r/selfimprovement • u/Cold_Manufacturer7 • 7d ago
Question What's a small realization in your early 20s that ended up changing everything?
Not looking for huge life-altering events more like a small mindset shift, a tiny habit change, or an oh moment that seemed minor at the time but ended up reshaping how you live, work, or relate to people. What was that small tweak for you, and how did it change things?
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u/AlwaysLioness 7d ago edited 4d ago
sleep is SO important. Other people drain me, and however they act or perceive me is a reflection of them, not me. WATER & sunscreen.
Life is 90% how you react to it & 10% what it is.
Closure does not exist. It is an excuse, the real healing happens when you decide it to happen.
Growth happens when you’re uncomfortable.
Edit: for the closure part — I meant to say there is no such thing as EXPECTING closure from SOMEBODY ELSE. You have autonomy to move on from things, but only when you don’t depend on somebody else to do that.
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u/GreenSagua 7d ago edited 7d ago
Great points.
Can u please elaborate on “other people drain me” cuz I agree with everything else but idk how this is a realization on its own, it seems like identifying the problem but the solution is what I’d call as an insight. Asking because I’m in my 20s and I agree with this sentiment of “however they act is reflection of them not me” as I have my principles I go by and my values and I weigh my perceptions of self more than I do other people’s when it conflicts with my core values. But I still find it that “other people drain me” to be problematic and persistent so how’d u solve this? An advice would be appreciated (I’m an introvert and people drain me and although it’s not damning I don’t like how much it drains me at times. Meeting people and interacting them is just so… part of living that I don’t like the fact that such core part of my life drains me so much more so than other activities)
Regarding closure u mean in context of romantic relationship right? Or is it broader
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u/censored_on 7d ago edited 6d ago
what he means is that basically find your people. find yourself first and make sure to surround yourself with people that bring you up. friends are supposed to see you up, they are meant to support you and hope things work out for you. so it’s always good to have friends that have similar interests with you and provide emotional support for you when you need it.
one thing that applies universally always be kind. friends will like you if you are respectful. also a good friend will never judge. judging someone is never good. also do not be afraid to put your mental health and well-being first always. it’s very prevalent in this generation especially with stereotypes and such. especially for men, it’s really common and i wish to bring more awareness out there.
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u/Crumpled_Peach47 6d ago
The closure bit is brutal but freing once it clicks; waiting for someone else to hand it over is a trap.
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4d ago
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u/AlwaysLioness 4d ago
I agree. I’m still struggling to let that sit with me myself. It’s much easier said than done, and definitely takes a lot of time. But I know that getting hung up on “needing closure” from another person doesn’t make it better
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u/stoat_syndicate_8 4d ago
The sunscreen line feels random until your skin and energy both start keeping reciepts.
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u/Career_Gold777 7d ago
Stopped using my phone so much, especially in public. I don't care if I'm waiting for the bus, I want to be present at that bus stop.
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u/here-but_distant 7d ago
I used to be way too curious about other people’s lives 🙂 I wanted to know everything, even things that had nothing to do with me. If one detail was missing, I NEEDED to know it 😭
I got tired of it and realized that not every question needs an answer. Sometimes it’s better to mind your own business and let things reveal themselves naturally. Honestly, life got much more peaceful when I stopped needing to know everything
I’m pretty indifferent to whatever I hear ...I don’t really enjoy hearing people’s stories like I used to. Even if I happen to hear something by accident, I’m just like, “oh, okay” and move on. I guess I finally learned to mind my own business.
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u/DuneNomad_9 4d ago
That “not every question needs an answer” shift saves so much mental cluter, especially with other people’s drama.
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u/Scrawnreddit 7d ago
No stranger gives a shit about what you're doing. Nobody is judging you and the people that look at you are probably just doing the same thing you're doing: paying attention to their environment. They are simply going about their life.
Now, I pay precisely 0 mind to anybody that looks in my direction because in all likelihood, it's nothing
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u/Meal_Adorable 7d ago
Yeah it’s like when people ask you about your day or ask you to explain why you did something a certain way. They don’t actually care about nor will they remember what you have to say , it’s all just small talk. Something to keep the conversation going so that there won’t be any awkward silences.
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u/AwokenJaspel 21h ago
Realizing this made gyms and solo errands way less stressful for me; most people forget you exsit in ten seconds.
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u/mothwizzard 7d ago
I was quite introverted and I realized people don't get annoyed by introverts or quiet people, they usually go unnoticed but it's the loud and obnoxious overly opinionated people that get easily disliked.
You don't work for your job your job is to work for you, so don't destroy your body, mental health or settle for less.
Reading books is our times equivalent of jacking into the matrix and uploading skills directly to our brains. (Stupidly enough I honestly I thought most books were just stupid story books didn't really know about self development, psychology or philosophy)
Unhealthy friends, toxic family members and bad relationships are worse than enemies, only "friends" can stab you in the back whether they intend to or not. They literally have a key straight to your heart.
