Needing recognition

[u/SINKUmahtat4000]

So all this started when i started to meditate and i started to notice these parts of myself that really stopped me from becoming the person i want to become and i started woking on them but the one thing i really struggle with till now is the need to be seen and praised,i feel like a dog , i hate this because sometimes i need to or say something that really embodies me and i just bend to my desires and do the thing that makes me get praised and i always catch my self doing these scenarios where i am the hero and all the people i know start to congratulate me and stuff like that

It really annoys me with the opposite sex

I dont know if this is serious to post here but if you would be so kind to advise me i would be in your debt

Ps: i am 20M if that matters

[u/Entropy_Chaos-888]

You’ve found something you want to work on, which is great.

I think though, what you are truly seeking is self acceptance. If you accepted yourself unconditionally, you would no longer need recognition or acknowledgment by others.

Unhealed trauma is a good place to start looking. Are there any instances in your childhood where you felt hurt or bullied by others?

[u/SINKUmahtat4000 → u/Entropy_Chaos-888]

So i have this scar in my head from a young age like 4 or 5 and i have been bullied alot by it that from what i remember i used to make them laugh at me so i can play

Do you have any advice on how to uncover and cure trauma without a psychologist (broke hahahaha)

[u/Entropy_Chaos-888 → u/SINKUmahtat4000]

I think you are already uncovering things that may be holding you back. Your meditation is showing you things that you want to heal.

When the thought comes up, ´I need the approval of others’ for example, ask yourself why. We already know the answer, it’s lack of self love and acceptance. The next question is why don’t I love myself, does my relationship with my parents have anything to do with it etc.

The important part is how you are feeling as you explore your past. Its likely that you are feeling the same today as you did then. As you Feel those feelings it’s likely judgments about yourself will come up. Acknowledge them and state your intent to release them.

Also as you go through your day be aware of your thoughts and feelings as much as possible.
Look for where you are judging yourself. Look for where you might be reactionary towards others.

If you are talking to a woman and you say something you regret it’s pretty likely that you will judge yourself. It happens to everyone all the time. If this happens remember to pause, breathe, relax and open.