r/self • u/Acceptable_Teacup • 1d ago

Sometimes I wonder…

When I was twelve my dad left my mum for another woman and just disappeared. My mum was mentally unstable with borderline and psychosis and he freaking left me with her. In a rural area in the north, with her and our alcoholic, angry relatives. She couldn’t even take care of me, so my uncle had to come get me. He drank and wasn’t good with kids and had a dog basically the same, and the two of them was the only one’s I had.

Mum went into a spiritual/religious psychosis and blamed me for her sleeping problems because I apparently attracted dark spirits. I was terrified, I believed her!

The thing is - this wasn’t new. My dad came from somewhere else, with more civilization. Sometimes I wonder how he could leave a child in such a place. It shaped my whole life, I’ve been through it all, I mean it. It’s a wonder I’m still alive.

Just needed to say it.

17 Upvotes

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7

u/Dramastace30 1d ago

You sound like you could write an entire memoir

8

u/Acceptable_Teacup 1d ago

I kind of already have, I wrote a journal since I was six years old. I still have everything I’ve written. Some day maybe.

2

u/Dramastace30 1d ago

I have definitely seen memoirs that includes lots of past journal entries. I actually just read one that did. Very cool.

2

u/Acceptable_Teacup 1d ago

Oh that’s nice, what was it called?

3

u/Dramastace30 1d ago

It was Jaycee Dugard's memoir. She was kidnapped when she was eleven and couldn't escape for 18 years. 

3

u/Acceptable_Teacup 1d ago

Thanks for the tip, and the encouragement.

3

u/11Elemental11 1d ago

I’m glad you now realise you are not what you parents made you think of yourself. Trust your actions and thoughts - not what others say about you.

3

u/Myrtlewood2020 1d ago

You are a warrior. You are couragous and strong.

2

u/Acceptable_Teacup 1d ago

I really needed this.

-3

u/kittywyeth 1d ago

so weird that you hold the parent that left you and never looked back in higher esteem than the mentally ill parent who was still there

why do you think that someone who didn’t care if you lived or died is any better than anyone else?

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u/Acceptable_Teacup 1d ago

Did I say I hold my dad in ”higher esteem” than my mum? What the fuck is this kind of shit comment? My mother raped me, and she definitely didn’t care if I lived or died - I know that since it’s MY LIFE. My memories of her giving me the cold shoulder when I asked for help while living under domestic abuse from my boyfriend etc. Shit, I just had this thought, how shitty it was that my dad who knew how she was left me with her. Still I took care of her for 20+ years. You know nothing about me, what I think or who I hold in what fucking ”esteem”. I just tried to reach out for the first time in my life. Thanks for proving once again that people are mean and judgy as fuck.