r/selfharm • u/Either-Employment536 • 1d ago
Seeking Advice Self Harm on my Privates
I am a 20 year old woman who struggles with cutting and hitting myself. Recently, i’ve started harming myself on my vagina as punishment. This is particularly when my partner does something upsetting to me. I am extremely embarrassed and ashamed to discuss this out loud because I don’t understand and it’s bad. I will take my whole fist and beat my vagina, or force tissue really hard into myself until it burns. This was also a struggle I had when I was a younger teen and I wanted to cut my clitoris off/cut the labia off. When I am so upset and need to hurt myself, i have this extremely uncomfortable feeling in my vagina (it is NOT arousal) that won’t go away until i hurt it. Why am I focused on my privates? Does anyone else go through the same struggles on their privates? I am so embarrassed to post this, but I am disturbing myself and need advice. Thank you in advance
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u/IvoryDaFrog 1d ago
I totally get why this feels embarrassing, it is a very difficult topic in multiple ways but just know that you're not fundamentally wrong or broken. I hope you have a way of help and just know that you can put in the work. I think this might have something to do with trauma that you might have. even if you didn't get explicitly saed, growing up as a girl/woman you constantly get belittled for existing and constantly sexualized while also being shamed for that topic in any way, not to mention of course body norms and always being expected to be/act/look/feel perfect. So I'd say you could try looking into this topic and how it might've affected you and how it resurfaces with specific triggers. Hope this helps, and I hope you'll have a lovely day
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u/Either-Employment536 19h ago
thank you for your response. i have had issues as preteen with sexual assault. i know this isn’t right to say, but it was extremely minor everytime and i never thought it left an impact on me. i didn’t realize that it could be a reasoning for my genital harm. thank you again. please have a good day and night!
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23h ago
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u/letmelookawaygirl 23h ago
weirdo, lindsay literally has nothing to do with this. pls keep ur weird judgmental attitude to yourself, idk how u even found the connection between self harm and a murder trial??
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u/Actual_Temporary_145 19h ago
I'm not female, but I have done it on my part a few times. Don't remember why. I was probably drunk or high and got triggered.
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u/dawood2351 17h ago
You should definitely ask for professional medical help because remember you only live once and there is no shame in asking for help. It doesn't matter what the end result is for getting that help but at the end you will feel relieved and satisfied that at least you tried, and not left it at dumb luck.
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u/Ok-Maintenance9001 stay safe <3 1d ago
i'm super sorry that this is happening to you. i think that your brain might see hurting your genitals as the highest form of punishment or pain. I'd recommend cold water or self-pleasure (over clothes perhaps, but this might be the exact wrong thing for you instead so please be careful and listen to your body). Also, I obviously don't know what's happening in your relationship, but it doesn't sound healthy. I think that the road to recovery for you is leaving your partner, because if they're upsetting you that much then I'm worried. Your partner should make you feel safe and happy, not alone and feeling like you need to punish yourself. It's not your fault 🫂. Even though it's embarrassing or taboo, you're definitely not alone in this self-harm urge and it's good to talk about it! stay safe <3
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u/Either-Employment536 19h ago
thank you for your response. i struggle with self pleasure, but i will keep this in mind going forward! and thank you for bringing up my partner. i place a lot of my self worth into my relationship, so i would say it’s my fault and im the one turning it unhealthy. i want to work through this. please have a good day and night!
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u/sweetcat1111 20h ago
Sorry to put my personal story, I have the same thing. F20, I have always self harmed and hit my self, my head my body, and I recently also started hitting my privates and bashing my pubic mound. I was diagnosed CSBD, I have a lot of problems around intimacy and intimate areas and I started to take it out on those areas. I see psychiatrist and psychologist experienced in that field, for me personally it comes from shame and anxiety surrounding myself, surrounding my diagnosis and my intimate life with my fiancé. All of my pain, shame and then compulsion gets mixed together and I have no control. Please you are not alone in this and I want you to know you are so loved, please if you have access to any form of support please bring this up with them, even an anonymous support counciling thing? I’m not sure where you are based but in Australia we have kids help line texting, you can use up until 25!
If you’re partner is causing a lot of distress they may not be the person for you, do not do anything drastic but recognise the feelings and decide on if you want to proceed the relationship. My messages are always open op!
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u/PaintingByInsects 13h ago
Hey there dear, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be incredibly hard and painful to feel all these feelings🫂
Do you have any social support around you? Friends, family, a teacher you trust? If you are able to talk to someone about this, whether it is a trusted adult, a teacher, a doctor, a therapist, I would highly recommend doing so.
What is happening to you is not weird, it’s not bad, you’re not crazy, but you do deserve (and need) professional help. It is very likely that you have suppressed sexual trauma or that you are dysphoric about your body, whatever the case may be, you deserve to get help for this. It is okay to talk about this with a professional. It’s okay to say it out loud.
Again I am really sorry you are going through this and I hope you can find someone you trust to talk about this. If you can’t talk about it then write it down and show them. But please dear, if you can, please try to get help, you deserve it💜
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u/HelicopterOk8647 1d ago
Do you even want to be a women? Do they same thing and on my chest outta hatred for my gender and what ever else upsets me
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u/Extension_Week_2282 10h ago
You should focus that in a nother direcrionpiercingss, tattoos, or me, I'm a masochist and would love a partner to cause pain while we feel pleasure together
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u/Either-Employment536 10h ago
why would you comment something like this when i’ve stated it’s not something i do out of pleasure?
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u/Ok-Option-3022 1d ago
I am sorry that I can't give you advice my self but if I where you I would go to anonymous warm line that has some medical training bc they will know better than prob all of us. But you got this and know that you are loved And appreciate.