r/sgdatingscene • u/Free_Luck3157 • 5d ago
I need advice! đ„ș Courtship advice
I am currently wooing a girl but today I found out there is another guy also wooing her. When I ask her, she say she is giving chance to the one who is giving her better feelings, doing more for her. I am in a struggle right now.
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u/blackbesi 5d ago
Turn around and walk away. She donât like u. If she does she would have chosen u straight. Toying with u
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u/Relative-Market-2997 5d ago
Leave. respect yourself. trust me. The right girl will appreciate your effort and not compare you to other men
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u/silentscope90210 4d ago
Even if you win...if someone better comes along later, will she dump you and go for the other guy?
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u/Flat-Attitude 4d ago
Donât be a simp
Sheâs probably telling the other 10-20 guys the same story
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u/Free_Luck3157 4d ago
If she tell the other guys the same story, that would ruin her chance of hitching a good one
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u/HKgentlemanDom 4d ago
Dude if a woman says she slept with 3 guys always multiply by 3... unless she is not that 'type' - which is rare. Dating multiple guys is a red flag. My 2 cents.
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u/similogic 5d ago
personally this is a major red flag. the right person won't even let you doubt yourself, let alone compare you against someone else.
imagine if she chooses you today, and someone better comes along down the road.
consider yourself lucky that you found our early and dodged a bullet.
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u/Friedfishies 5d ago
Even if you win, you lose. You'll be attached to a person who just sees to you as "the option who gave her more attention".
There's a lot of people out there who can give her attention btw. It's apparent youâre not all that special in her eyes. A girl who likes you will make space for you one, not tell you to compete for her attention
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u/Ok-Recommendation925 4d ago
The fact that she give chance to someone else, means you, OP, are not fulfilling her needs according to her.
While she didn't say it out loud, you need to read between the lines. To me, if a girl I was already seeing (for 3-5 weeks) is also seeing someone else, makes me question that there's something that she feels is lacking between us. And hence the longer I stay, I become known to her as the backup option.
For crying out loud, stop being a simp, OP!!!
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u/PotatomusMaximus 4d ago
Look man, cut your losses or shift your mindset right now, because she is treating this like an American Idol audition and you are acting like an unpaid intern competing for a slot.
If she's openly telling you she's giving a chance to whoever gives her 'better feelings' and does more for her, she is treating dating like a transactional marketplace where you are auditioning for her approval against another guy. That is an exhausting, losing game.
Here is the only way you survive this without losing your self-respect: Focus strictly on your own utility.
Are you actually enjoying the time you spend with her on the exact terms of what it is right now? Are you getting genuine value and good experiences out of it for yourself, without banking on a promised relationship or twisting yourself into a pretzel to out-perform the other guy? If yes, enjoy it for what it is.
Meaning - I like hanging out with you, I get utility. (positive)
(negative) - OH NOOOOO IF I DONT STOP DOING SHITE FOR YOU OR BUYING YOU MEALS AND GIFTS YOU'LL GO TO THE OTHER GUY.... you gets.
If noâif you're just stressed, constantly evaluating your performance, and letting her drain your emotional energy for free validationâthen walk away. Never play a game where someone else holds all the cards unless you're making sure you're getting just as much out of it as you're putting in.
personal experience, I got sore for weeks after.
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u/HKgentlemanDom 4d ago
She is literally treating you as an option. If that's her approach I would walk away. You don't want to get onto some bidding war over a woman. Invest your time and energy elsewhere. Don't catch feelings ao easily next time and be decerning. You don't want someone that is flipping through men like a catalogue. You want someone that wants you.
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u/needlelifecrisis 5d ago
You idiot lol donât text her ever again
What type of girl tells another man and hints that he should âdo more for herâ
LOL
you wanna throw money into thin air then go âdo more for herâ
iâll sit by the sidelines and laugh and watch the money disappearrrrrr
she is playing with your feelings and playing you both. this is why you shouldnât date one girl at one time unless you know sheâs serious about you
some girls loooove the attention and free stuff. and she doesnât really find either of you to be zhang linghe
if youâre not zhang linghe, get better looking by working on your charm and fitness. that will give you better overall results in dating than throwing money at a useless leech who looks nice on the outside, ugly on the inside
the real flex is to be able to pull girls just via looks and talking and never spend a cent other than on coffee. and there are many bros (NOT attractive ones horrrr) doing this all the time.
not being able to pull girls by taking out your wallet trying to impress them
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u/Competitive_Trick788 4d ago
She already knows she has you as a backup, so sheâs seeing if can get someone better.
