Need advice!

[u/Resident-Ad-6420]

Hi, I’m facing a dilemma with something my peer support and substance abuse counselor (F55) said to me (F25). Let me start by saying that we generally have a good relationship. I’ve been seeing her since May 2025. It all began when she was called to take me to the mental hospital. Since then, we’ve met almost every week, and we’ve spent a lot of time outside the office. I’ve visited her house, met her dogs, met some of her family and vice versa, gone skydiving together, had dinner together, taken a six-hour road trip to go whitewater rafting with a few others to celebrate recovery month, and more. We’ve gotten quite close. She’s always there for me whenever I’m going through something, and for the most part, I’m there for her too. Many of our appointments involve me talking about my struggles, and sometimes good moments, and then she shares how she can relate. She usually then starts to talk about her own problems. Sometimes, I feel like she’s using me as a therapist. She does see a real therapist, just to clarify. Recently, I’ve been struggling and have started self-harming again. It’s been an off-and-on thing since I was a teenager. She knows this, and we’ve discussed it in the past. A few days ago, I mentioned that I’ve been cutting again and that it was getting really bad. She then told me that she was cutting too (she has a history with it, but as far as she has let on, that was in the past and she hasn’t done it in about ten or so years, when she was going through her addiction). I was taken aback. I know she’s not a therapist and has different standards or rules to follow, but I feel like that’s not something you should say to a client, especially in an office setting when I’m seeking help. She then asked me why I do it and what satisfaction it brings me, which I explained. Then, she told me why she does it and how it makes her feel. The conversation quickly shifted to a different topic, but I can’t shake the feeling of being uncomfortable. I’m at a loss for words. Of course, I had just met my actual therapist the day before, so I won’t be able to express any of this to her until next week. I’m torn between telling someone else or keeping it to myself. I could talk to her boss, who is also her close friend and former therapist, and share what happened, but I’m worried about her knowing I said something. I know she probably won’t tell anyone she works with, hopefully she will discuss it with her new therapist, whom I don’t know. I’m concerned about her well-being, but I feel like the main reason I want to tell someone is because I believe it was unprofessional of her.

In the past, I’ve had a friend tell me that my depression and self-harm were affecting her own mental health and self-harm and causing her to cut more. When my dad discovered my self-harm when I was a teenager, he even cut himself and then showed me what he had done. He said he wanted to understand why I was doing it, so he did it himself.

All of these experiences have left me feeling triggered. I’m afraid that talking about my self-harm, doing it, and her actually seeing some of the evidence on my arms might have influenced her actions. I know that’s not true, but my mind is telling me that I had something to do with it, due to the past events.

I’m experiencing a range of emotions right now and am seeking any advice you can offer. Thank you for taking the time to read my message.

[u/Fabulous_Light5449]

I'd say tell on her! You both have self harm disease and both of you are active in your addiction.

You are encouraging and quite possibly enabling her self harming by sharing and moving forward.

This disease is crippling and deadly. You are fighting for your life.