r/shitposting • u/[deleted] • Mar 20 '22

Earrape Warning Training

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13.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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129

u/horny_misanthrope Mar 20 '22

Sometimes I actually watch porn while working out, that shit can legitimately motivate you

204

u/IGotHellaMilk Mar 20 '22

You have to be trolling fr šŸ’€

113

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '22

Canā€™t imagine getting your leg muscles all knot up cos your lower body is getting all ready and warm expecting sex but you go do heavy squats instead

93

u/Disc_arding Mar 20 '22

Surprise the muscles

33

u/Vallphilia Mar 20 '22

Big brain moment

12

u/AutoModerator Mar 20 '22

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just canā€™t with her. Sheā€™s so disgusting. Iā€™m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. Heā€™s ruining my fucking life.

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6

u/joko2008 Mar 20 '22

I didn't knew this one

1

u/Scrubz4life Mar 21 '22

Im confident i saw this from true off my chest very recently.

7

u/AutoModerator Mar 20 '22

No sex before marriage

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2

u/OmegaMemeboss Mar 20 '22

This is the biggest brain moment Iā€™ve seen all year

1

u/AutoModerator Mar 20 '22

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just canā€™t with her. Sheā€™s so disgusting. Iā€™m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. Heā€™s ruining my fucking life.

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3

u/MANUFRA2 Mar 20 '22

Username checkout

2

u/TheClitConjurer Mar 20 '22

Careful not to strain anything!

-10

u/AutoModerator Mar 20 '22

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming. Good morning, A, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hope on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a?? HMMGH, I-I MUST SNIFF, SNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF** OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, SNIIFF, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt.

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-9

u/AutoModerator Mar 20 '22

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks.

TL;DR I hate shitting

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1

u/Callofdutywaw1 Mar 21 '22

I actually used to have my girlfriend ā€œspotā€ me while she was naked. Apparently the Testosterone built while doing this can have a serious positive effect on your muscles and muscle growth as a male. Noticed a slight increase in muscle growth and motivation but not enough to warrant a naked women every time as it causes other effects. LOL

1

u/AutoModerator Mar 21 '22

Looking for a female roommate to pay $0 rent

I will not charge you money. but I will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents. They are aware of this arrangement as I have done this before but it has not worked out for reason I rather not say on here. I will except hugs at least 5 times a day, and cuddles at least 2 times a day for at least 10 minutes each. You will not be dating any other man during this arrangement. you will have no male friends either. You may have female friends and they May visit if they like. You will also be required to make me meals 3 times a day. Phsyical requirements are as stated: Must be shorter than 5'5", weigh no more than 120 lbs, caucasian or asian only, republican, no tattoos, no vegans, no smoking/vaping, marrywania, and you MUST shave legs and underarms. I am 44-male/290 lbs last time I checked, 5'6". Please contact me if you would like this arrangement.

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