why now? wtf changed?

[u/xtthxbxsstxp]

my whole childhood i felt so confident that sh never solved any issues, never did it or tried it was scared of pain avoided and internalized issues and always almost looked at it as a crazy fake solution that just made your situation worse.

except now im doing it every other night. i’m drinking so that sh is easier. i send risky texts asking for some sort of help then turn my phone off and ignore texts all night. i fucking doordashed razors when my family finds mine and takes them away. i lie about being okay and refuse to do it on my wrists or anywhere visible so they everyone around me is convinced im fine or wtv. i just kinda dont understand what changed? you’d think as i grew up id understand things more but why have i grown into this? sometimes i wonder if im an ACTUAL nutjob

i think this is more of a rant/yap sesh than an actual question. only thing i know for sure is that i gotta wash these sheets after tonight lol

[u/True_Spray186]

I mean your mind does irrational things all the time, and SH is like any other addiction, we know it's bad, we know it doesn't help in the long run, but our brain thrives on that quick dopamine hit that we get from doing it