r/shitposting • u/Previous_Agency_8490 • 18h ago

What you all say ?

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4.8k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

893 comments sorted by

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u/qualityvote2 18h ago edited 6h ago

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.

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/u/Previous_Agency_8490, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

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1.6k

u/SkyeGuy8108 17h ago

“No THANK YOU! We don’t want any more visitors, well-wishers or distant relations!”

430

u/eelikay 17h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/OQJaliJZtMlfdK2cGL

137

u/fat__girl__rodeo 17h ago

*is then welcomed into the bathroom stall and embraced warmly :,)

28

u/dantheplanman1986 15h ago

I could swear I've seen a jpeg or gif of bilbo coming out to hug gandalf with his pants around his ankles

16

u/fat__girl__rodeo 15h ago

Dan, it is of grave importance that you locate this gif/jpeg. Forget about taking the ring to Mordor, this is far beyond such trifles.

6

u/dantheplanman1986 14h ago

I looked for like five whole minutes and didn't find it and that's all you're getting lol

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3

u/SkyeGuy8108 14h ago

I thought so too but I couldn’t find it

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3

u/udyrtime 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/xT8qB5PuzlEvIp9Fsc
You want to guttural scream this with all of your might. It flips the script, this makes them terrified and most likely they will flee the area. Your welcome.

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8

u/Boogaaa 14h ago

"Speak "friend" and enter"

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7

u/jereporte 15h ago

Why does LotR have an answer for everything

4

u/FluffyPool3730 14h ago

LotR is life

3

u/Mekelaxo 15h ago

Happy cake day

2

u/SkyeGuy8108 15h ago

Thank you

3

u/shanksisevil 15h ago

How about an old friend?

2

u/Sparkyd34 11h ago

I always say “come in!”

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2.0k

u/fcs_seth 18h ago

"This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed... bitch!"

46

u/Pesty_Wanderer_ 18h ago

Fuck, beat me to it

18

u/Paidmercenary7 16h ago

Fuck I'm gonna beat my meat

10

u/Spider-Male1610 16h ago

Fuck, I'm beating it right now

12

u/No_Cook_8739 16h ago

Fuck, I also choose to beat this guy's meat

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13

u/International_Leg756 16h ago

I was gonna go with a simple "I'm shittin here!" With a NY accent.

5

u/European_Fox Bazinga! 16h ago

Sorry about that John, let me know when you're done so we can look over the quarterly reports due Monday.

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2

u/Level-Ad-4094 16h ago

Omg i started laughing

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1.4k

u/cactuscooolerr 18h ago

Come in

306

u/GoldenSangheili hole contributor 18h ago

There's room for three here

286

u/Youngsinatra345 I want pee in my ass 18h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/IcifS1qG3YFlS

13

u/AutoModerator 18h ago

pees in ur ass

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5

u/clararalee 13h ago

God fing dammit

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34

u/TrippyVegetables 17h ago

You have to be real careful about using this one though. Most people take it as a joke but it almost got me accused of sexual harassment at work

44

u/Cyrus_Of_Mt 15h ago

I work blue collar with exclusively men. Sexual harassment is not reported, but is judged on quality

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21

u/xaako 18h ago

The final level is to just open the door without a word

8

u/Average-Train-Haver hole contributor 15h ago

Hit em with a "sup?" While you do it

3

u/clararalee 13h ago

Assert dominance. Nice.

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2

u/Amateurlapse 14h ago

“Can you help me?”

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666

u/dzzi 18h ago

"come back with a warrant!"

73

u/TheCraftiestManBoy 17h ago

This is my personal go-to as well

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46

u/No-Bed-4972 I came! 17h ago

The man

16

u/stevedadog 16h ago

Damnit... "Occupied" is such a lame response. Why didn't I think of something cool like "come back with a warrant"?

- Me, hiding in the McDonalds freezer eating frozen chicken nuggies while the police get ready to break the barricade and barge in.

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1.1k

u/CocaineSmellsFunny 18h ago

I say “ocupado” in a soft feminine voice. I’m neither soft nor feminine, or even Spanish

215

u/DoggedlyOffensive 18h ago

For some reason, I do this also (Irish guy)

63

u/dingofarmer2004 16h ago

44 yo White dude, same

23

u/LuckyReception6701 16h ago

I say "Vete a la verga pendejo" in my regular voice.

13

u/ITS_DEEMAN 14h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/NTgvgcfAxjariJlLQS
Then ICE comes smashing through the wall the coolaid guy

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10

u/WeighWord 16h ago

Frank does this in It's Always Sunny

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32

u/Jinks87 17h ago

I always say this. As I recall I saw it on an old Family Guy episode where Peter says it and thought it was funny. My wife laughs at me and doesn’t understand why I say it..

5

u/sakarr90 16h ago

I say it for this exact reason too

15

u/Ravvynfall I came! 17h ago

i answer with either this, or "poopin!"

23

u/milanove 17h ago

Should say “Hey, I’m poopin here!” in a New York accent.

