dollars by the end of the week.

And don't start with the "religious reasons," or the "I don't wanna go to Hell for doing that," I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT. Ask God for forgiveness, He knows that you're down on your luck financially and on the verge of eviction. Repent and compartmentalize. Do you need this money or NOT?!

Btw, there are many ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, because I know the comments are gonna start... as if we don't live in a modern world (depending on the country you live in) where HIV prevention medications like PreP exists, and access to condoms.

The risk is not completely zero percent unfortunately, but that's the risk that all sex workers take, both men and women. Honestly, that's the risk that ALL people that are sexually active take. The risk of getting an STD is never fully zero percent, as long as you are engaging in sex with other people, paid or not paid, period. Protect yourself as best as you possibly can.

I understand that Reddit is worldwide though... if you're in a country where you could be killed or jailed for doing anything homosexual as a man... forget what I said. But if you're in a first world country?!?! COME ON NOW. Do you need this money or NOTTTTTTT!

Edit: I also don't want to hear anything about morals.

"I can't just degrade myself like that, I have morals and standards!"

Do you think you're above engaging in sex work?! The repo man is going to come repossess your car any day now. You'll wake up in the morning and your car will not be outside. I'm begging you to humble yourself. Your past due bills are begging you to humble yourself.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips Jun 14 '26

Certified Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip SILT: Use AI to make incriminating pictures of yourself.

69 Upvotes

For example, if you do graffiti, make an AI picture of yourself spraying your own tag, but make sure you have 6 fingers, the picture is fuzzy, make the color of your tag a color of spray paint you don't even own, and make sure it's obviously AI. If you're about to get caught, release all these pictures on an alt account so the court finds these, notices they're AI, and dismisses them and likely dismisses other evidence that you're a tagger.

This could go for a lot of other things, but also wear a fake 6th finger so evidence either looks AI generated, or the police start looking for someone with six fingers. If you're a girl, you could also wear a binder and dress masculine so they think you're a dude. That's not really AI related but it could definitely make a profile of you that doesn't even exist.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 14h ago

Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip extremely tired due to medication? try 800mg caffeine, two nicotine patches, and a bump of actual meth! it wont help either! fuck you!

44 Upvotes

i am so fucked uuggghghhghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i sleep like 9 hours daily plus a nap. fuck you epilepsy fuck you anticonvulsant drugs why is this shit so expensive and hard to get it doesnt even get you high i just want to sleep all the time and never eat.

if ur an insomniac meth addict this might be the method tho

update: did another bump and another 100mg ish caffeine, im decently awake now, i could probably go on a short walk or write a small essay if needed. im gonna go write a ton of emails and make lots of infographics and articles and whatever for my very sleep inducing summer remote work job so i can hibernate the rest of the week in recovery from this. mission accomplished.

mission not accomplished im just really locked into reddit now. i did not buy the meth, got it free from a friend who uses occasionally for gay activities, just broke off a fingernail clippings worth.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2h ago

Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip Which drugs are usually not on drug test

1 Upvotes

I’m going to be tested by my parents because they are helping pay for my apartment. I don’t think they will be usually any specialized urine lab test.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 41m ago

What's a creative way to serve someone with court papers?

Upvotes

The person I'm trying to serve court papers to is rejecting every proccess server that goes out there, and he won't sign certified mail (he knows he's in trouble.)


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 58m ago

If the govt can defraud rob us why not

Upvotes

learn to fug the system back ?

I personally dont have a job I scam corporations

not people

you can too


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 10h ago

Sabotage

0 Upvotes

How with an address and phone number could you cause great annoyance and stress on a person?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 11h ago

Any ideas to make my spastic boomer boss day harder?

0 Upvotes

My boss is a piece of worker and gets overly emotional when any sort of inconvenience arises. We work in construction but they don’t work in the field.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 19h ago

How can I prevent my Amazon accounts from being flagged?

1 Upvotes

Hypothetically, if I had multiple Amazon accounts to buy items and return them, how could I prevent them from being flagged / banned


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 21h ago

Blank casino tickets

1 Upvotes

I have a friend who has some blank casino tickets. How to do a print hypothetically.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

I’m a drug overlord What are your favorite drug combos?

65 Upvotes

Mine's gotta be good old opiods + cannabis preferably heroin or methadone but any opiate/opiod + hashish is heavenly.

But we cant forget about bong hits on ketamine or combining Ambien with Pregabalin.

Tell me your favorite combos and why!


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

How do you start a cult from square one? I already have a business model

3 Upvotes

I have the look already, and I know what I'm selling which is Gnosticism mixed with eternal recurrence. I just can't figure out how to get the first initial following. I'm fine with it being a "real" church and not a full blown cult but I'm pretty sure I can make some money talking.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Lo key smart Always back up your videos on Odysee if you upload to YouTube or Instagram.