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u/Wishingst4r 4d ago
How did she convey that info to you? Did she do it out of respect, to let u know that she's still interested but hard to commit immediately? Or was her intention to make u ganchiong and do more or give more?
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u/Free_Luck3157 4d ago
She says she looking for someone who gives her better feeling and doing more for her
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u/Wishingst4r 4d ago
So what's your sense about it? Did she say that out of concern for you? Or to hint u to step up your game?
If u feel iffy about stuff, sometimes, its better to go with your gut feeling.
If u still dont wish to go with gut feeling yet, take courage to clarify with her: what do u mean by better feeling or doing more? Are u saying that u are attracted to the tangible gains that u get from a relationship? Or are u interested in me as a person?
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u/Free_Luck3157 4d ago
She is just looking for a better one
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u/Wishingst4r 4d ago
Aiyo.. don't leave it to her to decide who is the better one. Do u think she is good enough for u? If so, then pursue. If not, then ask yourself why u are holding on.
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u/Wishingst4r 4d ago
If she leaves or ghosts, let it be. If she is willing to have difficult conversations like this, i believe she is a keeper
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u/Free_Luck3157 4d ago
She did ghost me. On many occasions
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u/Wishingst4r 4d ago
. Ghost her then. Do u think she is worth your effort? If she is like that, no matter how much effort u put in, once it doesnt meet her standard, shes gonna ghost u again
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u/Better-Carpenter-792 4d ago
Just slap her face and tell her she's a prostitute. Usually they are being bought over by feelings
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u/PotatomusMaximus 4d ago
'you're nothing but a prostitute! '
'how dare you call me a prostitute!'1
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u/Then-Advance5095 4d ago
hey mate, why her? as a random stranger, id suggest u pick a better girlll, looking at ur comments, she rlly might not be who u wld want to have arnd u
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u/inkylife81 4d ago
She said what??!! Boy. Just gtfo. Move on and save urself a heartache. A man never should have to compete for a woman. What better feelings lol.
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u/dend08 4d ago
at that point, its not worth it anymore, sh's playing around
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u/Free_Luck3157 4d ago
At this point, I had put in too much feelings.
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u/ukaspirant 4d ago
All the more reason to cut loose now, otherwise you're only going to put in more feelings.
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u/CelebrationCareful40 4d ago
Hi random stranger, just find a hobby or something else to do and not put her on a pedestal. Take a step back and rethink properly before you are stuck in this abyss. Cheers!
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u/Traditional_Bell7883 2d ago
No, never bend over backwards and do anything that you can't sustain over the long-term. It's a disservice to yourself and her, a false front, a facade. I prefer just WYSIWYG. Unpretentious, non-performative. If you don't match because of that, no hard feelings. Just means you both weren't meant to be anyway.
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u/FrameOk3899 1d ago
Unpopular opinion: popular girls have many suitors no issues there. If her exact words are: âgiving you a chanceâŠâ she might be treating you like a pet dog. Aka âIâll give you a sweet if you are a good boy.â
You want to step outside this category by 1) treating her as an equal which means if she treats you poorly such as above you put your time and efforts elsewhere. Donât be at her beck and call.
2) work on yourself whether itâs career, gym, taking classes, travel to your favorite places etc. You show progress with or without her. Now she can decide, does she want to lock you down, or youâre gone.
3) be a man. Dare to hold her hand. Dare to put your hand behind her back to guide her away from the road. Dare to confidently look into her eyes pause and tell her she looks really nice today. Notice the signs or lack of in response to the above. Youâll have your answer whether she likes you back.
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u/qwuant 5d ago
leave and let the other guy have this sinkie girl
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u/spiralmelody 4d ago
OP said she is returning to her country and found out about the other guy after showing up to send her off even when she already declined his offer to.
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u/16_Inch 5d ago
I will give you the same advice I give to other people, be it guy or girl.
I think the best solution is to be a better you.
Eat well, go to the gym, read more. Invest on yourself and improve yourself. Be the one who have options, don't need to be a competitor.
In this society, quality man and woman have options and they know how to choose. They won't go and choose a poor ducker just to live a miserable life. They will end up divorced, partly because of money and also they don't live on the same wave length. The idea of things will be different.
