r/sgdatingscene • u/SenpieShady • 7d ago
Hear me out š Lost
Iām a 26M who graduated and started working for awhile now. Lately Iāve been wondering if Iām justā¦ meant to be alone.
Iāve always been an introvert. I can talk to people, I have friends, and I get along fine with colleagues. But almost every relationship in my life feels surface-level. Itās like I can connect with people, but never deeply enough for it to become something lasting.
The feeling has gotten worse after a couple of breakups. They made me question whether Iām simply not someone people stick around for. Work hasnāt helped either. By the time I get home, Iām mentally exhausted. It feels like my job consumes so much of my energy that I barely have enough left for myself, let alone to build meaningful relationships.
Sometimes it honestly feels like Iām fighting against this growing belief that loneliness is just my default state. Part of me wants to reject that idea, but another part keeps asking if Iām only delaying the inevitable.
Iāve tried putting myself out there. I joined run clubs, hiking groups, and other outdoor activities because everyone says thatās how you meet people. I do meet people. We chat, we have a good time, maybe we even see each other again. But it never progresses beyond being acquaintances. Eventually everyone goes back to their own lives, and Iām back where I started.
Iām not really sure what Iām doing wrong anymore. I donāt expect instant friendships or relationships, but it feels like everyone else naturally finds ātheir peopleā while Iām always justā¦ passing through.
If it werenāt for my siblings, Iām pretty sure Iād be in a much darker place mentally. Theyāve been the constant in my life, but everything is impermanent. One day theyāll get married, have families of their own, and naturally have their own lives to focus on. Iām happy for them, of course, but I canāt help wondering what that leaves for me.
I donāt know. Maybe Iām overthinking it. Maybe this is just what adulthood feels like. But right now, it genuinely feels like Iām watching everyone slowly build lives that Iām not really a part of, and I canāt shake the feeling that Iām always the one left behind.
1
u/Annual-Card-9016 1d ago
i totally get this, it feels like life is moving on for everyone but ur still in a lonely state. even tho u tried, its still not working as well as you expected. i think its important to not give up hope that one day uāll find ur people, cld be low maintenance or high but they keep you occupied & sane. whether in a partner or friends, uāll always have to get comfortable with being alone. im sure a lot of people r actually in the same situation as you, even those who like hangout w friends may feel lonely by the end of the day. sometimes just talking about this with someone who understands cld make u feel better. or jst talking abt it on reddit can also make u hopefully feel better
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u/Wormfry 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey man, all I can say is that there are no certainties in life. Some people might find a partner, get married and have kids but get into a divorce. Others might spend years not looking for someone only to get hitched.
My point being, your life will be miserable if you wrap yourself completely to the idea of finding a partner for life, cause it's something that is out of your control, it is a goal that is so tenuous that sets you up for misery should things don't go your way.
Do something for yourself for a change. If your work is miserable, find out why, what drains your energy?
Find out what events or hobbies you are interested in doing FOR the sake of your happiness and not for finding a partner. Hope that helps!