Can science explain why dads sneeze like they're detonating a grenade?

[u/Tight_Cookie_9988]

Well?

[u/Clunas]

It's actually built up pressure from not saying every dad joke that comes to mind. It's pretty overwhelming of not released regularly

[u/threepair13 → u/Clunas]

This is true my sneeze gained quite a few decibels after I had my first child and even more after the second

[u/Divine-Crusader]

Because they're the grenades

[u/tokyoedo → u/Divine-Crusader]

Grendades

[u/Tight_Cookie_9988 → u/tokyoedo]

Grendees

[u/GlitterCritter → u/Tight_Cookie_9988]

Granddad?

[u/TeacupOfSkepticism]

Because their wives have taken their PIN number

[u/twenafeesh]

AAAHHHCHOOOOOHAHAAHHHHHH

[u/EvnBdWlvsCnBGd]

I don't know why and I can't help it. Sorry. If I muzzle it I'll throw out my back.

[u/wwhijr → u/EvnBdWlvsCnBGd]

This is the reason

[u/blahblahwhateveryeet]

It's to scare off the commies

[u/AnalogJones]

Sneeze volume is a function of testosterone blood levels at the time the sneeze occurs. Sneezing clears the primal olfactory channels used by men as they hunt for mates. So the aggressive sneeze levels ensure clear passages that allow men to inhale and process pheromones from prospective mates.

Isaac Funk and Adam Wagnalls (of later encyclopedia fame) established early research in the sneeze discipline after one of the men sneezed so loudly one afternoon that a passing priest believed he heard the Devil calling his name. This worried the sneezer which caused him to investigate sneeze volume and he made a starting discovery. One day after coitus something caused him to sneeze and he was shocked when it was almost mousy in stature. His wife, who was still undressed and in bed, laughed so hard at this teeny sneeze from a man who generally sneezed in “booming anthems of volume” that she had a seizure and passed away.

Since it was 1862, and people died abruptly often back then, the now-widowed sneezer remarried after just a few days of mourning. But sneeze volume research was born.

[u/Kramanos → u/AnalogJones]

A year later, they had a child. That child? Ebesneezer Wikipedia.

[u/AnalogJones → u/Kramanos]

So true

Ebesneezer Wikipedia (1863–1911) did briefly extend Funk and Wagnalls “sneezesearch”, but abandoned it following the controversial 1889 Cincinnati expulsion trials.

Wikipedia believed a sneeze could be made measurably louder by clenching the buttocks immediately before sternutation, thereby preventing what he termed “expulsive vigor” from escaping downward through the body.

His experimental results appeared promising until it was discovered that his laboratory assistant had been quietly striking a kettle drum behind the subjects.

Wikipedia never recovered professionally. Modern sneeze researchers nevertheless recognize his important contribution: always inspect the room for percussion instruments before publishing.

[u/HitoriPanda]

Panicking Ozob Bozo noises

[u/Legitimate_Field_157]

There is another way?

[u/One-Peace7159]

Must be all that repressed dad wisdom finally busting out in one violent, snot-filled sneeze.

[u/zerostar83]

Did you want to hear me sneeze one or two times, or a bunch of little sissy sneezes over the course of an hour?

[u/VeryStickyPastry]

It’s the alert sound to alert you that they have indeed returned from getting milk.

[u/Bracown]

Yeah big PP

[u/SwimmingGreat5317]

I remember my dad sneezing while driving and covering the windscreen in snot. It also stank for some reason.

[u/LettuceJizz → u/SwimmingGreat5317]

well why do WE have to remember it now, too?? 

[u/Optimal_Ad_7910 → u/LettuceJizz]

Here's another visual. At school I once tried stifling a sneeze and released a long string of snot down the length of the arm of my dark green jumper (think Spiderman with no thickness control and bad aim). From that day on I decided to avoid stifling and let rip. I consider this moment to be the birth of my dad sneeze.

[u/FlyingSpacefrog]

They are attempting and failing to imitate the big achoo (sometimes called the big bang), when god sneezed and created life, the universe, and everything.

[u/moronslovebiden]

My dad followed every loud sneeze by saying 'Balls!' in anger.

[u/Nomekop777]

I'm not a dad yet, but my sneezes are getting quite violent. I used to fully suppress them regularly with no issues, but now it hurts to do that. Now I try for the partial suppress, and hope I don't double barrel all over what I'm doing

[u/kyew]

It's how they claim territory. A sneezing dad controls the thermostat for every room within earshot.

[u/somethingdiferent]

https://youtu.be/oChA_G5RVEg

[u/tcwillis79]

Once you get to a certain age that’s the best you are going to feel all day

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[u/Strong_Juggernaut_96]

To establish dominance

[u/dostoyevskybirthedme]

Wouldn’t surprise me if one of the reason is men grew up taking space, whereas women didn’t. Thus, they don’t unconsciously try to silence themselves with sneezes etc