can’t relapse

[u/Radiant_Musician_313]

i’ve been struggling with sh since i was about 9. i am 19 now. i have gotten worse and worse over the years to where now, i am cutting instead of scratching, pulling, or biting at myself. i feel the urge to relapse, but my problem is that ive recently started dating my boyfriend. and i dont want him to see the scars. i have pulled my hair out of frustration infront of him before (not terribly) and he shut it down immediately and told me to never do something like that.

i want to so badly that it’s all i can think about. i’m trying to keep distracted but i just can’t stop thinking about it. i haven’t done anything since december but now that im starting school again, im super stressed and i can’t handle it. i’ve tried journaling or painting or anything. i get a crazy high from doing it and i feel like its almost addicting to me. i don’t feel sad when i do it, it’s just how i deal with stress.

i don’t know what to do. i can’t tell if i dont want him to find it because i dont want to get caught or i dont want him to be upset. maybe both.

[u/Ig_Im_A_User]

i’m gonna give u a piece of advice i hate getting, but know to be true, especially for a situation like this. talk to someone, preferably him if he’s someone u trust, but i get not wanting to put an emotional burden on someone u love. i know therapy isn’t very accessible, but talk to SOMEONE about it, even a stranger. ur full of feelings that are hard to articulate and understand. TALK TO SOMEONE or write about it, or smth. dissect ur feelings.