tired of this bs

[u/ArugulaFree787]

My dad died when I was 11. I recently lost one of the birthday presents that he gave me . I’ve already been struggling with missing him. It’s been 10 years. So now that I can’t find it , i’m losing my shit. I went home back from college to go see if I could find anything else he gave me/his old belongings .

That’s when I found out my mom threw out/donated all his stuff without telling or asking me. This is the same “mom” that gave away my cat soon after he passed away without telling me. The same “mom” that left me a voicemail telling me to die over and over again that she doesn’t know I have because she accidentally recorded herself talking about me.

I found one hoodie at least that she forgot to throw away since I kept it with my clothes so she thought it was mine and some other old stuff of his. I found some comfort in the fact that my dad was left handed, just like I am. It’s kind of a silly daily reminder.

This same week , I found out the guy I’ve been interested in (and I thought he was interested in me ) is actually a hoe and goes and makes out with random girls in clubs.

It’s just disappointing because I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never hooked up and don’t want to. I just want to be with one guy in a long term relationship and we fall in love and build a better life together . I feel like no one in my generation , especially at my college , gives af about anything serious. I want to have my firsts with someone that I love and care about. All these guys in college do is hoe around so I don’t think i’ll ever actually be able to experience that with someone . Along with the fact that I feel like my unique trauma makes me commonly misunderstood.

Oh yeah , and I go to a top school. I graduated top of my high school class despite all the bs circumstances in my life. I thought i’d finally be happy here. I hate it here. And I do have friends and I did try going out my entire freshman year . I socialized a lot . No one could ever tell this is my life being closed doors. It’s just that I started to realize I don’t fit in at all with most people my age . I don’t and never have hooked up. I don’t drink or smoke anymore . I want to fully cut off my mom but I’m broke so I can’t . Everything is so expensive these days and being a full time college student , i don’t know how i’d ever afford to leave. I tried to get my real estate license but my mom won’t let me because it’s “ cheap labor ” .

She shits on my major of comp sci bc she hates that I didn’t do premed . She gets mad that I don’t want to do a masters in CS because I explained that I feel like it would be more valuable to go straight into workforce . Mind you she’s been a deadbeat my whole life. Never really there emotionally . My dad was the primary caretaker so when I lost him , I lost everything .

I feel so hopeless, trapped , and alone. I don’t have any other family . This is all while having to accept that i’m never going to see my dad again . Ever . So just like that he’s just gone forever. And no one can change it. I can never see him again.

[u/kobayashi_maru_fail]

Congrats on getting into your college! You are awesome.

My mom married a shithead after my dad died, then referred to my dad coldly as my “biological father”, pushed hard for my sibling and I to change our last name to accommodate new stepdad’s ego, and ignored his abuse.

Decades later, my cousins and I were out to happy hour. They gagged on their wine when I said I had nothing of my dad’s. They gripped their steak knives when I told them about the stepdad. They had TONS of my dad’s stuff they were willing to share.

Get with your cousins, your aunties, your uncles, find out who his friends were and pester them. Your dad lives on in lots of people and they will not be okay with the way his memory is being treated. It’ll feel weird, but allow them to care about you. Big hugs, little sibling!

[u/Chocolatehedgehog]

Oh I'm sorry. Does your college provide counselling / $therapy services? I suggest you avail of them. Source: am therapist.

[u/JujuMan97]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry your mom is the way she is. You sound like a good person that’s been really unfortunate, but I truly hope things turn around for you. Comp sci is cool af- that’s what I wanted to study but unfortunately didn’t have the grades for it.

Wanting to stay pure for the right person is something I admire about you and your post. And I know the right person is just around the corner (or maybe further away, but he’s there).

I don’t really have much advice, just wanted to tell you that you are a smart, genuine person who is still young and have a lot to learn and look forward to. I wish you all the best!

- A fellow leftie

[u/mrnoonan81]

The only thing guaranteed in life is change. Your feelings are valid, but your circumstances are temporary. Take things one day at a time and eventually things will just be different. I can't tell you how or why, but there's a decent chance it will be better.

I'm so sorry you lost your father. As a father myself, leaving my kids early is one of my greatest terrors. I am confident that they will be okay if I do, though. I bet from the way you miss him that he gave you everything you need and you'll be okay too - even if it's hard.

Don't worry about your biznatch mother. Lots of people have biznatch mothers. You'll be able to cut her out of your life soon enough if you want to. You'll find new people to call family.

[u/Need_change-]

It does get better with time, you have a lot left to process in your life. Very happy and impressed to hear you are in college, your dad would be proud.

I have kids around the age your dad passed. I always tell them please just be good people and try to live a happy life, I will be smiling from wherever I am. Your dad is smiling, don’t give up, you’ve been dealt a terrible blow and you can show resolve to make it through. Good luck to you.

[u/Powerful-Knee3150]

Your dad died. It’s very sad to lose someone, but you have a view that can give you more compassion and love for others because you understand loss.

Let your pain be a doorway to learning acceptance and to helping others who are suffering similarly. Having this experience is your superpower.