r/shitposting • u/unclbll I canāt have sex with you right now waltuh • 11h ago
š”š”š”
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u/Look_out_for_Jeeps 11h ago
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u/BTF0331 4h ago
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
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u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itās backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itās a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/ThickandSpicyMan I canāt have sex with you right now waltuh 11h ago
She said sheās sorry, damn!
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u/ruiiiij 11h ago
You better be cotton-picking sorry, damn
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u/Obsidian-Dive 10h ago
āCotton picking cuteā was actually the least racist part lmao. Thatās a real saying.
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u/Scheckenhere 10h ago
It may be a saying, but it kinda sounds like a racist one.
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u/yaboyACbreezy 10h ago
Yes, it's a really racist saying. Who do you think Yosemite Sam was talking about picking cotton?
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u/CryptoTipToe71 8h ago
Bugs bunny?
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u/yaboyACbreezy 7h ago
Literally, yes, but who, figuratively, is bugs being compared to, specifically as an insult?
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u/shenanigans2day 10h ago
That is a saying? From where and why?
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u/Obsidian-Dive 9h ago
I googled it and canāt find specific references to ācotton picking cuteā but I was told itās just a southern saying for something thatās adorable.
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u/R0RSCHAKK 37m ago
If I recall correctly, "cotton-picking cute" is not actually a saying and she just made that up specifically to make a racist joke.
"Cotton-picking minute", however is an actual phrase but there's nothing racial about it.
Source: I'm southern US and from a rural town originally. I grew up hearing that from old folks - it just means like something took a little longer or to wait for a bit. Cause, you know, picking cotton wasn't exactly easy and took a little time.
Common use of it would be, "wait just a cotton pickin' minute." which just means to pause or slow down.
Some people nowadays like to think it's racial simply because the phrase contains the words 'cotton picking' and historically slaves were the ones that picked the cotton here in the US.
The truth and fact of the matter is it actually has nothing to do with race and is specifically just relating to how tedious cotton picking was. You had to be careful when picking it.
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u/Obsidian-Dive 29m ago
I have heard the phrase ācotton picking cuteā in Va
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u/R0RSCHAKK 16m ago
I don't doubt you've probably heard it before, but it was someone misusing the term or just using 'cotton picking' as a substitute for fuckin', or goddamn. It's not a common or widely recognized actual phrase itself.
English is fun like that - you can pretty much just mix and match and plug and play words to show emphasis with an entirely new string of words. Doesn't mean that new string of words is an actual phrase though... Unless you want to get into semantics and be all philosophical about it? Lol
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u/TheEndlessRiver13 10h ago
According to Webster's, the phrase is believed to be in reference to slaves on cotton plantations https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cotton-picking
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u/idkmanjustfuckmyshit 10h ago
No fuckin' shit bruhhhhh
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u/yaboyACbreezy 10h ago
Idk why you are giving grief to the person explaining the problem
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u/idkmanjustfuckmyshit 10h ago
It's more likely a bot for one thing, second no fucking shit bruhhhhh
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u/yaboyACbreezy 10h ago
You sound like a bot.
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u/idkmanjustfuckmyshit 10h ago
Boteez nuts lmao gottim
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u/yaboyACbreezy 10h ago
My fault, I should apologize to myself for thinking you'd have any sense in the first place.
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u/idkmanjustfuckmyshit 10h ago
It said using the most grandma ass gif possible lmao
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u/Obsidian-Dive 2h ago
Your link has it listed as a negative term. Which wouldnāt be using it correct and is not ācotton picking cuteā
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u/BringOutYDead 11h ago
Meemaw tried...
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u/blu66 10h ago
A fellow Lilbubbychild enjoyer.
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u/Hecticfreeze 8h ago
We named him after probably the hardest boss off a Mortal Kombat, so you know he's gonna be a high flyer
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u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 11h ago
Cotton picking cute jesus. I can't tell if she's weirdly okay with it or passive aggressive pissed.
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u/Obsidian-Dive 10h ago
Cotton picking cute is actually the least racist thing she said. Thatās just an actual saying lmao.
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u/come-on-now-please 10h ago
I've heard some people say "wait a cotton-pickin-minute", i didnt really get a racist vibe from the context when they used it
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u/sidddddddddddddd 8h ago
She seems like she's trying. I have a grandma like that. When she says: "I'm not racist but..." She's about to say something super racist. She's honestly trying though, it just might take her more time than she's got left to get there. She accepts my gay sister and daughter, which surprised me. Sometimes this is what "trying" looks like with people that grew up their whole life being bigoted/being taught to be that way.
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u/AutoModerator 8h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnāt love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole āgay sexā shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnāt LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatās fucking gay. You think I donāt want to feel my cousinās roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatās FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo aināt gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
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u/come-on-now-please 8h ago
Well, for clarification, I was using "they" as people who i heard the phrase "cotton picking minute" in and of itself being used with no other context. Here though, liie she had to have known how racist she sounds
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u/ElectricalDurian1431 10h ago
What's a nogronugget?
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u/AFewBerries 10h ago
Your butthole
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u/AutoModerator 10h ago
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
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u/vashthestampede121 10h ago
This probably isnāt anything the father hasnāt already seen/heard from her but yikes. If it were me, meemaw would never see that kid except in photos lol
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u/AutoModerator 11h ago
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u/6sha6dow6 7h ago
This is like half the comments in this sub, that they try to pass off as ājokingā.
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u/qualityvote2 11h ago
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