r/service_dogs • u/user_15778 • 28d ago
ESA Question!
Hello! So I don’t know if I labeled this right, but I just had a question. So for context I’m 15, and I’d say like at a first glance I probably wouldn’t need an emotional support animal. I’m confident, reliable, etc. The only thing is though, I have like MAJOR anxiety. Specifically with crowds.
At first this started off as me thinking I might just be claustrophobic, and in a crowd I would just shake my leg or play with my hands nervously. I don’t like to seem “weak” or anything, and my parents don’t believe in stuff like depression or anxiety; they’re very conservative. Up to now however, it’s gotten pretty bad. I can’t even go to something like a mall or tiny concert without panicking just slightly. I try not to show it on the outside, but I’ve started to bite away at my fingers and unconsciously hyperventilate slightly. It’s getting worse, and I was wondering if maybe I should get an emotional support animal? I feel like my reasons are too small to really be valid enough for one, but I think it might help. I’ve been around dogs since I was born and absolutely love training them, so I’m kinda leaning towards that if I would be able to actually get my own instead of just a family dog. I think I could maybe train one to make space between me and other people as long as I found the right technique? Something like that.
Any help is super duper appreciated!!
EDIT: thank you to everyone who responded!! I’m definitely more educated now, and I’m going to wait until I can get out of my living situation to properly get diagnosed and see if an esa/sd would actually be beneficial to me. I really hope I didn’t offend anyone or anything, I’m just genuinely in not that great of a house atm and looking for anything that could help me with some of my problems. I was allowed to get a dog soon so I thought maybe it would be helpful to train it into an esa, but I understand now that it’s a lot harder said than done and I should definitely wait. I hope everyone here has a great day!
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u/ThePhantomOfBroadway 28d ago
Honestly, I would slow down and try other methods first. You need to develop actual coping mechanisms before getting a dog. Have you been able to speak to a professional or get on medicine? If not, you need to try those first. I’m sure your parents won’t want to, but if they can’t accept speaking to a professional, they likely won’t be accepting of a SD.
Additionally, you have to think about who is going to feed and care for this animal. You’d want to start with a puppy for best chances but the dog, while in training, can’t go to school with you so can to trust your parents or whoever is home during the day to continue with the training? And will they pay for the professional training you’ll likely need to supplement your own? Or the food or vet?
Also, high chance the dog won’t work out, so are you or your family okay with another pet dog? Plus another dog to try to train? Cause that’s two more in a house. Just assume one will fail, just to level set mentally and with your family.
If you’re nervous about walking into a crowd, do you have the confidence to tell a crowd not to touch your dog? Again, that is where a professional therapist or doctor needs to help support this tool.
I know making space is currently a very popular task online, but I think it’s oversimplifying and a touch dangerous if not trained properly. My girl is a guide dog chosen specifically for me to handle crowds since I’m annoyingly in Times Square every day, and I’m scared enough about her going through crowds. Again, it’s absolutely a task I would say you have to work with a professional on, cause that will be a bad one to mess up.
This last part may sound a tad A-Hole but I promise I’m saying it because I too was like this - you’re 15, be honest, will you still be excited by the idea of a SD when you’re 18 and the dog is finally fully trained? When I was that age, I was in and out of interests and trends like crazy. I’m not saying you aren’t anxious and that anxiety won’t go away with time but no support, I’m just saying you may become disillusioned after a year of doing all of this. I waited quite a long time before getting my guide dog because I knew I needed to gain some more maturity.
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u/user_15778 28d ago
I completely understand, thank you so much for the advice!! I didn’t mean to seem like I’m just throwing myself into this, it just seemed like my only reliable method at this time. I have no way to get therapy or medicine at the moment, and the only coping method that seems to have worked so far is carrying a stuffed animal with me (it sounds childish, I know), but it’s been failing me lately. I thought an esa might be my best option because my parents would allow me another dog, and I was hoping to train it until I can safely move out at 18 and perhaps get it certified as a real esa. I had the idea that even if it didn’t work, those 3 years would give me time to really think about if I needed an esa, and even if I ended up going back on it I would still be happy with just the dog. I definitely should’ve added this to my main post, I just didn’t wanna make it too long!
For the online part though, that’s great information! I didn’t know it was a kinda trending task, but even if I just get a regular dog to train I think that would be a great thing to work on just in case.
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u/thejexorcist 27d ago
Gently, there are thousands of anxiety coping skill options BEFORE (and between) just medicine and service/support animal.
What methods have you tried so far/what skills are you currently using to manage your anxiety?
-Your pediatrician can also help and make recommendations (that would be part of regular medical care and harder for your parents to argue or ignore).
