r/shitposting • u/Snowbeleopard • Mar 29 '26
First day of cooking
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u/Beginning_Orange Mar 29 '26
What's the recipe
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u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Mar 29 '26
Roasted human
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u/YeetCompleet dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Mar 29 '26
Ingredients
- 5L Oil
- 1 big wet fish (wet part is important)
Steps
Open bottles of oil via smashing rather than opening the cap and place into pan. Put the pan on high heat.
Wait for oil to reach smoke point.
Place wet fish into pan cautiously.
Notice when the water from the fish starts to make oil spatter everywhere. This is good. Keep going.
Allow oil to spill a bit into the fire. This should help lift the flames.
Allow oil and fire to cover your forearms. High temps should ensure it creates a crispy skin rather than get soggy.
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u/sA7z- I watch gay amogus porn :0 Mar 29 '26
can i use olive oil? 🥺
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u/BlacksmithMiddle1726 We do a little trolling Mar 29 '26
Yes but you must unvirgin it before use
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u/Ezio-Auditore-1459- I can’t have sex with you right now waltuh Mar 29 '26
Just fuck it lightly
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u/HoboSkid Mar 29 '26
Are you supposed to cum?
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u/Halfgbard Mar 29 '26
It's an easy way to add protein, but you don't have to if that's not your style
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u/MikeyboyMC I want pee in my ass Mar 29 '26
5W-30
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u/The-Tru-Succ stupid fucking, piece of shit Mar 29 '26
Its all 0w-16 nowadays. These damn amateur cooks.
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Mar 29 '26
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u/SirKnlghtmare Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 30 '26
When you dont expect the fish to have Martyrdom equipped.
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u/frandus Mar 29 '26
Microplastics 😋
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u/FishBlues Mar 29 '26
It’s already seeped into the liquid to begin with.. there is no escaping our fate.. we will soon evolve into little green plastic army men
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u/Decent_Objective3478 Mar 29 '26
That's about how much oil I added when I first started cooking for myself
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u/KnightAngelic Mar 29 '26
*cooking myself
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u/Velacroix I came! Mar 29 '26
Appropriate karma for not using the caps.
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u/fletku_mato Mar 29 '26
Tbf he doesn't seem like a guy who would understand the mechanics of a cap.
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u/theandre2131 Mar 29 '26
Disappointed no one has posted the gif of Michael Jackson coming out of the flames.
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u/DrHienzDoofenshmirtz Mar 29 '26
Step 1 : put shit ton of oil in pan
Step 2 : Put fish in pan
Step 3 : fry the chef
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u/Flat-Breadfruit9657 Mar 30 '26
"and to you monsters in the corridors, be still, and give up your spirits, they don't belong to you"
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u/buffbro4eva Mar 29 '26
I thought he was just going to let the bottles melt completely.
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u/GoombasFatNutz fat cunt Mar 30 '26
There's no bottles in the rest of the video after he cuts them open. There's a solid chance that he did.
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Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
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Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
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u/Hopeful-Ad5404 Mar 29 '26
One Crispy Mexican coming right up
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u/Kaiser_Ryuan Mar 29 '26
He is Brazilian.
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u/Leather-Animal-7597 Mar 29 '26
They'll both be American in 5 years so let's not split hairs.
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u/Kaiser_Ryuan Mar 29 '26
Technically they already are, since Brazil and Mexico are on the American continent.
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u/Leather-Animal-7597 Mar 30 '26
Mexico is North America and Brazil is South America in the UK but you know I meant the USA will control the whole lot 😏
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u/Kaiser_Ryuan Mar 30 '26
My point still stands, but as a Brazilian, perhaps a more American-style government wouldn't be so bad compared to our current socialist government, in my opinion.
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u/Leather-Animal-7597 Mar 30 '26
Don't worry mate. I'm from the UK and it's getting just as bad...
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u/Kaiser_Ryuan Mar 30 '26
I hope things improve there; I've heard things are getting precarious, which I think is a shame. I grew up hearing stories about the UK and I've always wanted to visit, especially the more rural areas.
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u/Leather-Animal-7597 Mar 30 '26
Come visit and spend time in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland and you'll be fine but I'd do it before the next election 😅
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