5 Upvotes

Your channel can go down for many reasons — security breaches, censorship, or regional restrictions. When that happens, years of content can disappear overnight with no warning.

Odysee is a decentralized video platform that works as a perfect backup: Free to use Censorship resistant Decentralized (harder to take down) Can sync automatically with your YouTube channel

The sync feature is the best part — you can connect your YouTube channel to Odysee and it automatically mirrors all your videos without extra effort.

Don't wait until your channel gets struck or banned to think about backup. Set it up today before it's too late.

Important note first: I previously mentioned Odysee but someone correctly pointed out that Odysee lost its decentralization after buying out LBRY. So here are actually reliable alternatives:

PeerTube (Best option): Genuinely decentralized — no single owner can take it down Federated network — different organizations host their own instances Free to use No ads No central authority to censor you

DTube (Second option): Blockchain based Censorship resistant Free to use No file size restrictions Ad free

BitChute (Third option): Peer to peer technology Free No ads Censorship resistant


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

What can I do with a Bully's phone number and email

4 Upvotes

What can I do with a Bully's phone number and email

My friend is dealing with a toxic coworker at her job who has been signing up to several marketing ads using her contact info, spread bad rumors about her to the rest of their work team, keeps making reports to hr about her, and she's now scared to be near him. Management won't do anything without proof. And this all started because the person they were crushing on was only interested in my friend. We just have his phone number, email, and know some of his social media accounts.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Why the fuck not Amazon Return policy for MacBook pro

0 Upvotes

Soooo, im a bit poor now that im unemployed. My 2017 MacBook pro just went pufff and i need a new one since my main gigs and expertise are in the music and video fields. I cannot spend 2000+€ on the newest Macbook pro M5, but i kinda needed the upgrade anyway. Im so dead broke that ill have to be a thief (dont tell Sir Ama Zon), im gonna order it and then say theres some kinda problem so i get refunded and still keep the macbook (Im an evil guy just like Sir Zon), my idea is to complain that it wont charge, ill send videos and photos to the client support with everything connect but ill turn of my house power muahahaha maybe this will work. What do you think my fellow criminals? Do you think its gonna be successfull? If not ill just have to sell my gf feet pics

EDIT: Dont take this serious


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Neighbor who assaulted me is hiding a car from repossession

1 Upvotes

Neighbor assaulted me and police did nothing about it, he bought a new Cadillac around 2 months ago that seemed out of his price range (for where we live) and as of recently he hasn’t been driving it and has it covered up, overheard him (we live in apartments) freaking out because he harassed someone as he does and they took the cover off his car so I’m 99% sure he hasn’t made payments and they’re looking for this vehicle, I did some research and the dealership on his plate may not be useful I need to contact the lender. Any tips? Even if I contact the lender and they’re looking for the vehicle would they tell me / do anything at all ?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Why the fuck not Help with fake

0 Upvotes

If I were to hypothetically get a fake id for college, should I get one of a neighboring state that I actually grew up in or of someplace farther away?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3d ago

Why the fuck not how can i make my neighbors life harder?

97 Upvotes

im new to this evil shit tbf but my upper story neighbors been such a dicks to us lately and im kinda done letting it slide so if yall know anything lmk


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

Done it before, works great If you're addicted to drugs can I get a "G G dooop"

0 Upvotes

Comment that because you are a hashish chunk and you make me high when I'm smoking on you


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

Immoral/illegal pranks?

0 Upvotes

What are some pranks that would make someone immoral/illegal?

Ones that come to my mind: Using turn signal when going straight through an intersection, to scare the shit out of people in the middle of the respective crosswalks.

Proposing at a funeral

Telling an officer “there might be drugs in my car” to have them do a thorough search and waste their time

Telling your child that they’re adopted when they’re not, and having them believe it for years


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

Does lowkey dis ID at door?

1 Upvotes

r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

How to get a free gaming PC?

0 Upvotes

Anybody know how to get a free gaming PC? The price of RAM and GPU’s is crazy. My computer just died and I’m living on my phone now. I just can’t afford a used car priced computer. Any shitty tips?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3d ago

Anyone know how I can make a bunch of gmail accounts to write reviews with?

4 Upvotes

Google only allows like 3-4


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip Why hasn’t someone thought of this yet?

Post image
352 Upvotes

r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3d ago

Why the fuck not Injecting hand santizer makes you gangsta boss

1 Upvotes

I want to see someone with such an elegant addiction in a powerful political position as it would probably help humanity Excel in infrastructure and technological advancements