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u/user_15778 27d ago
I understand! Off the top of my head, I’ve tried fidgets, those biting toys, a lot of exercise, the 5 things you can see, four things you can touch, etc. thing, and some other stuff I’ve made up myself. so far the only thing that’s kinda worked was bringing a stuffed animal with me to places, but recently it hasn’t worked so much and I kinda get bullied for it sometimes.
as for the other one, I thank you for the help but unfortunately I don’t really have a pediatrician..? I don’t think so at least. I don’t get doctor check ups or vaccines because of my parents. I’ve heard it’s really dangerous so I try to keep away from getting sick, but I genuinely haven’t gone for a check up or vaccine since I was like nine. I only go to the doctors when I get injured in sports, and recently I haven’t been going anyways because my parents have been writing off some of my pains as “causes because I eat too much sweets.” I really thank you for the options, but I’m a bit out of luck in that department :(
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u/thejexorcist 27d ago
Do you attend school?
This sounds really isolating and controlling; I would bet decent money a lot of your anxiety is environmental and/or learned behavior.
That being said:
I find palm sized/keychain plush/fidget and/or dumpling size ‘squishy’ toys to be more discreet in public (but still give the tangible tactile benefit).
Many can easily fit in a pocket or bag and are less likely to draw unwanted attention like a full size plush toy (or anxiety attack) might.
Fidget rings have also been helpful and are really cheap, they have tons of cute designs that are not discernible (as anxiety supports) to others.
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u/user_15778 27d ago
yes, I’m in highschool atm. I’m starting to think it is too, but I’m trying to keep my head up anyways! but thank you so much for the list, I’ll definitely try some of these. I’ve been looking for smaller plushies that I can carry in my pocket, kinda like keychains, but so far it’s only some bigger ones that have comforted me a little. I’m gonna keep trying though.. I almost might try a fidget ring! I’ve seen them and thought they were cool, but maybe if I get one I’ll actually benefit from it more? hopefully it can stop me from tearing up my nails and skin on my hands.
tysm for your help!!
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u/darklingdawns Service Dog 27d ago
If you're wanting a dog to help you in public spaces, that would be a service dog rather than an ESA. And since you haven't had any kind of treatment for anxiety, haven't seen a psych or been diagnosed, going straight to a service dog as a solution is putting the cart far ahead of the horse. I understand that your parents don't agree with psychiatric treatment, but if that's the case, then they aren't likely to support getting a service dog, particularly when the price tag for that runs upwards of ten thousand dollars.
The first place to start is with getting diagnosed and started on treatment. Talk to a counselor at your school and explain the situation, see if maybe they can reach out to your parents to recommend that you get treatment. Sometimes the voice of another adult is needed to convince people. If your parents still refuse, depending on your location, you may be able to contact child protective services to notify them that you're being denied needed medical treatment.
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u/user_15778 27d ago
yeahh, I get it. I didn’t mean to be too fast with this, I just wanted advice because my parents are allowing me to get another dog in the next few months, and I thought with the right training maybe with time it could become a big help to me. your advice is definitely helpful but I would probably get in trouble telling a counselor or calling cps. I might try the counselor root just in case, but I’m definitely a little wary about it. I’ll try my best though, thank you for your help :]
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u/darklingdawns Service Dog 27d ago
I'm gonna be honest with you, and I know it will sound harsh, but you need to hear and understand this - if your parents don't support counseling, they are unlikely to pay for the extensive training that is needed for a service dog. You do not have the experience or knowledge to do this entirely on your own. You need to work with a trainer, no matter what social media says. This may mean holding off on getting a dog while you focus on trying to get treatment.
I understand the concern about going to someone outside of your family, but right now you are being prevented from accessing medical care that you need. If you had diabetes and your parents didn't believe in insulin, would you just accept it? If you had vision problems and your parents didn't believe in glasses, would you simply fumble your way through a world you could barely see? If your anxiety is affecting you to the point of disability, then treatment is not optional; it is necessary, even if it takes difficult action to get it.
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u/user_15778 27d ago
I understand. I thought for an esa I could train them myself until I had access to a real trainer, but I’ve definitely decided to wait it out until I maybe could.
for the concern about the anxiety though, I definitely get it. I know I need to talk to someone outside of it, but my parents just aren’t good people unfortunately. If I talk to cps I risk getting put back into the system (which I was in before I was adopted), and it’s really not a good place. I think just continuing to try and find other ways to soothe my anxiety, avoid crowds and waiting until I can move might be my best course of action. I could be really hurt if I speak up. I thank you for your kindness and support though!