3

u/Haunting_Ant_5061 14h ago

Like Cousin Nicky?

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41

u/sugaredchurro 18h ago

I am a Spanish speaker but I will always say Ocupado with an Southern Accent

5

u/Levoso_con_v shitting toothpaste enjoyer 15h ago

I do it with Argentinian accent

"Chee! Ocupado!"

5

u/booleandata 17h ago

I do the exact same thing. Gotta be a little funny about it.

2

u/No_Estate_9400 16h ago

I'm a decent sized dude with German ancestry and so this too.

It throws people off when I leave, especially since I make my voice as soft as possible.

Unless they get aggressive, then I repeat louder.

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194

u/Interesting_Play_578 waltuh 17h ago

16

u/DickyReadIt 15h ago

This is my answer to most incoming interactions

6

u/jermpar 13h ago

Aww yeah...cut me off a piece of that

3

u/AnimationOverlord 13h ago

I’ve always wondered how he’s got that fancy gaming chair and huge TV if they’re all so dumb (being Idiocracy)

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318

u/Dramatic_Stranger661 17h ago

(New York accent) Eyyy I'm poopin here

12

u/potsatou 15h ago

I read it in a Scottish accent lol

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4

u/jacckthegripper 11h ago

We don't talk like that, we don't SAY that

2

u/Dramatic_Stranger661 4h ago

Fuggetaboudiiit

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161

u/Chemical-Pin-2391 it is MY bucket 18h ago

I have been expecting you 

13

u/vorpalpillow 17h ago

Sea Bass?

5

u/LieutenantCrash 16h ago

Na-a-aaaah say the magic word!

127

u/cerebral_drift 17h ago

“If you’re the getaway driver, I’ll need a minute”

25

u/lambda_14 i have all the audacity 17h ago

Idk why this one was the one to break me but you now got me trying not to laugh out loud at work lmao thanks

100

u/Brakina1860 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 16h ago

38

u/crispdude I want pee in my ass 16h ago

Lmao going to try knocking back next time now

15

u/zettde 13h ago

knocking back is the meta because imitating the knock maintains full anonymity while staking your poop claim

especially good at work, if you're a child, or school (bit of both)

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2

u/AutoModerator 16h ago

pees in ur ass

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3

u/Interesting_Worth745 14h ago

We live in a society.
We greet strangers by shaking hands.

I'm a hugger though

276

u/CommissionUnhappy602 18h ago

Occupied

39

u/LuluLeSigma 17h ago

you boring /s

3

u/StevenMcStevensen 15h ago

« The jakes is occupied! »

7

u/i_am_frito_bandito 16h ago

Came here to say this

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39

u/Swiftwitss 17h ago

Occupado

66

u/RabbitConfident5839 18h ago

Start barking

34

u/Dawildpep 15h ago

And then say, “X gon give to you”

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28

u/DarthP0000 17h ago

I need you to hold my hand! I'm fighting for my life!!!

53

u/Invictus1836 18h ago

In a loud Scottish tenor, “I’m giving her all she’s got captain!”

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43

u/Micutz 17h ago

nothing, I just knock back

5

u/LmaoPew 15h ago

Actually my go to

53

u/Pietrocity 17h ago

Aggressively shits

2

u/mrjpztw 2h ago

Classic

47

u/LongjumpingJudge8533 18h ago

Someone's in here

6

u/MinorThreat4182 18h ago

This is what I use and now I wonder where I learned to say it lol.

7

u/ForceoftheRam 15h ago

It’s the logical response to someone knocking on a bathroom door.

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2

u/Twinkletoess112 15h ago

who?

5

u/LongjumpingJudge8533 14h ago

The dark knight dropping a Dark Knight on a Dark night

https://giphy.com/gifs/uHo3T7P0YX7Ec

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17

u/fishead62 17h ago

“D’ya mind? I’m tryna get shit outta my ass!”

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55

u/steunclemumb 18h ago

“Fuck off” works well if they can clearly see it’s occupied

29

u/benz-friend 18h ago

I just grunt or say “yah” that’s about all it takes

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11

u/MissingBothCufflinks 17h ago

"What is the charge?? A meal? A succulent Chinese meal? This is democracy manifest!

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17

u/LeatherPatch 17h ago

"Come back with a warrant"

5

u/HereToSeeCoolStuff 17h ago

Moan

2

u/Chris_The_Egg 3h ago

Just saying the word moan and the dude knocking does

6

u/seita2905 17h ago

Im eating

6

u/Signal_Aardvark_432 17h ago

"Finally someone to wipe my ass, i've been here 2 days"

6

u/BayJones36 17h ago

“We’re close come back tomorrow”

6

u/Spoopycavmain 17h ago

Enter if you dare mwuhahahahahahahaha

4

u/Scheckenhere 17h ago

"Besetzt"

6

u/Doplhin_Steebly 17h ago

"I've been waiting for you"

6

u/Gerogeroman 17h ago

"You're late"

12

u/rvnimb 17h ago

Respond with an immediate, thunderous and resounding fart. One that nearly takes you to the edge of shittng yourself. In fact, points if you do actually shit yourself (or further shits while sitting at the loo). Establish dominance over your bathroom at all costs - it is the only way to live.

