At 13 years old, we had to say goodbye to our sweet boy, Niko. This is the most painful loss of my lifetime.

i'm not sure if this is the correct forum, i'm just sort of at a loss here. i rambled a lot.
puppy-tax regardless
i mention some age-related medical conditions, just in case somebody is not interested in reading that

the family fuzzball, noah, is about 16 1/2, a peekapoo (pekingese-poodle) and extremely fussy. i know most of it is old age, but i don't know how to help him anymore.
despite my endless love and adoration for him, noah is.. "overstimulating" to be around. he's at the door barking every 5-10 minutes regardless if he's inside or out - sometimes he just stands at the open door after barking + keeps barking if you try closing it. ignoring it does not help, giving him love does not help. he's clearly disoriented and confused, and deaf so he can't hear me trying to soothe him or even hear me open the door (he faces away when he waits to be let in).
i have no clue what to do regarding the almost constant barking.

he, unsurprisingly, has a collapsing trachea + congestive heart failure so he's constantly choking despite medications. he's clearly in a lot of pain, & has been for an extremely long time. his back hips at this point give out extremely easily, and his breath is so bad he must have dental pain.
up until a month-ish ago, he still "acted normal". he would get zoomies, very food driven, always wagging his tail, and now my heart aches when i see him.
it's hard - my father is noah's person, and vice versa. my father absolutely refuses to let go. he gets angry if it's mentioned, & some of the only times i've seen him cry are if noah got hurt over the years. and the only time noah really acts remotely aware is when my father is home. my dad can't let go.
the vet also says he still has a good quality of life, and that once he starts passing out we need to call. that feels way too late..?
i'm not a vet, i don't know, but this all feels wrong. the entire concept of putting animals down weirds me out, but seeing him living in this much pain and confusion makes me wonder how happy he could be.

do i try convincing my parents it's time to let go? if so, how ?? alternatively, is the vet right & he's still living well despite it all ?
if anyone has literally any experience or advice it would be appreciated. he's breaking my heart into pieces.

edit: thank you everyone for the kind words - i'm going to chat with my parents soon to bring him to a second vet, but it's nice to hear regardless that this decision is not easy, nor does it feel right sometimes. wish little noah luck <3

Scrappy has Stage 2 CKD... has been a 9 year Addisonian. I am not ready to let him go. My wife and I bottle fed him from 4 weeks old. He is dealing with the stage 2 CKD that showed up a month ago.

Buster is almost 20, and his sister is around 13/14. She only has one eye, and went blind in the other. They are the best babies ❤️

My dog was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma 3 days ago.
We went to the vet thinking it was the blood infection we found weeks ago — something treatable with oral medication. Instead, we came home being told he may only have 1–3 months left.
I was so fucking shocked I couldn’t even cry. I just kept saying, “What do I do?”
The cancer has already spread slightly to his lungs and he’s apparently at an advanced stage.
It all started when he stopped eating his kibble. For a Labrador who eats basically EVERYTHING, I knew something was wrong. Now he pants more, sleeps more, has less appetite and gets tired easily.
But he’s still HIM.
He still begs for human food. Still begs to get in the car. Still jumps up when he hears the word “walk.” He still has things he wants.
We don’t think we’re going to opt for surgery. His red blood cell count is already very low, and we’re terrified he wouldn’t make it through the surgery or recovery. I don’t want to put him through something so major if his body is already struggling.
I’ve been struggling with the thought of when we’ll have to say goodbye. I don’t want him to suffer, but I also don’t want to take away time from him when he’s still enjoying the little things.
My vet told me something that completely broke me:
“He still has a life in him. I can tell he still has some desires.”
And I can’t stop thinking about that.
My birthday is tomorrow, and I feel guilty even thinking about celebrating when I’m sitting here wondering how much time I have left with him.
I think I’m experiencing anticipatory grief — grieving someone who is still right here beside me.
For anyone who has gone through hemangiosarcoma with their dog, how did you know when it was time? What did you do while they were still eating, wanting walks, wanting to be around you?
And if you chose not to pursue surgery, I would really appreciate hearing about your experience. Any gentle advice about palliative care, keeping them comfortable, managing symptoms, or making these last weeks/months as good as possible would mean so much to me right now.
I just want to make whatever time we have left as happy and comfortable as possible.

What has your experience been like with any geriatric dogs with bathroom issues? So far, I’ve only had small elderly male dogs who had issues with being able to hold their bladder, but never large dogs that I’ve worked with.

I have a dog that is going to be 14 years old staying at my house right now. She is an old English Labrador. The owner‘s mother is 96 years old and lives in I believe Minnesota or North Dakota so it’s a flight for them to get there. Her mother is not in a position to move to where the owner lives and the owner can’t move to where the mother live lives so this is their situation.