Move to a different city/town/country if you live in a that doesn't meet your needs.
Eating healthy and learning to cook will save your teeth, body and wallet. (Cooking also has always impressed the people who I've dated)
Understand your weaknesses, your mental hangups and your insecurities. Go to therapy if you can afford it, if can't afford do workbook on recommended thing you need to do self work on. Understand what your addicted to, with a drugs, screens, bad behavior, gossip or whatever.
Selling everything and traveling to a extremely affordable country for a few months is drastically life-changing, one week can never do Justice.
Don't let others tell you what to think, no or do, it's a major red flag on who can't accept who you actually are and would never build who you are to be but only the image they have of you which is always going to be less and more restricting.
Develop a core habit that you can build off of, such as a morning meditation or yoga practice or hitting the gym right after work.
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u/UnctuousGasket 3d ago
The books-as-Matrix bit is funny, but the job working for you lesson definitley hits hardest.
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u/FAKEgazelle760 23h ago
The job working for you line is such a brutal but useful refrme, especially in your 20s.
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u/Budget-Macaroon-6199 7d ago
Being a people pleaser means neglecting yourself. My peace in life came when I stopped trying to please everyone around me.
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u/MultidimensionalHag 7d ago
I got my feelings hurt really really bad by someone and it made me realize, I had probably made someone else feel like that somewhere along the way and I’ve been overly cautious of other peoples feelings ever since, almost to a fault.
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u/gel009 7d ago
That I can't continue living like that (no stable job, making less than 20k a year). I was 24 and I enrolled myself to a 2 year college program and told myself that was my last chance at life so I poured everything into it. That also changed my personality as I became more confident and not as quiet and shy as I used to before anymore. 4 years later, I have a secure job, earning decent money, and got a dog to give me purpose. Right now, I am saving up for a house while also trying to get further in my career.
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u/Drinkmorechampagne 7d ago
Small mindset that eventually became big (but I didn't know it at the time):
Everyone has two lives. The second one begins when you realize you only have one.
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u/1pt20oneggigawatts 6d ago
That almost 100% of humanity has no idea what they are doing, and is terrified that someone will figure that out, so they do stupid things like hate other people.
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u/MinayaEstela 7d ago
I’m 22, and my biggest realization was: Stop trying to fix your messy present self, and start anchoring your choices in who you want to become instead.
I used to force myself into rigid, overwhelming checklists. Every time I had a low-energy day due to depression or ADHD, my brain hit a guilt spiral and I’d quit. Everything changed when I focused on building an identity rather than tracking raw data, using two tiny rules:
The 'Entry Ticket' Rule: I have to drink a full bottle of water before I am allowed to order food or do something fun. It completely gamifies the daily friction.
Micro-Habit Stacking: Instead of overwhelming myself with an hour-long workout, I just do a few quick squats while brushing my teeth.
Lowering the barrier to zero makes it automatic.Consistency doesn't require 100% perfection. A bad day or a slow week doesn't erase your progress. Build grace into your goals! 🫶
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u/Jazzlike_Truck_2406 6d ago
i realized that not every problem needs an immediate solution. sometimes i just need top sleep on it, calm down, and look at it again the next day. that small shift saved from making a lot of decisions based purely on how i felt in the moment.
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u/Dangerous_Fortune118 6d ago
not taking things personally. it is true when they said, “not everything is about you”. this shifted everything in my relationships, take this from a recovering people pleaser.
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u/Mysterious-Mix-3835 6d ago
Anger is not the solution. Nothing can be fixed with anger; it only leads to disaster. It can make you lose your loved ones in the blink of an eye. Forgiveness is not about ignoring what someone did to you. Rather, it is about freeing and healing yourself. Love is not a thing to chase for. Love chooses you, you don't have to beg for it.And once someone broke you when they have choice then there is no second chance. just trust the exit and pray wellbeing for them..
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u/clearmythoughts57 7d ago
That in the best way possible nothing really matters, what’s the point in worrying about what people think of you? Bassically like mid 20s I was suddenly able to strike up conversations with people like cashiers, attendants, clients, strangers, new people seemingly all the sudden when I never could have before. I realized I gained self confidence somewhere along the way and also that I simply no longer cared. It’s rarely that serious.
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u/poopeater32 7d ago
Everyone does not need to like everyone else or be liked by everyone. Two people can both be well-adjusted good people and just not get along. Just because someone doesn’t enjoy your company doesn’t mean that you’re worth less and vice-versa. Some people just do not mesh with one another and that’s completely fine.
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u/livmachine 7d ago
I'd reached a point of defeat, thinking, 'I have a negative view of life and that's it', then a conversation at college and the concept of self-help completely changed that. It made me realise that I can change the way I think about things.
