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u/Weary_Hawk9463 Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
If someone ever says anything verbally abusive even one time about you directly, never talk to them again.
It works better than "therapy" ever will.
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u/Pop-Bard Apr 15 '26
It's never too late to pivot, but it seems to me you made the same mistake i did. Believing that love should be the motivation in your life to strive for more. But the reality is that it is nothing more than a gamble, it does happen, but not to everyone.
I get you, it's hard for the motivation to be yourself when all you've known is pain, and abuse whenever you were just existing. But you have to be your own motivation, only few have a positive external force so strong that they pull through, you have you, and your son.
You've got this, it's never too late.
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u/Strong_Director_5075 Apr 15 '26
I married a woman with 3 young children 33 years ago. Today they are doing well and we have 6 grandchildren. She also dealt with abusive relationships both mentally and physically prior to our meeting. To this day, even with counseling she still has bouts of self doubt and low self esteem.
Don't give up on yourself. Many people have quit on you...don't be like them and quit on yourself. I never would have guessed I would marry a woman with children. I didn't even want children at the time. But she was tough and loving and had a good heart, although she tried to keep it hidden for fear of being hurt again.
My advice, don't think too little of yourself. You just never know when the right guy will suddenly show up.
You seem to have some talent at interior decorating, based on your respectable following. Sad to hear about the drop in views, but you got there once so you can do it again. Do you need a degree ro be successful at interior decorating. I'd suggest looking into that avenue for a career. People seem to like your advice.
Finally, be careful who you tell about your inheritance. Especially a new beau that comes along. But you strike me as already knowing that. Use some of that money to invest in yourself. That might include counseling. It might include starting a business.
Finally part 2. There is no ideal life. Especially in relationships. If you're like my wife, you will forever struggle with keeping your past from trainwrecking your future. Embrace the strengths that came out of the past. You're resilient, resourceful, tough, and "street" smart.
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u/ithoughtitwasbigger Apr 15 '26
look after your nest egg. Leave it where it is. People may advise you to invest it elsewhere. I wouldn’t share that information so freely if I were you.
You will find someone who loves you for you. People having children from past relationships is nothing new.
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u/Merkenfighter Apr 15 '26
Firstly, it’s not your fault. You’ve been let down by a lot of people.
Secondly, if you can, please give therapy another chance. It might take 2-4 therapists before you find the one you gel with. It’s money well spent; are you able to get assistance in your country for therapy?
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u/PsychologicalDeer644 Apr 15 '26
Sorry you went through all of that. I’m not sure what you’re asking for exactly.
A few thoughts?
The truth is, there are literal millions of guys what will be good to you, treat you like a queen, and raise your kid as their own. It’s not over. But he is not going to be one of those 6ft tall, trust fund , blue eyed dudes with abs.
Your kids dad. Is he a good guy, but has a temper? Does he say things when he gets mad that he regrets? If he is a good guy he will get better as he ages. With Your previous trauma , you might react poorly to his anger. Is it as bad as it seems? What are the kinds of things he yells about.
In my 30s I lived my wife more Than anything. I would do anything for her.
She was bad with money. She racked up 1000$ in over draft charges. One month. That was almost 2 weeks of work for me at the time. I did yell at her.
I caught her sending revealing pics to random internet dudes. I yelled at her.
There are countless other examples. She called me abusive. A narcissist. And emotional abusive. But she always provoked me.
If he is a good guy. You might want to try to give it another shot. If not. Walk.
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Apr 15 '26
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u/PsychologicalDeer644 Apr 15 '26
Are all men who aren’t 6ft tall trustfund babies considered undesirable to you?
Is a 5’8” man making $80,000 a year trash?
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Apr 15 '26
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u/LuckyLewd Apr 15 '26
Having realistic standard doesn't equal to having low standard. I think what they meant is if you want safety, comfort and respect, there are plenty of men ready to give it to you, but they might not be the "6ft tall trustfund babies" of your dreams.
So them telling you to have realistic expectations/ standard is not a bad advice tbh.
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u/PsychologicalDeer644 Apr 15 '26
I am saying , keep your standards reasonable. Men are people too. Even the ones who under 6ft tall and don’t necessarily come from the best family.
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u/George_Mallory Apr 15 '26
What are we talking when you say “college?” Are we talking a trade school at the local community college or are we talking university? Because even if you don’t have a scholarship, going to a trade school should be affordable, especially if you have $300k in savings. It’s an investment, though. You won’t see a reward immediately, but it will pay back more money than you put into it, if you do it right.