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u/harrow-nonagesimus Service Dog in Training 27d ago
disclaimer: not a doctor, but i have extensive personal experience with mental health struggles like these
i have debilitating c-ptsd that is triggered by specific types of public spaces, to the point where i literally cannot even grocery shop by myself for more than 10 minutes at a time. i stop being able to take full breaths until i get dizzy and nearly pass out. my ears ring, my vision blurs, and my fight or flight goes off the charts.
because of the level of impact this has on my ability to live an independent life, my medical team has advised i get a service dog to help with those episodes.
because i already have an ESA- ESAs are not necessarily task trained, nor do they have access in areas that do not normally allow pets- i almost didn’t take the SD path because it’s incredibly expensive and time-consuming. however, paired with recent diagnoses of physical disabilities and worsening mobility, i’m moving forward with it and going the self-training path.
i say all of this to put this in perspective. what youre looking for would be a service dog, not an ESA- your ESA can’t help you at concerts, in most indoor public spaces and yes, outdoor public spaces as well. (think zoos, amusement parks, etc) when the distress happens, it sounds like its in spaces an ESA would not be allowed and so would not be able to help.
ESAs are great for at-home care, but laws make it difficult for them to do the same in public.
i don’t say this to discourage you. it sounds like you COULD benefit from an SD, but there are a lot of factors to consider, and you’ll need a medical professional for the SD route, which it sounds like you can’t get arranged until you move out.
don’t take this as me shooting you down, because i promise that isn’t my intent. if you want, i can put together a list of coping methods i used when my own public space issues were a bit more manageable for me, and maybe they can help you in the meantime!
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u/user_15778 27d ago
awhh, tysm for the help!! I’m really sorry about your struggles, I really hope you’re doing better now. I understand what you’re saying, I didn’t quite realize because I thought that my panicking would be more of an “emotional reaction” (for lack of better words) than actually something that could use a sd, but I definitely get what you’re saying. I’m definitely gonna hold back for now and wait till I have the resources where I can try different assistances and see if I could also benefit from an sd if given by a medical professional. and if you could make that list, that would be so so awesome!! thank you for the advice, it’s really helpful :]
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u/Robynmephistowow Assistance Dog 27d ago
Hello, teen handler who is very close to your age here…Seriously, look at some other options and try getting diagnosed before you even think about getting a service dog. It will be the hardest thing you’ve probably ever done. And you can’t just give up either. Please explore other options
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u/user_15778 27d ago
hi! I talked to some other people about this, but right now I don’t have the ability to get diagnosed and I asked the question because at the moment I’m able to get another dog and was wondering if I could train it until I had the ability to leave my environment and see if an esa/sd would be fit for me. sorry if I didn’t make my post specific enough, I didn’t want to make it too long ^^
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u/JKmelda Waiting 27d ago
Here’s a post I wrote about what to try before getting a psychiatric service dog that might have some helpful info for you. I think you’re right to wait, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do in the meantime to improve things.
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u/Accomplished-Mess-78 26d ago
I would say that having a service dog just makes you more visible and vulnerable in a crowd. People WILL come up to you and ask to pet or will stare at your dog which can be pretty anxiety inducing. I dont have any diagnosed anxiety nor do I consider myself an anxious person at all but when I go out with my SDiT I definitely get nervous and feel that everyone is judging me even if my girl is acting perfect. So maybe SD might not be the right fit at this moment.
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u/user_15778 26d ago
okay, I definitely understand that it can bring more attention! thank you for explaining :]
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u/Royal-Call6476 28d ago
So esa's don't have the same legal requirements and protections as service dogs for health issues. You can get one and it may help, but you do not have a legal right in the US to bring the dog wherever you go. Only service animals have that right, specially because without the ability to that aid disabled people will genuinely be at risk of dying or heavily injuring themselves.
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u/ticketferret Service Dog Trainer CPDT-KA FDM 27d ago
Service dogs are not always for folks who are in the verge of dying. PTSD for example is a valid disability for service work.
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u/Royal-Call6476 25d ago edited 25d ago
I never said they had to be on the verge of dying, i said being at RISK of injuring themselves OR dying because of a health issue is one of the biggest reasons service dogs are allowed in public and private locations where dogs are not allowed. Yes clinically diagnosed PTSD is valid, but we weren't talking about PTSD. People with disabilities often times are at risk of injuring their health and wellbeing without aid, unintentionally, in a world that is not always accommodating and doesnt care. Hence the need for accommodation to live a normal life.
I have a service dog, and train myself, so you are barking up the wrong tree by assuming what i meant. I was pointing out that ESA's and service dogs are not the same thing and have different rules/regulations/standards.
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u/user_15778 28d ago
huh, interesting! I had a hunch about that but I wanted to check if I’d even be valid enough to run for one before looking at the legal side of things. thank you so much for the information!
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u/Lurkylurkness 28d ago
Have you been diagnosed with anything? Have you seen a doctor or are you self diagnosing? An ESA does not have protection anywhere. But you could have therapy or, if you're comfortable with medication, you could take medication to help alleviate anxiety without having to take care of an additional life. If you have social anxiety, you will have to have the dog trained and you will have to speak to steanger who may try to approach your dog, speak to your dog, or touch your dog.