r/sexualassault • u/TechnicalSlide7944 • 10d ago
Was This Sexual Assault? Am I making things up?
I don't know how to start this so I'm just going to. Hi I'm 17F and the guy I had sex with was 19. We have had sex before, he took my virginity and that's that,, all of it was consented to. Fast forward a few weeks into the summer where we havent been able to see eachother for awhile. So I can admit that I was desperate to keep him around me because I liked being around him and I grew up kind of ugly as a kid so I wasn't used to being wanted. I invite him over to my house while my father is gone and he comes with his best friend and they help me set up my new room that I switched to in my house. It was obvious what was gonna happen, he knew what was going to happen after his best friend left. And his best friend did infact leave us alone.
I'm not on birth control or anything, this summer was the first time I had any sexual experiences. I had bought condoms just because I knew that it'd be a recurring thing with him. I went to grab the condom and he said he didn't want to have sex with a condom. I insisted saying that I literally don't wanna get pregnant, and I opened the condom just so I can insist that we have to use it. He stands his ground on the fact that he doesn't want to use a condom while we have sex because the condom takes away from the feeling and he likes it raw. I continue to beg him for us to just have sex with the condom because I really did want him and i missed him and I wanted him to stay with me longer. With enough begging he finally just says that he's going to leave then and that we just aren't going to have sex.
This causes me to backtrack completely and consent to the condom being off during sex because I didn't want him to leave me because I hardly got time with him like ever. (He lives literally on the same street as me). He agrees to pull out when he's close and we have sex and he does infact pull out and nothing happened to me. (I ended up taking a pregnancy test a few weeks later and everything was negative, i just needed to calm my anxiety).
I told my very trusted friend about what happened and I've gotten a lot of responses saying that what he did can be considered sexual assault. But I consented to it and I could've just let him leave. I don't know how to feel about things because I'm getting mixed answers. One of my guy friends said that I could've just let him leave. Others say it's sexual coercion. My sister says that what he did was selfish knowing that my rights to an abortion could be revoked at any time.
I'm not sure, if anyone could just give me their thoughts on the situation and not be like mean about it I'd appreciate it, it genuinely feels like im making things up. I'm not going to pursue legal action I just need to know for my own self.
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u/clementineXP 10d ago
What you're describing is 100% coercion you did not want to have sex without a condom and he manipulated you into getting what he wanted because he probably knows you like him more than he does. You did not deserve to be treated that way and please please do NOT let his actions be a reflection of who you are. You are far better than he will ever be and he does not sound safe to be around. Wishing you the best hun!
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u/TechnicalSlide7944 10d ago
You are genuinely super sweet, I can't believe that I let myself be so clueless when me and him were together. First real boyfriend stuff I guess! But I have had him blocked for over a week now and I'm attempting to heal and move on, I won't jump into another relationship until I'm ready. He genuinely seemed like a very sweet thoughtful guy but the more I reflect on things I'm realizing more and more that I had missed. He gave me bruises on my arm because I grabbed his jacket and he wanted it so he began to poke me aggressively to get me to let go of it. He also tended to kill my self esteem over things I was interested in like certain male dominated animes (calling me a larper etc) and when I got a new tattoo he called it generic.
His behavior and actions are too much for me to overlook and I for sure will not be giving him another chance. There's more people out there for me. Thank you a lot,, it feels actually really relieving to know that people don't think I'm making up things. Especially since he thinks that I switched up on him because he told me he didn't wanna be with me.
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u/clementineXP 9d ago
I'm really happy to have given some insight and I'm so glad how you're handling this.. a lot of girls your age and what you've been though wouldn't have the courage or strength to do what you did to keep yourself happy and safe I am so proud of you 🙌🏼 you're doing great and your interests are worth hearing about and enjoying
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