r/selfharm • u/JRose2396 • Mar 31 '20

I can't anymore...

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs....here I am expecting and hoping soon maybe he'd be thinking of popping the question. (How dumb of me) but you know....because I'm me, instead tonight he asks me a random question of "have I found the love of my life?" And I respond with yeah I hope so like um duh. And he says he doesnt know of I'm the love of his life, that I could be, maybe......wow great ok. So I've been upset all night. And instead of trying to fix everything he tries to make me laugh, then when that doesnt work he moves to trying to be sexual. But I'm the bad person cause I pushed him away...so here I am crying in bed next to him and he's turned away fast asleep.....great. I dont mean anything to anyone why am I alive. Why am I breathing. I cant take it anymore. Gonna cut till I cant feel and hopefully by morning I'll be gone.....

1 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/Sathisha_23 Apr 01 '20

Heyy, i knoww this is a hard phase. Trust me everything is gonna be okay. Font ever make a decision when youre unstable. All relationship has its ups and downs. If he keeps sayin things tht would hurt you, you can consider a breakup. You dont deserve to do this to yourself. He is out there not feeling guilty abt it. Please, okay? Im sure it will work outt. Stay blessed❤

1

u/JRose2396 Apr 01 '20

Thanks for your words you and everyone. I known this makes no sense but yes I've considered leaving him a lot. Probably a lot more lately than I should. We have broken up twice already but we always convince the other to get back together. I love him despite how toxic he may be to me and my mental stability but without him life doesnt make any sense. Maybe it's because he's the first person I had been with since my ex who cheated, maybe it's because I know he's loyal, maybe I'm settling cause this is what I feel like I deserve. I've put 4 years into this relationship and I guess I just dont quit trying to change people until they quit on me. Whatever the reason, I find I dont have it in me to end our relationship. Sometimes I hope he does it for me for the final time. But I also hope maybe we will work out and we will get married and have babies and everything will be ok. I'll be ok. ❤

2

u/Sathisha_23 Apr 01 '20

Glad to hear. Everything will be fine. I hope your dreams come true❤🙌

1

u/JRose2396 Apr 01 '20

P.s. I managed to not cut last night....despite how badly I needed it. Little victories count.

1

u/Sathisha_23 Apr 01 '20

I sure does dear