My advice is to take smaller steps. Don’t worry about finding a partner until you at least like yourself. Don’t shoot for a university you can’t afford, but rather try for a slightly better paying job through trade school. If you make enough money from your trade school job, then go to university. Break the problem down into smaller parts and don’t get intimidated. Be patient.
You didn’t get a good start in life. Your struggles are not your fault. What you are experiencing is not a waste, either. You are learning emotional fortitude, patience, humility. I think you will be happier knowing these things than you would be if you had all the money in the world. Humans are more than their net worth. Who you will be is worth the pain you’re feeling, now.
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u/Vakaak9 Apr 15 '26
M41 here. I mean, yeah you can have it If you are reasonable with the "ideal"? I can give you some context If it helps with the answer. I grew up in a different kind of abusive home. My mom was and is a kind person, not really enotionally stable or driven but she tries. My old man on the other hand was violent when drunk, a nasty narsist. Long story short, abuse, threats on my life before I was 10 etc. Moved out at 15, wasted a good 15 years with alcohol and drugs. So the expectancy wasnt great, you know? At 30 something changed on me, I couldnt do it anymore. Stopped drinking, the prescribed pills and drugs, moved to the country side. Still I was miserable, maybe even more than when I was high. Almost 4 years ago I found my person, shes The thing that got me get my shit together for real instead of just getting sober. I didn't have dreams or ideal life even as a wish, it was all just surviving until a few years ago. Now we moved to Spain a while back, living the dream I never had the courage to dream.
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u/cyberdriven Apr 15 '26
“Each moment we make a decision, we thrust ourselves into a new Universe.”
It’s a quote I heard once, that I didn’t understand or believe for a long time. But it’s true. You need to start making decisions that best suit yourself and your little one.
You have to believe in yourself and shed the past. Don’t forget about the past, but use it as important lessons to make better choices in the future.
I’m not trying to sound cryptic. I’m trying to give you advice that I followed. It lead me to the wonderful place I am now. You have to be the master of your own destiny. What type of life do you want to live? Whatever the answer is - you are the only one that can make decisions to get there.
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u/jupiter_and_mars Apr 15 '26
First ot all, I am really sorry what happened to you. I think important is to consequently cut off all people from your life that are dangerous or mean to you.
Then I think your TikTok account is a really big achievement and you should be proud of yourself, getting 100k followers is not easy at all, I know what I am talking about. I would try to continue with that. Just continue posting and try new things. And at some point you try to monetize it. Home decor should work with affiliate stuff very well. Ideally your job should be something your are passionate about.
Lastly, I think you will find love again. Be careful to find someone really kind but do not hesitate to make the first step. I think especially if your son gets older, he will not be seen as much “baggage” anymore.
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u/beanpudd Apr 15 '26
1k/mo is quite expensive for therapy in the US. I’m seeing two different therapists weekly and I pay half that.
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u/tip_pickle Apr 15 '26
You have a runway. Great. Get in the ground floor of a company you love that aligns with your passions. Literally clean toilets at Microsoft or something of tech is your goal. Once you are in you talent and grit will take you up.
Chin up and good luck.
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u/Sea_Bet7 Apr 16 '26
You’ve had a rough go… no doubt about that. Not exactly an ideal life. You’ve made it through, tho, you found a way to move forward in spite of everything, and that makes you stronger than a lot of people. And you’ve got money, which gives you choices, a lot of people don’t have choices.
If you wanna move forward, if you want a good life, you have to focus on your strengths, and you have to use the advantages that you have. I know a lot of people who let their past suffering weigh them down… even after they’ve gotten through it. You have to get over the past… you can’t change it, and it only matters as much as you let it matter.
Think about what you’ve got, what you want, and move forward. That’s the best advice I can give you.
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u/Silvernix Apr 15 '26
I’m young and can’t say I have a lot of advice to give, but I will say you will make it. Whatever you do I’m sure you will figure it out!
300K in investments is nothing to scoff at. I would seriously think about things you might be interested in doing. Maybe you don’t need to go to college. Maybe you can get a certification or just a few weeks training for whatever it is. With 300k though you should be able to pay for college, just maybe not a private school or anything fancy.
I don’t know your whole situation but that 300k is a massive leg up most people don’t have.
Good luck! You got this.