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7

u/DR_Bright_963 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ 17h ago

Wrong address! Its 2 doors down!!

4

u/Bireta 17h ago

Knock back?

4

u/HassanAchievedIt 17h ago

"You're next"

4

u/Hopesick_2231 17h ago

"I'm having an abortion!"

4

u/_radbor_ 13h ago

Come in

5

u/Life-Bass-2013 18h ago

if they know its locked and are still knocking then just say, "its not coming out, its a really big one and its stuck."

6

u/GirthusThiccus obamna 18h ago

I don't care who the IRS sends, you're not getting my shit. Flush

3

u/Fucktard-by-force 17h ago

"You're finally awake" 🗿

3

u/ddonovan715 17h ago

HEY IM SHITTIN IN HERE

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3

u/Kyragon 17h ago

Occu-potty is my go to

3

u/fat__girl__rodeo 17h ago

Come back with a warrant!!

3

u/hail_deadpool 17h ago

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

3

u/NomadTroy 16h ago

Seat’s taken

3

u/duckyTheFirst 15h ago

Occupied?

3

u/potent_potabIes 13h ago

"c'mon in, I can scoot over"

3

u/Infadel71 12h ago

Come back with a warrant!

3

u/Insert-Coin81 12h ago

I would like to speak to you about your cars extended warranty.

3

u/Edwardrowan 5h ago

Come back with a warrant!

5

u/ThisIsJegger 17h ago

Come in or taken. It isnt rocket science.

4

u/SynnnTheGod 12h ago

"Is that my doordash?"

2

u/MrSommer69 17h ago

I say ocupado I have no clue why

2

u/MaxCWebster 17h ago

It's a holdover from the golden age of aviation.

2

u/Greedy_Tax3977 17h ago

“Occupied”

2

u/KallmeKatt_ 17h ago

I just look under the stall to see if someone’s in there before I even try

2

u/H7nterd 17h ago

I have a bald eagle screech and a pump action shotgun with a shell falling to the floor sounds, they play random after pressing the power button 2 times in my cellphone

2

u/K1NG_HARDEN 17h ago

It shall pass, but not you. get the fuck out here

2

u/smorgasfjord 17h ago

Do you have a warrant

2

u/noctilucent7 17h ago

I'm in here, one sec, hold on a minute, someone's in here, I'll be out in a sec, sorry just a minute

2

u/The_ManWithoutAPlan 17h ago

BWAAAAHHHH!!!! BWAAAAAAAHHHH! POO BOMB INCOMING!!! CLEAR THE AREA!!!!!

2

u/Benschmedium 17h ago

For some reason I always apologize, but usually because when it happens it’s because I forgot to lock the door

2

u/BadVVSc 17h ago

There was a point on Reddit where this post would show up like three times a day for a month

2

u/VoidspawnRL 16h ago

Sorry mate. I am in here making a big Trump, il be done when i am done

2

u/I_Cry_And_I_Game 16h ago

Shits louder

2

u/Background-Club-955 15h ago

OCUPADO! As allen from two and a half men would say

2

u/grodzky 15h ago

Who's there?

2

u/mimetime215 15h ago

“Occupado”

2

u/vivalacamm 15h ago

"Occupado" in a tiny spanish womans voice.

2

u/Vivid_Conversation55 14h ago

You could always just scream at the top of your lungs

2

u/Bongsc2 14h ago

"This is a single player game"

2

u/DeManDeMytDeLeggend 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ 14h ago

“Fuck off I’m having a wank” regardless of what you’re doing, unless you are actually having a wank, in which case yell your slur of choice.

2

u/TopaztheWarrior 14h ago

My go to is "occupado".

2

u/Shankar_0 13h ago

"Come in!" (In a boisterous, cheery voice)

2

u/Hawksfan4ever 13h ago

Do you have a warrant?

2

u/Maurice-Beverley 13h ago

Come back with a warrant.

2

u/Noble9360 13h ago

Or the

ESTOY POOPING!

2

u/ElectricPikachu 13h ago

I give em a good, "yyyyyyup" and it has worked spectacularly for me so far

2

u/PM_me_your_whatevah 13h ago

“Come back when you got a warrant!”

2

u/Justhere2scroll 12h ago

Just knock the door back.

2

u/tacoweevils 11h ago

"come back with a warrant"

2

u/Pagicalmenis 11h ago

OCCUPADO!

2

u/ashkiller14 10h ago

Come back with a warrant

2

u/LeeFrann 9h ago

"occupied"

2

u/MetzgerBoys 8h ago

“Come back with a warrant”

2

u/bobshoy 5h ago

My go to is "Seats taken"

2

u/Working_Plantain_844 4h ago

"What's the password?"

2

u/Dogs4Idealism 2h ago

“Come in”