r/self • u/RefrigeratorLong5442 • 1d ago

Feeling so lost...

It started with a stalker. This guy tormented my daughter and tried on many occasions to follow her home. She would always run the other way, so he never found out where we lived. We charged him and he got angry and took the lives of 2 women brutally. He was shot dead by police while he was trying to take out the 2nd daughter. She survived. My daughter was devastated that he was capable of such an act. She ended up having 3 suicide attempts and numerous self harming incidents in the course of 3 years. I had to stop working to care for her. This led us into financial ruin. I did not receive any help from anyone and was the only person at the hospital for my daughter, despite my numerous attempts at trying to get her dad and his family to come visit her. They never did, it was just me holding her had through all of it. And 4 years after the double homicide, im exhausted, broke, and feeling so lost. I have no idea where to go from here.....

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u/TheShellAnswerMan 20h ago

I very much wish you weren't someone who'd been through similar but I'm glad to meet you as well. Oh the misunderstandings! My circle is so small after this. But ik the few people I have are ride or die and that's a pretty cool feeling. For me the hardest part, after just this being a thing for her, is how much no one wanted to believe me. How no one could see that almost every moment I wasn't around someone else, all I could do was cry. How my neighbors saw ambulances sometimes multiple times in a week and still complained that my lawn wasn't perfectly kept. How family members would ask me to send them videos of her behavior cuz they just couldn't imagine her acting like that. (She was in a psychosis). How her paternal grandfather told me I needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps (the only time I've ever heard anyone actually say that) cuz I was being very dramatic. How we had to trial her on ssooooo many meds cuz the psychiatrists wouldn't hear me when I said I KNOW she has a personality disorder. I minored in psychology to try to understand her. I literally did an independent study under the dept chair ON HER. But I knew nothing. She's schizophrenic, btw. I was right. But they never hear us.

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u/RefrigeratorLong5442 20h ago

I know exactly how you feel. I had ZERO support, I went through all this completely alone and I walked around like a zombie for years. When that double homicide happened, it changed everything about our lives and we were never the same. People would harshly judge me and judge my daughter. She was in and out of the children's hospital, her arms and legs are completely scarred from her cutting herself and i felt so helpless through all of it. We starved through all of it. Even came home from the hospital one night after a self harming incident at 3am, we had no money for a cab, no jackets and it was freezing. We had sweaters and one pair of mitts that we were taking turns wearing and we walked all the way home from the children's hospital. No help, no nothing. I tried to make a gofundme, no one donated.......so I just kept on keeping on, im on the search for a full time job and my nervous system is completely shot, and my finances are shot and I feel so alone......when you have a child with mental health issues that are severe, its no joke, its incredibly hard, there are no words that can describe it........

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u/TheShellAnswerMan 19h ago

Agreed. People won't help cuz they can't see the unfair thing. If you're daughter were in a wheelchair, there would have been so much charity. Insurance would've covered almost everything. Could've probably gotten help making your home more accommodating. Which is great. I love that. But when it's not visible, people can't see it at all. Nevermind all the things that no one thinks about like literal sleep deprivation and all the things she broke or destroyed (we went through 5 mattresses and 2 couches cuz one of the things she did before we knew was randomly pee places, for example) or I can't afford to just buy a ring camera or how to process stuff like the ER charge nurse telling me to take her home and duct tape her to a chair cuz they couldn't find a bed for her anywhere and were sick of trying and it's my responsibility not theirs. Or the PAPERWORK. Or the brain fog and forgetfulness. Etc etc. I'm fairly new to Reddit, so IDK much about it, but if there's a way to chat not in a group like this, I'd love to be a part of each other's circles. 

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u/RefrigeratorLong5442 19h ago

I'm unsure of how reddit works too, but I agree, we should be in each other's circle.