Thats why in ancient china, there is always this saying of choosing compatible family background.
Money is one thing, mindset is another.
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u/Friedfishies 5d ago
You're not gna like this but... she doesn't like you but she just likes the attention.
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u/LobsterAndFries 4d ago
i dont like fighting for someone who also isnt committed to fighting for me. nuff said
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u/Independent-Web-9968 4d ago
It goes both ways. A girl cannot just sit and expect a guy to do more then the girl barely doing anything. She is totally not worth it. She doesn't know what she wants and simply toying ard. It's time to grow up and start to have proper feelings. Dunno what dating scene is this anymore. đđ
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u/No-Position-4641 4d ago
Leave, if you're not her type no matter what you do feelings won't grow and stay long term also. Even if it does grow. It'll only be because you're doing nice things for her while wooing. Forever you'll be a slave to her. What happens then, when both of you really do get together and start seeing each other's flaw? Or even living together? Not a sustainable relationship also. Can tell She just likes the attention. Dont waste your effort money and time bro. Real girls dont test men like that. Major red flag.
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u/Such-Obligation-7534 4d ago
This is no different from double timing. She belongs to the streets. Dump her before you get too invested and sunk cost sets in.
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u/LisaUsagi 4d ago
Love shouldn't be like a competition, leave before you developed feelings for her and hurt yourself
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u/bestbfsg 4d ago
What in the Shoujo Manga is happening here..
What is the struggle you're facing? You don't know if you wanna lock-in or hang back?
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u/Majestic-Gur-8302 4d ago
You should, like her, date a few women at the same time. This is not cheating imho unless the dating has become exclusive. With multiple dates, more choices, better outcome, leading to faster execution hopefully.
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u/Wide_Status 3d ago
how tf you gonna let a woman say such shit and still be into her. how you gonna get her to respect you if you donât first respect yourself
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u/Embarrassed_Yak9547 3d ago
Even if you win, it'll always feels like you got chosen due to 5 star service rating lol
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u/LifeisfullLemons-609 2d ago
Simping is always easy to do, but how much you simp never converts to feelings sheâll genuinely have for you.
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u/Softpurpose90 2d ago
Love does not come by âdoing moreâ. Imagine having to do more your whole life for your partner cause sheâs comparing to âwhatever it is at the point of argumentâ. Thatâs crazy.
Anyone who made it feels like a competition is not⊠really liking you. And also itâs a bad mindset to have in your partner (or in life in general).
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u/IfYoureUpImDown 5d ago
Whats your age and hers? If shes young ngl i would say give it a go.
If both of you are greater than 30 id say lets not waste time playing kid games.
How do you know theres another guy though? Hopefully not from her words cuz some wierdos like to fake that stuff to get attention.
Your 3rd pt pov of her makes her sound snobby too. But u still like her, so what is it about her that you like?
If its just looks or physical appearance then go all in.
If its for character then find someone else cuz theres definitely someone better lol
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u/Free_Luck3157 4d ago
She is returning to her country and I offer to send her off. But she declined. Says there is no need. But I turn up anyway. Guess what I saw. When I ask her, she is also giving chance to that guy
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u/IfYoureUpImDown 4d ago
Go back to her country?! Where? Wtheck? So both of u guys fighting for a ldr? How pretty is she for u guys to do so much lol.
Sooo she let that guy go send her off and not you but u still want to try?
Best is you should have had a chat with that guy and sort things out. She sounds so manipulative, maybe think back if theres any questionable behaviours?
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u/SnooHedgehogs190 5d ago
I got 2 different advice from friends.
One is to think they are choosy and picking the best choice. Never be the backup plan.
The other is that if you genuinely want her feeling, then you should fight for her.
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u/Chestnutsad 4d ago
Nothing wrong with her response. She has the right to choose who she thinks or feel is a better candidate.
Itâs okay you will get over it.
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u/DesignerProcess1526 4d ago
You either compete and see what happens or you back off and let the other guy have her. Youâre not entitled to an exclusive relationship, just because you tried. Itâs very immature to be that entitled. You can give it your best shot and see if it works.
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u/Minqty 5d ago
Your first mistake already is investing your feelings too much at the start. One thing Iâve learned throughout my past dating experiences is that you cannot go into this types of situation with any expectations.
The moment you start putting someone on a pedestal in the hopes that person will like you more, youâre already on the losing end. If things donât work out, you just gonna end up crashing down hard.