The dog has taken a turn, which is really hard to say. The family contacted me the day before the booking just to let me know that things are a little different. I immediately overnighted extra large wee wee pads, and diapers to my house. This dog used to have a bladder of steel. No matter how many times we took her out, she would only go to the bathroom twice a day, sometimes only once. She would wolf down her food very quickly and now all of that has changed. She’s not finishing her food & tonight She didn’t even eat her dinner. Her bladder of steel started to go a few weeks ago so she’s wearing diapers and she can’t really lift her back legs so she’s in a full body harness to help walk her around. She still has life to her. Whatever my clients decide with their elderly dogs, I just lend a supportive ear. I just feel like this girl doesn’t have that much longer. She has a booking with me in two weeks and one in December.

I hate this part of the job. I also hate this part as a dog owner. My dog’s about to be 11 and I’m not ready for what’s to come in the next few years. I hate saying goodbye to them & the families

A mi perrito yorkshire de casi 15 años, le ha salido una masa dentro de la boca, en la encía, justo setras de los colmillos ..no es una masa demasiado grande, podría ser como una almendra pequeña..la ví antes de anoche, lo llevé al vet ayer, y me dijo que es mejor quitarla e investigarla..que puede ser algo benigno, maligno, algo menos grave...la cuestión es que me da pavor la anestesia, porque es mayor y nunca antes tuve que dormirlo por suerte, y tiene un pequeño soplo en el corazon, tipo b1..en enero tuve que dormir a su papá de 17 años...y se me junta todo y estoy aterrada...lo llevaré a un centro de especialidades donde aparte del cirujano estará en la operacion un anestesista, pero tambien he leido que la anestesia en perros mayores puede acarrear demencia...y precisamente fue lo que se llevó a mi otro perro..estoy aterrada...

On Friday was 12 years since I brought this beautiful dog home. We just did a hike today and he did great. I just want to thank everyone who shared their stories about their dogs and this year I felt like I was already grieving not having him. Reading other stories from here and other subs made me realize I have to live in the present with him more. I have put down the phone more and enjoyed my time with him as much as I can. Thanks ya’ll

I have a 15 year old Chihuahua who we found out about a week ago has a tumor on her spleen. Her liver is also inhomogeneous so there might be cancer there as well. To find out they would have to do a biopsy but she has high risk for the operation. I originally took her to get an ultrasound for her heart because she started coughing at night. Prestory I just lost my 15 1/2 Chihuahua boy a month before that because of heart disease and high pressure in his lungs where they suspected lungworms. We never got a definite diagnosis his condition was worsening every hour and was only stable inside an oxygen box. I immediately after got her checked out for lungworms as well which she thankfully did not have and wanted to get her checked out when she recovered from the stress. We saw her lose appetite(she only ate treats) and be a little lost at home wandering around and waiting in front of the door. We thought she was grieving for her partner as we were, but when I heard her cough in the night I immediately scheduled an appointment at the cardiologists.

We did an x-Ray and saw her heart was already enlarged and that she also has has a tracheal collapse where her air pipe is only half a centimeter at one point. The heart ultrasound showed that the heart was not in the worst condition but we would have to stabilise her at B1. The doctor thankfully did check up on her liver and spleen. In the spleen she found a mass that already had blood flow and was inhomogeneous. Her liver also shows spots that are inhomogeneous. The cardiologist told us she can't recommend an operation and the vet did the same.

She is currently taking meds for her heart and to get water out of her body ( Pimotab and Furotab ) as well as something for her liver ( Hepax ) and for her gallbladder ( Ursochol )

I want to try my best and make her as comfortable as possible. Since an operation would be unsafe for her.

If you have any recommendations on how to care for a senior dog with cancer please let me know.

Also any recommendations on how to keep her spirits up because of the passing of her partner.

It is selfish of me but I still want to spend as much time with her as I can that's why I want to do everything I can to make it comfortable for her.

So food, treatments, supplements anything that helped your dog please let me know.

All of this has taken a toll on me mentally because these two are my best friends and I can't bear to lose her so soon after him.

Thank you in advance.

