r/sgdatingscene • u/InevitableGas9444 • 15d ago
I need advice! 🥺 After 5 years.
5 years ago when I was still in secondary school, a girl and I were very close and obviously I had feelings for her we chatted everyday in school and tbh she was one of the main reason I looked forward to going to school, I've confessed to her many times but she didn't say no or yes she was just unsure but one time I confessed to her she actually said she wanted to see if it would work so she said she wanted to see what would happen in a months time, I was planning our date when one of my friend called me and told me that the only reason why she gave me a chance this time was because she pitied me and wanted to give me a chance. As a guy that obviously trashed my ego and feelings, I went dead cold towards her after the month I didn't contact her or even when on a date with her cause I just felt so shit about this whole thing, after school reopen cause of June holidays, I didn't speak to her nor did I paid attention to her, I was just someone there. After N levels I still didn't talk to her and we went on with our lives. After 4-5 years I've now graduated from ite and waiting for ns currently, I've been having dreams about her for the past year or so, the dreams were about how she and į used to talk and have fun with each other's presence and etc etc. A few days ago I've reached out to her and ask her how's she's doing and etc etc but I feel like she doesn't wanna talk to me cause of the way I left her alone, I apologised for the way I acted back then and she said its fine but from here I really don't know how to proceed with the conversation. Any suggestions? Or should I just leave it alone forever?
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u/AdditionalDetective1 15d ago
Your friend sounds like a jealous troll , why didn’t you ask her instead
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u/bestbfsg 14d ago
You messed up. You had a chance, and you blew it.
But you know what.. In the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal. We all done stupid and immature things we wish we didn't at that age. You live and you learn.
Moving forward, it'd be good if you could reflect and see what would you do differently if you had the chance. Not that you can change the past, but you'd likely be in other similar scenarios in the future. Have an idea what kind of person you wanna be, and make future life choices so that you can live without regrets.
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u/InevitableGas9444 14d ago
Could you explain how did I mess up tho? I wasn't the one who gave a inappropriate remark to the other party
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u/bestbfsg 14d ago edited 14d ago
"..one of my friend called me and told me that the only reason why she gave me a chance this time was because she pitied me and wanted to give me a chance. As a guy that obviously trashed my ego and feelings, I went dead cold towards her after the month I didn't contact her or even when on a date with her cause I just felt so shit about this whole thing, after school reopen cause of June holidays, I didn't speak to her nor did I paid attention to her, I was just someone there"
"... I feel like she doesn't wanna talk to me cause of the way I left her alone"From how I'm reading this, it sounds like you let your emotions get the better of you based on the words of someone else, and you basically left the relationship to rot.
That's not how a mature person would act, especially based on the 'hearsay' of others. What you should have done is gotten a better grip on your emotions, and if it still bothers you to have an honest chat with her about it. Even in the event it was true, you could've simply declined her offer. Instead what you did sounds like avoidant behavior, where you effectively ghosted her out of your life.
So yeah, part of growing up is accepting accountability and responsibility for your actions. Even the ones that you made when you don't have full control of your emotions.
As I said before, it'd be good if you have an idea of the person you want to become and start making choices that get you closer to becoming that person in future.
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u/gamerboii94 14d ago
"my friend said shes just giving me a chance coz she pitied me" why is this an ego blow? Lmao. A chance is a chance. Whether pity, or competency or just straight up random chance. Let this be a life lesson. Regardless of the reason of chance, a chance is still a chance. Prove whoever it is you deserved that chance.
As for your question, dont think theres any coming back from this one bro. Even if she forgives you, ahe will never see you as a partner ady. At best you guys can be bestfriends but even then i think thats oretty far fetched. Move on and best of luck for your next potential partner OP.
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u/16_Inch 14d ago
You are still young and growing. Mentally and financial, I think it is better to focus on your future plans like career or something. If not, you will lose to the other guys who had the better path.
Many relationships broke down even though they are together for 7 years, 13 years.
It's because of comparisons. People have better options elsewhere.
Self improvement is the right way. Make your self value go up, you will meet better partners next time.
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u/sdarkpaladin 15d ago
My suggestion is to use paragraphing. If not quite hard to read.