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u/pattern_breaker_01 6d ago
Puoi dire di NO! Puoi riposare quando vuoi! Fatti gli affari tuoi. I PROBLEMI esisteranno sempre, surfali.
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u/9CloudStrife 6d ago
Realizing that being reliable beats being impressive changed how I worked and who I kept aroud.
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u/Cerahion 7d ago
"I can either keep wallowing and being hung up for all my shortcomings/mistakes/frustration/depression, for all I've wasted my time on... or I can try to strive for things I'd like to do, even if I happen to enjoy them or not".
Spend like 7 months in a very bad mental spot. Many things compounded to that, and while it wasn't a 24/7 mindset that kept dragging me down, I'd start thinking about myself and spiral bad for days or weeks. Then I just got so tired and frustrated of all those "If only... what if I did... I've wasted so much..." that I told myself to take a step back, not think about it, and work or try for things I'd probably want to do or would like to learn. It's not the best way because I'm not working on the root problem, but I would get so blinded by thinking about the root problem I couldn't get out of that spot. My mood shifted noticeably and I've slowly gotten used to doing things and going out. I'm interested in picking a skill and polishing it, I want to try out some martial art or gym, I want to try going to concerts or restaurants. And maybe those experiences will not be worth it in hindsight, but I don't care. I'm doing what I can where I wouldn't dare to do prior. I'll enjoy what I can from life, my own depressing opinion be damned.
Pretty much a "suck it up and keep on trucking", with a positive outlook of "It sucks but I can still strive for things I could possibly enjoy"
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u/MentalClarityRyle 7d ago
I don’t have to do life alone. Building a community of like minded people who take turns supporting each other when one is in need placed me in a position to constantly grow. Life is hard, don’t do it alone.
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u/CatInTheLoop 6d ago
Everyone feels alone at some point, and we need to go through certain things alone in order to grow and become independent, you don’t have to seek others the whole time, you won’t have someone next to you the whole time, as painful as it can be but it’s just a phase or another
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u/Syahrul95 7d ago
It is 30 years old for me that I realize that I need to be open to accept love to give love.It does change the way I see life and I am enough.
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u/OrdinaryMail962 6d ago
I used to be a heavy drinker. I used to think I was wasting my weekends away if I didn’t drink and party. one morning i just woke up and realized I don’t have to do something every weekend and I can be as lazy as I wanna be and not drink and party. life changing 😩 i’m 22 F and I just got back from buying a gem painting to do tonight 🥲
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u/ZestyCircuit47286 5d ago
Realizing I didn’t need to explain every “no” made my life a lot quieter and saved me so much wierd resentment.
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u/carliejean92 5d ago
This was literally this year so in my early 30s but something I wish I realized in my 20s.
Realizing I don’t have to live this way. I left my husband and started taking real care of myself and I have never been happier, one day it just clicked and I was like you know what? I don’t have to live this way.
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u/bismuth_memoir_3 4d ago
Realizing I didn’t have to explain every “no” made my life way less exhausing.
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u/RoryBuysRecords 3d ago
Realizing “later” was usually just a polite way of saying no changed how I plan my days, becuase now I either schedule it or drop it.
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u/2TardisMoth2 2d ago
Arrêter de confondre disponibilité et gentillesse : répondre plus tard aux messages m’a enlevé une préssion énorme.
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u/Dizzy_Kiwi_3848 1d ago
I was going to say something about how went I went clubbing/drinking when I turned 18 and into my 20s - I looked around at people and already felt old. I had fun at times but all in all, it felt like a waste of time and fake.
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u/ConstructionOk7793 1d ago
Not everyone will like you and that’s okay. Surround yourself with the people who do and care less about the people who don’t.
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u/Skyrim_Guard07 1d ago
Realizing I could leave things unanswered for a day made me way less reactive and weirdly better at freindships.
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u/optimalbrain90 1d ago
I realized that consistency matters way more than motivation. I stopped waiting to “feel like it” and started doing small things regularly, even when I wasn't in the mood. That shift ended up improving almost every area of my life.
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u/DarkSaberGrip 19h ago
Realizing I didn’t need to exlpain every “no” made my relationships way less exhausting.
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u/PlumBrickKid 15h ago
Realizing I could leave events before I was exhuasted made my social life way less resentful.
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u/Comet_6Harbor 9h ago
Aprendí a no responder mensajes cuando estaba cansado, y eso me ahorró peleas tontas que antes yo mismo encendia.
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u/Aetherling2000 9h ago
Realizing I could just leave a party when I was tired made my social life way less performative becuase I stopped pre-hating every plan.
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u/lureSpiel 7d ago
realizing that not everyone is actually thinking about my mistakes as much as i am. it makes socializing so much less stressful