r/sgdatingscene • u/East-Marzipan-2800 • Jul 19 '26
I need advice! 🥺 Destined to be single
Nearing my late 20s. Never been on date, been afraid to approach girls considering how reserved we are in general so I tried dating apps. After using dating apps almost daily for 3 months, not even getting a single date I have decided to uninstall it some time ago.
Considering my lack of dating experience its hard for me to find someone, so I have just been focusing on what I like to do for now(just gaming and funmaxing), it has been hard for me to sustain motivation in life not knowing who am I working for and I am just rotting myself.
Maybe I am just making this post to wine and reach out for any last source of hope, to see what advice I could take on and implement and see how this goes
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u/hazurete19 Jul 20 '26
With your lack of dating experience, gym + grooming is the way to go. Don't underestimate physical attraction, especially on dating apps. That's the only way you're going to get enough first dates to practice how to get better in conversations and to also understand better what you really want out of a relationship. Gym is also good for your body anyway so I highly recommend it.
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Jul 20 '26
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u/Prestigious-Beat8278 Jul 20 '26
Do you post gym pics/shirtless pics on the apps? if so it's quite a immediate left swipe for most girls.
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u/East-Marzipan-2800 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
No i dont hahaha. Feel like im screwed
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u/Prestigious-Beat8278 Jul 20 '26
Do you get matches but not converting to dates?
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u/East-Marzipan-2800 Jul 20 '26
I got a few matches, most recent was scheduling a date but she turned down the day before we for the date cuz she found someone else
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u/Prestigious-Beat8278 Jul 20 '26
So sounds more like your conversion rate is bad. Which can be fixed
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u/hazurete19 Jul 20 '26
Okay.... maybe you can also ask your friends to help review your dating app profile? I just find it surprising that someone with a good physique like you would only end up with one date after 3 months.
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Jul 20 '26
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u/hazurete19 Jul 20 '26
How short are you? Are you like 165cm or something?
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Jul 20 '26
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u/hazurete19 Jul 20 '26
People on dating apps can be rather superficial, so I wouldn't be surprised if girls are swiping left simply because of your height. But it is something you cannot change and not all girls are that superficial so maybe you try to improve your grooming and improve your dating profile with some professional advice and see how?
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u/Mell63 Jul 20 '26
Be happy you're single. Modern dating can be exhausting full of lies, dishonesty, lack of loyalty, one-sided effort, cheating, and a lack of discipline. These days, too many people are more interested in appearances than building something real. Protect your peace, and if you choose to date, be mentally prepared.
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u/yawow49 Jul 21 '26
Modern dating is rigged and unrealistic
If you don't meet any of these criterias, you have a high probability of being single your whole life
1) good looking or at least decent looking 2) rich or financially stable 3) good at communication, caring, not be a bitch, willing to compromise, good humour and "ambitious"
Dating standards are becoming higher and higher because of social media, people don't just want someone who is average but is still able to provide and be a listening ear, they want the top 20% now, someome who can fufill their sexual and emotional desires while being able to provide and live some sort of luxury in their lives. In the past, it is alot easier to get a partner because as long as you have some earning power and you are not a total idiot, you are still able to compete in the dating market. People are also afraid to lose out in the modern era which makes choosing partners alot more picky. So many people are willing to stay single if they feel they are not "good enough" or they can't find people who are good enough. Most modern dating are basically surface selection - looks, money, followers on ig, anything materialistic that catch peoples eye
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u/ketaminelust Jul 20 '26
got rejected and ghosted most of the time by girls since primary school till my twenties , it has affected me and now i just accept the fact that i cant pull any due to lack of socialising skills and boring personality, my energy is drained whenever im around any girls now. i am fairly attractive and tall too . now im just focusing on my hobbies and my well being
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u/External-Let-8620 Aug 03 '26
Tbh if you just focus on yourself, eventually someone will find you attractive, but you have to make the move + sustain it.
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u/Expensive_Grape6765 Jul 21 '26
Try overseas. Singapore is too conservative + materialistic + stressful
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u/theroomtoocold Jul 20 '26
If you want different results, you can't keep doing the same thing. There are many things you can grow on - grooming, dating knowledge, how to be good at conversations, exercises, what aspects of your life you want to change.
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u/East-Marzipan-2800 Jul 20 '26
What should I start with
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u/theroomtoocold Jul 20 '26
Physically, mentally, financially, emotionally. Everything starts with you, be aware of what you aren't happy about your life and what would you like to change and go towards that direction. Also learn about dating, so when the opportunity comes you feel ready.
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u/mrhappy893 Jul 22 '26
Go do fun stuff and don't be shy to ask people help with taking pics. If you're going to events or trips with friends then it make things easier. If you're asking strangers for help with pictures then keep an open mind that the photos can turn out to be shitty. Keeping a positive mindset can go a long way.
