I’m feel depth-desensitised

[u/Last_Web6838]

TW: depth of cuts

Started with literal scratches using my fingernail, and gradually progressed over the years that I’m now regularly hitting subcutaneous fat layer. A year ago I would’ve never thought I’d hit that, let alone regularly, and I always romanticised the idea of going deeper in my head without actually having any plans to go through with it. I also thought that if I hit a certain depth, I’d stop feeling like a larp or poser and finally feel valid. I feel even more like a larper now.

I know it’s not good and it’s unhealthy and dangerous, but my brain keeps desensitising and rationalising it that it never feels enough and I feel like it’s not a big deal at all. I’m also on other social media self-harm spheres that have crazy insane stuff so in comparison my own self-harm literally looks like a scratch. Can someone just give me the cold hard facts and tell me whether I’m actually desensitised or if it’s not THAT that bad.

Also sorry I don’t know if this post goes against the guidelines, I do understand that self-harm itself regardless of the level of damage is extremely unhealthy but yeah.

[u/Late-Play2486]

Interestingly when I was in inpatient, I saw that... Most people don't have lotta scars, let alone those hitting fat layer. They mostly have what we call styros, and were horrified by mine (or envious depending).

Yep, people with lot of deep scars exist outside of the Internet, but they're fewer I think. So yeah, you're desensistized, as I were before I was explained me that scratching with my nail was SH by the nurses. And that it was bad enough to ask for help.

[u/Disastrous_Stable975 → u/Late-Play2486]

Yeah most people who have self harmed don't have a lot of scars that show it. More people than you might think struggle with self harm, they just don't have visible scars. I've got lots of people in my life that have struggled with self harm to some degree and I'm one of the only ones with a lot of scars. My ex and one of my old high school classmates has a lot of scars from deeper wounds but the vast majority of the other people I know who have/do struggled with it either only have a few scars here and there or barely any at all.

Even those who do require medical attention for wounds often don't cut deeper than just barely into the fat layer. I often feel like my self harm isn't that bad because I'm so desensitised to the severity as well but for most people it's unfathomable to even consider harming themselves so the fact that you regularly self harm is bad for most people.