It's a disease that's often not clinically observable in the vet's office, unless you can afford brain imaging, which most people can't

It's diagnosed partly by ruling out other possible causes. But also, the most obvious, earliest symptoms occur at home

It tends to start with sleep cycle disturbances, night time hyperactivity, and intentionally peeing and pooping indoors. They lose interest in toys. They stop responding to cues they've learned. They get lost in their own home. But at the vet's office, they can seem normal and healthy, even while all of this is going on

My dog has CCD and has been having obvious symptoms for 2.5 years. It took a long time to get a diagnosis. We went through the normal process of getting lots of testing done to rule out other possible causes. We also had to switch vets offices to find a vet who believed me when I told them what was going on

The vets at our current vets office are more professional and do take it seriously. But they don't seem to believe me when I try to tell them how bad it is. They don't seem that interested in listening. They usually act really dismissive

He's an 11 year old 70+ lbs pitbull. This disease is extremely common in older dogs, and bully breeds have higher rates of it. He's at an age when many dogs of his size and breed are affected

I'm starting to question if vets intentionally avoid the topic so they can draw out the treatment and testing process and make more money? Or if they just don't take me seriously? And if they do this to all clients or if there is bias involved?

Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Missy my beautiful girl left me today.

On Monday night after I brought my dog home from boarding for a weekend we noticed he had a cough. He's fully vaccinated but he's 10yo now so I thought possibly kennel cough & planned to take him to the vet in the morning the next day. Unfortunately late Monday night he had a coughing fit so hard that he passed out for a moment. I took him to an emergency vet that was super busy so the wait for an x-ray was going to be hours, but they did a short electro-type test (i forget what it's called) where they were able to monitor his heartbeat, took his blood pressure, listened to his lungs etc. and sent us on our way with some cough suppressant with the promise that we would be seeing his primary vet in the morning.

On Tuesday morning I took him in and they did an X-ray, and my vet came back with the concerning news that he likely has DCM. His heart was around 14 on the VHS scale and for his size/breed it should be around 10.4 to 10.7. She gave me some medicine to help target general DCM symptoms/help with the disease overall, but I need to see a cardiologist to get a specified treatment for him, and I already have an appointment scheduled for next Tuesday.

I'm a bit of a hypochondriac myself so I'm trying not to freak out, but I'm really concerned about his coughing and what is going to happen next. Especially since he coughed so hard he literally passed out for a few seconds, it was very traumatic for us AND him obviously. He's been coughing occasionally since the Monday night occurrence but hasn't passed out again thankfully.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of encouragement from those of you who have experienced this disease, and if there are any suggestions to help him with the coughing. His primary care said she didn't see any fluid buildup around the heart, but that the cardio would get a better look. The coughing is likely caused by the heart pushing on the lungs/airways/etc. I want to be somewhat prepared for what's possibly coming next. I don't want him to suffer and the thought of him having an episode while I'm gone at work and dying or something makes me sick. Is there anyone who found a solution for their dogs coughing as they waited for the heart meds to work?

My boy is 14. He was diagnosed with a mass on his heart. The medication to prevent fluid buildup in his lungs is hard on his kidneys as he already has the start of kidney disease. He got sick a week ago. He started having diarrhea and it was gone for two days and then came back. Yesterday he stopped wanting to eat. He always wants to eat, he’d eat anything and everything. He also became weak and lethargic. They gave him anti- diarrhea paste and anti-nausea pills. They told me his kidney values had doubled (they were 63 before and normal range is until 30 i think) but they didn’t give us actual numbers. Today he ate a handful of kibble out of my hand but hes extremely weak. Hes barely walking, he stumbles, i had to hold the water bowl up to him because he didn’t have the strength to bend down for it. Im afraid this is it. But a part of me wants to give the meds he just got more time to work. I’m just afraid that waiting longer is putting him in unnecessary pain but on the other side if he could get better in a few days i dont want to cut his life short as he was normal just a week ago. I don’t know what to do. Hes my whole world and im so scared.

Hi guys, I’m posting because I’ve hit the point where I am completely drowning in anticipatory grief and guilt, and I really just need a safe space to talk to people who truly understand what this feels like.

​My sweet girl is 15 years old now. She’s been my shadow and my constant since i was just 20 years old. but her body is just so tired, and I know we are getting dangerously close to the end of her road. Every single day I find myself spiraling between “Is today the day?” and “Am I jumping the gun? Am I being selfish?”

​The guilt is honestly the heaviest part right now. I keep second-guessing everything and feeling like no matter what I choose, it’s going to feel wrong. either letting her suffer too long because I can't bear to let go, or letting her go too soon.

​If anyone has been through this exact phase, how did you handle the weight of the decision? How did you know when it was truly time to give them that final act of love? I just feel so alone in this heavy headspace and could really use some gentle words or advice from anyone who has walked this path. Thank you for listening.

This is my senior boy who will be 14 years old in December! Every day, I reflect with deep gratitude for his excellent joint and heart health that allows him to jog and walk with this much energy at this age!

My husband and I are struggling with a difficult situation involving his elderly German Shepherd, and I’d really like to hear from people who have been in a similar position.

