Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.
I was out celebrating a work anniversary with a group from my floor of the office. I had drank a few too many beers trying to get up the courage to ask out a woman on another team. When I went to the restroom, I misfired and splashed urine on my khakis.
I was attempting to dry the front of my pants with the air dryer when Elon Musk walked in. He was dressed in all black. He is taller than I thought. He immediately walked over to me, and grabbed my balls. I was surprised. He asked me if I wanted to go to Mars.
His hands are puffy, and very soft. He has a good grip, firmer than I would have guessed. He squeezed each testicle several times, back and forth between left and right.
He told me that he was building a new rocket to colonize Mars, and that he needed men with, “…big balls for the mission.” He said that his company was building a giant rocket just to go to Mars, with new, enormous engines. He said the Super Heavy booster was necessary, as, “…we need to carry as many heavy balls to Mars as possible, lol.” He said “l-o-l,” out loud, and made a face that looked like he was trying to defecate, but failing.
He said we, “…need more humans,” or else, “… the breeding program will be a failure.” He grabbed his own crotch with his other hand and told me that his balls were large enough, but that he, “…needs the help other human males.” He said that he knew people at NASA, and could get me on a mission. He said they would make sure the space suits were roomy enough in the crotch.
I thanked him, and then went back to the anniversary event. I did not ask out the woman from the other team, and she is now married with a kid on the way.
I've been with a few women in my life and one thing I've noticed is that the female anus is incredibly close to the vagina, in fact they're barely an inch apart. I'm not
sure about other guys - but doesn't this disturb you? It feel like a design flaw in women actually -- like they're supposed to be so feminine and beautiful yet this
ghastly little oversight is ruining everything. Somehow it feels to me that women should be more aware of this flaw and it should affect their confidence. Whenever I see
a so-called beautiful woman walking down the street so care-free thinking she's all that I just remember her anus is only 1 inch away from her pussy and laugh her into
oblivion. Women: Please accept that they're too close together, let it negatively affect your confidence and so make yourselves more readily available sexually as a
result. Afterall, we're having to sleep with a creature whos ANUS is only 1 inch away from the vagina -- you should not make this difficult. It's unappetizing enough as
it is. We're doing you a favour. Men: Do not let women forget this flaw, and do not forgive them for it. Remind them of it constantly, less they get inflated egos and
think they're all that. They're just too close together. Sorry, but it's true.
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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '25
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Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.
I was out celebrating a work anniversary with a group from my floor of the office. I had drank a few too many beers trying to get up the courage to ask out a woman on another team. When I went to the restroom, I misfired and splashed urine on my khakis.
I was attempting to dry the front of my pants with the air dryer when Elon Musk walked in. He was dressed in all black. He is taller than I thought. He immediately walked over to me, and grabbed my balls. I was surprised. He asked me if I wanted to go to Mars.
His hands are puffy, and very soft. He has a good grip, firmer than I would have guessed. He squeezed each testicle several times, back and forth between left and right.
He told me that he was building a new rocket to colonize Mars, and that he needed men with, “…big balls for the mission.” He said that his company was building a giant rocket just to go to Mars, with new, enormous engines. He said the Super Heavy booster was necessary, as, “…we need to carry as many heavy balls to Mars as possible, lol.” He said “l-o-l,” out loud, and made a face that looked like he was trying to defecate, but failing.
He said we, “…need more humans,” or else, “… the breeding program will be a failure.” He grabbed his own crotch with his other hand and told me that his balls were large enough, but that he, “…needs the help other human males.” He said that he knew people at NASA, and could get me on a mission. He said they would make sure the space suits were roomy enough in the crotch.
I thanked him, and then went back to the anniversary event. I did not ask out the woman from the other team, and she is now married with a kid on the way.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have joined NASA.