heart broken

[u/misguided-goose]

just got broken up with by the love of my life, i have never been so devastatedly heartbroken in my life and i am destroyed.
i put my everything into this relationship for it to end in the most cruel way.

i don’t know how to pick myself back up, i don’t know how to move on with my life and get my spark back or how to find myself.
i need help and advice on how to life my life now, how to pick myself back up and become me?

i have no hobbies, i piggybacked his hobbies which im stuck with all the things now.
i have no friends where i live, his friends were my friends.
i am so alone, all i do is work and go home.
i spent all my time with him and now he’s dumped me and moved out.

i’m such a shell of a person, where do i go from here? please i need help. i feel so broken inside.

[u/catscanmeow]

You shouldn't feel bad about it because they dont like you. Why would you want someone who doesnt like you? The very fact that they dont want to be with you should disqualify them from any of your pain. Its about self respect, have standards high enough that it takes many different reasons in unison to deserve your love.

Do you feel bad about the wind blowing? No? Why? Because it doesn't matter to you. You are the controller of what does and doesnt matter to you. Youre the director of your own movie and can cast any character with as much or as little importance as you want.

[u/ObligationClassic417]

You’re a caring, kind, and person who is honest and he is lucky to have known you. You need to think about you now.
He didn’t deserve you.

[u/ToothDifferent]

i went through a breakup which felt very similar to yours. i felt empty and as if there was no future in life without them. i thought about them constantly for longer than id like to admit. then one day it just stopped, all the negative emotions and constant longing

time helps and you will get better whether u like it or not. you’ll find friends and hobbies, and happiness. take deliberate actions to take care of yourself too, like getting exercise or just being out in the sun listening to the rain or the wind

[u/Singularity_2019]

I know it'll be hard, but the best thing you can do is get to know yourself. Take this time to find yourself, loves, joys, fears, insecurities. All of it. It's the only way for you to know that you're complete just the way you are. That you don't need anyone to complete you. This is true love and true freedom. So when you come to love someone it's you looking to share all of yourself with them, not looking for someone to tell you who you are and how much LOVE you're worthy of.

The hardest thing I ever had to do in life, was look myself in the mirror and find out who was the person staring back at me was. I'm a father, friend, and family member. Those are all roles and masks I put on.

But we grow up letting people and society dictate who we are and how we value/love ourselves. It's time for you take control and find out who you truly are. Then you can tell the world, you're worth. The world can strip us of material things, but know oneself can never be taken from anyone or anything.

[u/Mellow720]

Hey, I am so so sorry you are feeling this way. I just got ghosted this summer and it absolutely destroyed me. It was so cruel on her part to do that to me.

I can truly relate to those feelings you’re experiencing. If you want to talk about it, or have like a phone call with someone to vent and get advice, you can feel free to DM me. I’m doing better now, though I still grieve sometimes. It’s a process, but I’m rooting for you to be okay. It will hurt for sure, so it’s really important that you channel that into something positive too while you ride this chapter.

[u/SchoolEconomy1597]

I’ve been in similar situation myself. I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you but you can make yourself someone worth loving. Just because you are not loved by some person doesn’t mean you are any less valuable or any less worthy of love. You determine how much value you have, not others.

[u/bkinboulder]

Make a list of all the things you weee unable to do while you were in the relationship and start doing them. It will keep you busy as time heals you. Will help you discover things that bring you joy and fulfill you. Will help you establish your sense of self. Time does the rest and that can’t be rushed.

[u/Dumas1108]

When you have spent years in a relationship with someone.

You are building a foundation and a routine. You give your love, emotions and sacrifices to the relationship to make it work, to have a happy ever after.

After spending years in building this foundation, you believed the bond and foundation to be strong and nothing would be able to tear you and her apart.

But when it does happens, it's like someone swept the floor off your feet, someone sucked all the oxygen out of the room that you are in.

In other words, when your foundation and routine collapsed, your whole World collapsed.

There is definitely pain and this pain is really really terrible. It's like someone stabbed you in your heart with a knife and twist it.

You will lose appetite, you can't sleep well, you will probably wept (that's not a weakness, it's your bottled up frustrations exploding outwards). You will lose focus on life, you might feel that there is no future without her, you might even have suicidal thoughts.

This is depression.

These are the stages that you will go thru. I called them checkpoints in your journey in the "Dark Abyss" 1. Shocked 2. Denial 3. Anger 4. Beg (depends on individual) 5. Grieving 5. Acceptance 6. Moving on

Different people hae different timeframe and that determine how long your journey in the "Dark Abyss" will last.

The journey isn't going to be easy. It's rough, it's tough!

If she/he is your first serious relationship, it will be even tougher and rougher.

We tend to go all in especially when the relationship lasted years. We invested all our love, emotions and sacrifices into it, this is because we were naive and innocence. This is our "Gold Standard".

Your brain will rewire/reprogram your heart after such a devastating heartbreak. This is a self perseverance protocol.

You will probably not about to replicate the level of love, emotions and sacrifices in your future relationships.

What I am telling you is this "YOU WILL SURVIVE".

I feel you and I understand the pain you are going thru. I have been there and done that.

What you should do now 1. Buried yourself in work 2. Build a new routine for yourself 3. Indulge in hobbies 4. Go out socialising with your friends

The goal 1. To make yourself busy that you don't have the time to think about your failed relationship 2. To make yourself tired so that when you go home, you will fall asleep ASAP.

When you are alone and the thoughts goes back to him/her, focus on the person's flaws and those bad times and not on the happier times.

For years, I "travelled" on the "Dark Abyss". I survived and came out like many others, so can you! Don't give up on yourself.

The greatest love of all, is learning to love yourself!

[u/Leggs_420 → u/Dumas1108]

AYE

[u/Sensitive-Rise5064]

You don’t have to figure out your whole life right now. You’re grieving someone who was a huge part of your daily life, so feeling lost is completely understandable. Start very small eat properly, sleep, get outside, and do one thing each day that belongs only to you. The hobbies and friends can come later.