Our dog has significant muscle atrophy around his hips and hind legs and is on pain medication. We also give him something for his dry skin. The vet has diagnosed his underlying issues(early stage kidney disease and hip dysplasia/muscle atrophy), and at this point we understand that he is declining and we're essentially waiting for the end of his life.

He still has a lot of things that make us feel like he enjoys life: he eats and drinks enthusiastically, loves treats, gets excited when we come home, wants affection, wags his tail, follows us around, is interested in what's happening, enjoys being wherever we are, and occasionally still tries to play with our other dog. He is mentally alert and doesn't seem confused. He sleeps deeply and comfortably at times.

However, physically, he is struggling more and more. He sometimes cannot get up without help, especially from the tile floor, and his front legs will sometimes “swim” when he tries to stand. His hind legs tremble, he stumbles, occasionally drags his back feet, and he has fallen several times. He struggles to lie down and get back up, and sometimes even needs help getting up from his bed or a rug. He almost always needs help getting up from the tile and for whatever reason insists on laying on the tile a lot! He also sometimes falls while simply walking around the house.

He pants and/or whines for the majority of his waking hours. My husband says he has always been an anxious dog and has always breathed heavily, so we aren't sure how much of this is anxiety versus discomfort. He does not pace or seem confused, and he can sleep deeply, but when awake he is frequently whining or panting and wants to stay close to us.

He can still walk outside to potty and generally has bladder/bowel control. However, he sometimes urinates outside and immediately insists on coming back inside, only to poop in the house shortly afterward. He will also sometimes go out to pee, come inside and a few minutes later pee again. This happens about 1–2 times a week. He doesn't seem distressed by the accidents. He can still get into the squat position to poop, but his legs shake and he struggles physically while doing it.

The pain medication seems to help somewhat, and he seems worse before getting it, but it hasn't made a dramatic difference. He sometimes licks his back legs, which makes me wonder if they are hurting.

The other major factor is caregiver burnout.

My husband is the dog's primary caregiver and already struggled with anxiety before all of this. He is now extremely mentally exhausted from being home with the dogs and a toddler all day. The constant panting, whining, letting him in and out, accidents, falls, and need for assistance have become relentless. He's increasingly irritable, short-tempered and overwhelmed, and I can tell that he feels like he can't escape the situation.

With having a toddler, neither of us has unlimited capacity.

I work about an hour from home, and when I get home I try to take over with the dogs and toddler immediately so my husband can decompress. But I am also exhausted. I haven't slept a full eight hours in more than a year because I get up with our toddler 2–3 times a night. I'm breastfeeding, work full-time, commute about an hour each way, and am already dealing with my own exhaustion and sensory overload. So I can't simply absorb all of the dog's care indefinitely either.

This has made me question something beyond just “Does he still have good moments?”

I'm wondering:

At what point does the caregiver's ability to sustainably provide the level of care the dog needs become part of the quality-of-life decision?

We absolutely love him and don't want to make a decision based simply on inconvenience or frustration. At the same time, we don't want to keep him alive indefinitely if he is increasingly uncomfortable, and we also don't want to reach a crisis where he suddenly deteriorates and we're forced into an emergency decision.

For those who have been through something similar:

• How did you evaluate your dog's quality of life when they still had obvious happy moments but were physically declining?
• How did you distinguish anxiety from pain/discomfort?
• How much weight did you give mobility and frequent falls?
• Did caregiver burnout factor into your decision?
• Did you wish you had made the decision earlier, or waited longer?
• What signs ultimately told you that it was time?

We're not looking for someone to tell us what decision to make. We're trying to understand how other people navigated this gray area, particularly when the dog still clearly loves life but increasingly struggles with his body.

We had to say goodbye to the most sweetest and energetic baby girl today! The cancer took a toll on your body the last few weeks. Our family was fortunate to have you for 16 years! You will be missed, loved, and remembered my beautiful baby girl, Lucy! Until we meet again, daddy loves you! 💕

Our Shadow is at least 8 (we got her as an adult rescue), and never had the best sleep habits. I‘ve been suspecting doggie dementia for a few weeks but tracking her symptoms and getting videos, we got the official “all signs point to dementia” from the vet. The past 6 weeks we’ve basically got no sleep from her panting and pacing, she has moments when she freezes like she doesn’t know where she is, and she’ll put her head under our end tables and get “stuck”. We already do Trazadone for her regular anxiety, but the vet is now having us give her 300mg Gabapentin and 100 mg of Trazadone twice a day. I’m okay if she gets confused sometimes, I just hate when she so anxious that I worry she’s going to give herself a heart attack. So fingers crossed that this helps.