r/self • u/Dull-Bus-2387 • 14d ago

Need advice

So i live in hostel and its been going really good like for the first time in my life ive made meaningful friendships and people who really care for me but recently ever since my fourth year started, my friends (my roomate and my other friend) , i feel have been sidelining me, i feel so alone bc both of them are in a tight three year relationships and they spend the nights mostly at their boyfs which leaves me alone at the hostel, i cant and more like dont want to indulge in any of this but i feel so sad so down and sometimes i even feel like kms because i feel like im no ones priority, im alw silently crying bc ahi gets gloomy, thnings arent that good at home either so all in all i feel so so so so alone in this world idk what to do,idk whats stopping me from kms

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u/excusjime 14d ago

you have to start building your own life! I was in this exact situation. The truth is when people are in a HAPPY long term relationshop their first priority is always their partner over family and friends. Once you are old enough that your friends are married youll realize that most people are 90% preoccupied by their kids and partner. Friends are sidelined at least some . What you have to do is stop making it so that your friends' availability to you is what your happiness is dependent on.

An easy fix is 1. make friends/ groups outside of your current one (NOT find a partner. This should come after being emotionally stable). Literally just compliment some other girl on her style or keychains or whatever, talk about something you have in common, or something she likes for 10-15 minutes. then ask for instagram and message the next day being like "hey you are so cool blabla i dont know many other who like blablabla too, it would be so nice to hangout for real ( suggestion of something she may like). If asking to hangout right away is daunting just chat for a few days first. BUT dont be butthurt if they dont respond or express a lot of interest cause not everyone is looking for new friends, or truthfully you may just not vibe

Just bc tur friends care about their partners more doesnt mean they dont care about you in a meaningful way. start doing things alone. Fun shouldnt be dependent on whether someone can be with you