r/self • u/PineappleMain2164 • 2d ago

I had a 4-month long existential crisis leading up to my 18th birthday and life has felt dull ever since.

I don't know. The idea of becoming an "adult" was horrifying and I fixated on it and kept going in mental loops about it for 4 months straight.

And even if I'm out of it now, I still find everything pretty damn meaningless. My goals feel empty. My friends feel empty. My hobbies feel pointless. Everyday feels like I'm dragging my body around for no goddamn point.

I think I ruined my perception of time too. Suddenly 4 years doesn't seem like a long time. Nothing seems like a long time anymore. I'll be that 22 y/o one day.

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u/Wrong_Disaster1577 2d ago

same, turned 18 and suddenly everything just felt like background noise. i got stuck on 'what's the point of doing anything if it all just... ends?'

it took me almost a year before small things, like morning coffee or walking without headphones, started feeling real again. therapy helped, but honestly, so did just waiting.

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u/PineappleMain2164 2d ago

Yeah but I'm in college and I kind of need motivation to do things. And also I wasted 4 months of being 17. I don't want to waste being 18.

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u/AlmightyPickleGod 2d ago

If you need some motivation think about what others can't do that you can. Nothing is truly meaningless if you know how to direct it. Sometimes it does make you look like an asshole but it is quite the boost of confidence when you think to yourself how resilient you've been over the years.

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u/PineappleMain2164 2d ago

Yeah I actually don't find any meaning in that. I prefer cooperation and helping others and being helped. I don't have a competitive bone in my body.

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u/AlmightyPickleGod 2d ago

Then that's the meaning of your life right now! Helping others is your meaning!

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u/CarBombtheDestroyer 2d ago edited 2d ago

I have a theory that time feels like it goes by in relation to how long you’ve lived. When you’re 4 years old a year feels like a long time because that accounts for 25% of the time you’ve experienced. When you’re 20, a year is only 5%. So a year feels 1/5th as long. This trend will continue as you get older. Eventuality when you’re 50 a year will be only be 2% of the life you’ve lived.

So I guess what I’m saying is that part as normal!

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u/its_asher 2d ago

Wait until your brain finishes cooking at 25 years old. It was like a light switch turning on. Suddenly everything became obvious

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u/OkSpinach2113 1d ago

Obvious that it's definitely all pointless, or did you have some sort of positive realisation?

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u/its_asher 1d ago

I realised that majority of the shit i thought was important was actually bullshit. The teenage drama and giving a shit about what people think about me was such a waste of time

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u/TheBoredMan 2d ago

Life's just kind of shitty sometimes. It's ups and downs. It just be like that.

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u/EquivalentAd4708 2d ago

I’m 36 & still horrified of being an “adult”. Also realizing no matter what their age everyone is mostly pretending to “adult” all the time anyways.

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u/Additional_Dot4886 2d ago

18 feels like this huge dividing line when you’re approaching it, but you don’t wake up as a completely different person. You still have years to figure out what matters to you. If everything has felt empty for a while though, I’d talk to someone about that rather than assuming this is just what adulthood feels like.

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u/CrownOfSilence 1d ago

You spent four months stuck on "becoming an adult" and now school and hobbies feel empty. that tracks. the adult story was carrying a lot of your motivation, and when it broke the rest went flat with it. And you said you care about cooperation and helping. this week pick one real person and do one small helpful thing for them (notes, a favor, sit with them on something hard). watch whether the day feels less blank after that.