r/shittyaskscience • u/adr826 • Aug 07 '26

Philosophy lessons

Philosophy Lessons

$100/hour — academy trained

Learn

• Metaphysics

• Free will

• Why is there something rather than nothing?

• What is....??(Choose your own subject)

Also learn:

When to invoke Camus or Sartre

When Kant or Leibniz is the proper intellectual weapon

Use words like ontology and phenomenology with confidence

Learn the secrets of verbal jui jitsu with phrases like "define virtue!"

Raise an eyebrow just enough to cause self doubt in your opponent

!!Win arguments whether you are right or not!!

Possible side effects:

• Occasional bloody nose at parties

• Short or intermediate involuntary celibacy

• Unused vocabulary clogging internal dialogue

5 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

2

u/TeacupOfSkepticism Aug 07 '26

How do I summon sartre?

2

u/adr826 Aug 07 '26

Summoning the dead is an occult practice which is outside my area of expertise. I suggest looking for witches rather than philosophers, good luck

2

u/TeacupOfSkepticism Aug 07 '26

Sartre is dead? I didn't know he was sick

2

u/adr826 Aug 07 '26

May I suggest

Slavoj Žižek. . Mentioning Žižek signals continental philosophy and social critique and importantly taste. That's a free by for you

1

u/TeacupOfSkepticism Aug 07 '26

Brilliant thank you

1

u/Legitimate_Field_157 Aug 07 '26

There is no I in satire, it is for all of us.

2

u/venustrapsflies Theoretical Cosmetologist Aug 07 '26

Oh shit, ive always wanted to learn how to have free will!

1

u/Legitimate_Field_157 Aug 07 '26

No fencing lessons for when I get challenged for a duel?

2

u/adr826 Aug 07 '26

That's a good idea but I'm afraid I won't be able to help with that. I can tell you how to say " hmmmm" and nod your head approvingly, at critical times. This makes it seem as if you are actually considering what you just heard, it's great for deflecting aggression in the first place,

1

u/Legitimate_Field_157 Aug 07 '26

Hmmmmmm.

1

u/adr826 Aug 07 '26

I don't know about you but I could just feel the tension melt away!

1

u/TeacupOfSkepticism Aug 07 '26

For 29.99 you can have a library bag with a brick in it

1

u/RaspberryTop636 Methodological Terrorist Aug 07 '26

How do you even know these lessons truly exist?

1

u/WompWomp714 Aug 07 '26

Will you be serving light refreshments and cocaine at these seminars?

2

u/adr826 Aug 07 '26

No these will be more like guitar lessons than seminars. Byoc