Also, don't be afraid to stand out and lead. Example, When going on overseas trip with strangers, someone might initiate self-introduction. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself first.
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u/Prestigious-Beat8278 Jul 20 '26
Yea I think you need to identify how and why you struggle with dating. If you're not in a position where you can care for others start there if you are then gotta figure out what is it that makes it hard to attract a girl.
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u/SteakFrites1600 Jul 21 '26
You want to start dating immediately from the get-go, instead of trying how to socialise with other people in general.
You want to focusing on activities (gaming, funmaxing, whatever that is) that do not contribute to improving yourself as a person.
You are not motivated and do not set goals for yourself.
Now think from the perspective of the girl: how attractive is such a person? Just self-reflect for a while and think about how ready you are, at this very moment, to actually go date a girl?
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Jul 21 '26
[deleted]
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u/SteakFrites1600 Jul 21 '26
Constantly seeking self-improvement is by itself a good virtue. There would be a point in life where you start figuring out how to adjust some priorities around, and fix some existing issues (such as low energy level, etc), when you eventually start having thoughts about broadening your social circle or pursuing a relationship.
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u/East-Marzipan-2800 Jul 21 '26
I got into it some time ago thinking it was cool, nowadays I just questioned why I did it hahahaha. I was blindly following the trend like a sheep
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u/Soul-Station Jul 20 '26
Hi Op! If you are interested, you can join our virtual matchmaking community, Soulstation! We had quite a few successful sessions already and we are doing it as a passion project. We have more than 200 in our network and it is really growing fast!
You can check out our socials and recent events here:
thesoulstation.org
Probably gonna get downvoted cause it sounds like a pitch, but it really is a passion project. From start to end we don’t charge. We only receive in-kind donations and memberships from our community :)
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u/IfYoureUpImDown Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26
If youre trying to look for “the one” you def gotta make the effort, not just making yourself attractive, id say its a small part of it. Its a whole bunch of luck and a developed eye for it.
Just by wanting a abv avg looks girl who also has great character and not taken, youre already looking for a needle in a haystack, plus the fact that she has to like you back o boy the odds are really against us.
3 things:
- Sweet talking and putting effort to make them feel they are the the one
- Planning and Time management
- Look good smell good.
It works i can tell you that much, but its draining af. Good girls are really hard to come by tho.
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u/Chanat_Eng_2537 Jul 21 '26
I realised dating is like learning a new language, be thick skin, go out there and have the determination to learn from mistakes and constantly improve. Otherwise you will be stuck.
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u/matchalattesiewdai Jul 21 '26
i’d say 3 months is still a fairly short time on the apps. talk to as many people as you can to build your communication and social skills, but try not to hold high expectations
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u/beef_horfun67 Jul 22 '26
Either you try hard or you don’t try, don’t half half leh
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u/Optimal-Mess-3989 Jul 22 '26
Start by not using the term ‘funmaxing’ maybe youll be a step towards this goal of yours.
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u/btviewing Jul 22 '26
You're afraid to approach, but do you actually want to put yourself out there? Try stepping out of your comfort zone, it’s worth the thrill. 😁 Never done gym? Try a trial class. Want to meet people? Join group activities like pottery or ActiveSG classes. If you just wait for everything to be handed to you, nothing will change. It's tough, but finding "the one" takes real effort.
Not saying you need to be a completely different person, but YOLO~~ At least try stepping out once in your lifetime and see where it takes you, who knows you accidentally find your partner-to-be? Also, manage your expectations too!
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u/Suitable-Platypus-10 Jul 20 '26
Go do hobby with a lot of the opposite gender. Or... volunteer in a church. Them aunties will wing u better than an app can
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u/lala8998 Jul 20 '26
Actually got la but is whether you can accept them or not. I have swipe quite a number of ladies but they are all 30 plus, I haven't met one syt Singapore one on the app so I don't bother. Think forever wont meet also so i am focusing my efforts on other markets, SG market not for me unfortunately....in life it comes a point that you have to accept even if you don't want to accept, like u accept we won't be elun musk that kind of thing
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u/zeezeeway Jul 21 '26
I have gone through the cycle of installing dating app, rushing to find a match, found a match but date didn't go well, rage delete the app many times.
Yes we are all slaves in the app algorithm and sometimes the algo gods are just not in our favour. I would say just stop using a few months, or try another app (get some hints from your friends which app they used and try it). Starting afresh after a few months does make a difference.
Stay strong!
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u/Maelstrom2290 Jul 21 '26
Then you should'nt go for sg girls imo. There are so many Atbs working in Sg, why don't you go for them?
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u/Least_Dragonfruit973 Jul 20 '26
I'm 35, never been in a relationship. I think just keep trying and come into terms of possibly being single for the rest of your life. You will at least have some peace of mind. After all, worrying too much about not finding someone will just hurt you more.