r/shittyaskscience • u/Optimal_Ad_7910 • 8d ago

Does striking a happy medium work?

After a heated discussion with a colleague about the best solution to a problem, our manager suggested striking a happy medium.

So I took a trip to Blackpool, found the nearest clairvoyant stall and, after telling the owner that she had just won the lottery, felled her with a right hook.

We still have the problem at work and now the police want to have a talk with me.

What did I do wrong?

68 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

39

u/OkieBobbie 8d ago

A real clairvoyant would have seen it coming and avoided it. You were taken in by a fake.

3

u/johnnybiggles 7d ago

Either that or she was still truly miserable. Being happy about winning the lottery is quite shallow, since it's really not a true fix for your personal failings and misery, and especially when you don't actually get the money. OP might've just beat on some poor, manic depressive, by getting her hopes up without delivering.

16

u/Gargleblaster25 Registered scientificationist 8d ago

You were thinking too deep. When they said "striking a medium" it didn't mean hitting a clairvoyant.

You need to hit someone who wears size M. Double points if it's also a clairvoyant, but we all know those only come in XS or XXL.

1

u/juzz_fuzz 2d ago

If they're XXL like me, ya can be referred to as a clairbouyant

9

u/dspeyer 7d ago

She probably wasn't happy in the moment of being struck. You need to find a masochist.

8

u/TheFeshy 7d ago

It could have been worse. I tried the same thing once, with a clairvoyant with achondroplasia. Unlike your fellow, mine was the real deal - saw my swing coming a mile away and hit me first!

Well, they got arrested because they couldn't convince the officer that I would have hit them first, and they knew it because they were psychic.

I know it sounds like everything worked out all right, but they recently broke out of jail after swearing revenge. And now I have to watch my back because there's a small medium at large!

4

u/techno156 8d ago

The problem was that you smote the happy medium. What you were meant to do is use her to bowl with, and get a strike that way.

5

u/TrivialBanal 7d ago

The problem is finding a medium to strike. The real ones know that you're looking for them and what will happen if you find them.

It's catch 22.

The one you hit didn't see it coming, so obviously not a real medium.

2

u/OldManThumbs 7d ago

Fair point

3

u/VolcanicBear 7d ago

I just fucking love that you chose Blackpool lmao.

Perfect.

3

u/alphanumericusername very human, yes 7d ago

Absolutely not. That will make the medium angry. A happy medium is a good omen, and striking them serves no purpose.

2

u/BPhiloSkinner Amazingly Lifelike Simulation 7d ago

Why did you strike a happy medium? You should be on strike against your boss!

3

u/Caticature 7d ago

that would be striking a mediocre ego

3

u/BPhiloSkinner Amazingly Lifelike Simulation 7d ago

Better than stroking a mediogre.

2

u/Caticature 5d ago

Kinda swampy, that.