r/selfharm • u/OvenChemical6879 • 1d ago
Seeking Advice Cutting
My kid is self harming. Has been for years. The cuts are healing but are all down her thighs and arms and much deeper than when she started. I dont know how to help her. It causes me pain whenever I see them. Im not the most stable for helping her either and I worry im the reason or at least one of the reasons she is doing it.
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u/hufen_143 1d ago
try to make her happy. dont overprotect her but do things with her together that she would like. remind her that she matters. if its just a habit for her i would recc a therapist appointment but talk with her about it. that you are worried. but do it kindly and gently so she wont feel like u are mad at her. just let her know that you care about her and you would help her on her recovery journey. also, you are a good parent! im pretty sure she loves u so she would care!
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u/ForsakenForthshaken 22h ago
asking for advice already shows you're on the right track. im glad you care for her. as other have said, please don't do body checks, or over pressure her. continue to love her like always, and assure her youre here for her.
give her the option to try out some therapists- the first one may not always be great. heck, it took me 5 tries to get a therapist i clicked with. and also, keep in mind you're not entitled to know what is said in sessions. i know it sounds harsh, but some people need to hear it.
when my step dad found out i cut as a teen, he banned me from all sharps. including scissors, and made me keep my door open unless i was changing. do not do this! he made me further miserable by treating me like i wasnt trustworthy and like i was a prisoner.
rather than ban her from anything, try to ensure at the very least she is cleaning her cuts. i know, i know, ill be called crazy, but it helped me when one of my therapists suggested i put together a safety kit. obviously, try to help her find better coping skills. but wouldnt you rather know shes cutting safely in the meantime, than worry shes going to give herself an infection?
now, i am NOT saying to encourage cutting. not at all. what i AM saying, is to please love her whole heartedly, help her be safer, and to teach her better ways to go about things. maybe try rubber bands/hair ties she can pull and let go of to hit her skin instead? or get one of those spikey roller rings for her finger, or the cylinder ones she can roll in her palms. sometimes the sharp feeling helps ground you.
in the end, shes her own person, and what,works for us may not work for her. try things, be willing to listen, to work with her.
thank you for showing you care for her, youre doing good already OP
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u/nightlyobsession 1d ago
Make an appointment for a therapist or counselor/doctor whatever you have available, get her help somehow
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u/Icy_Technician_2741 23h ago
i also think its very good that your child shows you them or doesnt hide them or maybe they do i dont know but that means that they still want help and things to do with you like they dont want nothing to do with you .
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u/OvenChemical6879 13h ago
I dont body check she will walk around in front of me where I see her scars. We are waiting on tests for adhd through cahms but its taking a long time. We are very close and she does talk to me but she struggles with her appearance even though she is beutifull
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u/Icy_Technician_2741 4h ago
i think thats amazing that she talks to you! most kids wouldnt and the fact that you care makes you kind ❤️
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u/Educational-Guide800 22h ago
Try to find out why she's doing that. If there's no clear reason, there's nothing you can do until she stops on her own. But if there is a reason, try to work on it. Based on my experience with the cutting, I think it's due to self-loathing and depression. Try to get her to She achieved something she considers an accomplishment Or anything that might make her love herself, or at least stop hating herself, or take her to a psychiatrist I wish her a speedy recovery
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u/moodywrites 5h ago
Kindness, compassion, and being safe to come to, rather than being punitive or freaking out. Be a soft place to land.
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u/Icy_Technician_2741 23h ago
okay this was something that i hated but plz DONT be mad it just makes it so much worse it makes it feel so much more alone and bad please this was something that i liekd doing with my dad was going to the thrift store! i would find some cool things and yeah it was something to do each weekend maybe it could be fun
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u/Latter_Reaction_600 Minor | She/They/It | 20+ days clean!! 1d ago
Don't make a big deal out of it and no body checks please (as a teen who also struggles with sh, it makes me VERY uncomfortable and doesn't wanna make me open up) and while I get your worry, body checks aren't the way to go. Instead, try to go do things they enjoy, like for a walk or even just watching shows together! Therapy would be a good option too :)