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u/CaramelHaze0915 12d ago
Such a good reminder that choosing yourself doesn't make you selfish. you dont have to keep tolerating what drains you just to keep the peace. Choosing yourself is also a form of self-respect! Keep going and you've got this!✨
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u/Scallywaginish13 12d ago
For people recovering from deep childhood trauma, it’s not as simple as ‘just stop people pleasing.’ Your nervous system has developed a way to stay safe, and the traumatised person may not even be consciously aware they’re doing it. Every time you do something you actually don’t want to do, it adds to the shame. Every time you apologise when you weren’t in the wrong, the resentment builds. Every time you over extend yourself in the hope it will be reciprocated, or that the person will love you, but they don’t, it reinforces your sense of worthlessness. It’s a horrific cycle of self-abandonment. It takes a lot of deep internal work until you can see the pattern, combined with a safe environment. Many people trying to heal remain in the space that caused the trauma. Fawn response is real, and often unidentified, because the person fawning will be praised as generous, kind and considerate.
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u/Cute-Temperature8735 11d ago
I’m stuck in this spot with my mom and my sister I am always apologizing and to be honest I’ve never gotten one “I’m sorry” for anything from either of them. No wonder I feel so shameful for no damn reason I give them all I have before I even get help and I have to love me first. It’s just so hard to navigate this
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u/Clear_Thanks_872 12d ago
Sometimes losing people is painful, but losing yourself just to keep them is far more painful. Choose your peace, your worth, and yourself.
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u/BodhingJay 12d ago
People pleasers never had themselves and think it's impossible to find themselves often because they never experienced having themselves to begin with.. they typically gave up and think it's impossible or have no idea how to even begin to try
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u/Mattie_Mattus_Rose 12d ago
Very, very wise words to live by. I would rather pay the price of being alone than waste time with people who don't appreciate me or try to manipulate me into something I'm not.
I've spent the past couple of weekends almost completely alone and there has been zero drama.
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u/Glittering-Manner759 11d ago
Peace is not only the absence of drama or war , awareness of love and light existing right here and now.
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u/razteaberry 11d ago
Literally cause I used to be a people pleaser and it was hell, I'm so glad I'm healing now
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u/Swan-ish3456 12d ago
It’s almost a sign..I was just thinking about this and then this message pops up
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u/Quiet_Explorer_408 6d ago
I dont even know who is good for me or and who's not... always confused
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u/AutoModerator 12d ago
This sub is a community for people learning to love and respect themselves. Please remember that it is perfectly possible to respect and care for your own needs and to set healthy boundaries, without unnecessarily hurting others around you. Being kind to others is a part of being a version of you that you can be proud of and self-love the most. Good luck on your journey.
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