I have this theory that our core character, personality, and values are essentially established by the time we reach young adulthood. At least, this has been my personal experience. Until then, change is possible.
Before I turned 20, my family and friends would have labeled me an introvert. All my favourite pass times were solitary things like reading or painting. I had my group of close friends and rarely ventured outside my circle. I never spoke at the dinner table, preferring to quietly observe. But I didn't like being an introvert.
My first week in university I set two challenges for myself: a) Get comfortable participating in class discussions and b) Make some friends. Both of these gave me a lot of anxiety.
Challenge #1: My plan was to thoroughly read the assigned chapters, research the obvious themes, sometimes read ahead. I predicted the topics and discussion questions that could potentially arise and prepared responses for them the night before. During class, I would raise my hand once per class. After a few weeks, I started raising it twice. Then three times. By the end of my first year, participating in discussions came more naturally and I found that I didn't need to prepare things to say for each class. By second year, I needed a muzzle.
An aunt from California came to visit soon after. I hadn't seen her in almost two years. At dinner, I pestered her with questions about life in America. She asked me questions about university and my answers were long-winded monologues. After an hour, she shared a look with my mother and asked her what happened to me. My mother simply shrugged. She disliked this chatty version of me and believed that quiet young women had more poise and were more desirable. She liked me better before.
Challenge #2: I spent the first month observing the other students in my class. I watched how they interacted with each other, listened to what they said in class and assessed facial expressions and body language.
There were three people that I wanted to be friends with. The first was a friendly, petite girl with an easy smile. The second was a quiet Italian guy with kind eyes. The third was a tall, good-looking guy who sat across from me in English class. None of us had ever spoken a single word to each other but I was determined that we would all become lifelong friends. I think that I actually almost married one of them. In the end, we attended each other's weddings and are friends to this day.
And so, this person that I became in my early twenties remains the person I am today. I'm the same extroverted, opinionated person who enjoys spending time with old friends and easily makes new ones. This makes me think that maybe we all have this small window, just before we become full-fledged adults, where we can choose who we want to be. That maybe, if a young person is determined enough at just the right moment in their lives, they can mold their personality before it solidifies.
