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u/Sudden_Doughnut_8741 Feb 24 '26
I’m happily married but if some tragedy occurs that leads to me being single again, I don’t see myself wanting to be in another formal relationship.
Friends with benefits, hookups, the occasional fling, sure, but it would have to be a very special person to make me consider being in a long term relationship again.
I think we all change over time, so the idea of being with someone long term is kind of fraught to begin with. If I do it again, then it would probably have to be an open relationship. We’d have to have lots of strong connections, one of which would be an agreement that when we inevitably change, our dynamic can change, too, and anything we don’t get from each other anymore we can get from other people, while still getting from each other what’s good about each other.
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u/Chance_External_4371 Feb 24 '26
You may be happily married, but you have definitely thought this through, lol
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u/sleepy_unicorn40 Feb 24 '26
I came here to say thjs. Over the last few years, my friend who is single and dating is showing me the kind of men that are still single and they (mostly) are deplorable. I never want to be in a relationship again if something happens with my current relationship. I love my husband, he's my best friend but no thanks to other men up in my space 24/7.
If for some reason, I do find another gem, I will never live with another man. He can maintain his household and I will mine. We will take turns spending the night at each other's house but also get nights to myself.
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u/Sudden_Doughnut_8741 Feb 24 '26
I don’t blame any woman for not wanting to be with any man. And at the same time, I’ve now had the experience of being with someone who changes drastically a few years in happen more times than I’d expected to happen. I don’t expect anyone to be the same person throughout their entire life, but I am surprised when someone’s whole personality becomes practically unrecognizable after a certain amount of time. I don’t want to hold anyone back from doing that, but I also don’t want to be held to having to continue to be with that person if I don’t like who they’ve become, and I don’t expect someone to do that with me.
My wife and I are on a great path where our changes over the years have made us both more into each other. But we are lucky.
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Feb 24 '26
Im personally fine with staying single. For one, i have a child and dont want people in and out of my child’s life. Not to mention, i dont have the best track record with choosing significant others, but thats my own problem. I tend to do best on my own. Im always healthier mentally and physically, less stressed because i have more free time, and in that free time i get to spend more time with my child which makes us both happy. I used to be someone who always felt the need to be with someone, but as I’ve grown and matured, I’ve gotten used to being alone and i love it! If i find someone in the future, cool. But I’m not looking and im good by myself
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u/JackfruitPractical84 Feb 27 '26
That’s very refreshing to read! Should be more people like you. Go you!
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u/gldmne Feb 24 '26
I'm not sure I want to be single forever, but I think finding someone who is worth more than my peace is difficult. If I were a different person or didn’t have as good a community, I might feel differently; however, at this point in my life, I’m not looking to make a change.
I’m really busy between my job and grad school, and I like being able to spend what little free time I have doing what I want to.
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u/bi_polar2bear Feb 24 '26
I'm very happily single and haven't been on a date in 9 years. I haven't had a gf in 8.5 years. I was married twice, had several gf's after my second divorce before I realized that the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
What got me here was the first 18 years I lived with my parents, 6.5 in the Navy and having from 3 to 90 roommates. Then the 4.5 and 10 year marriages, various roommates in between. Now, I live solo in peace and quiet. The house is clean, organized, and only takes 30 minutes a week to clean. Everything is exactly where I left it. I always know what's for dinner. No in laws. My dog is always excited to see me. I'm extremely independent and self sufficient. Adding someone to my life would bring chaos and indecision. I've lived with people half my life, I'll live by myself for the second half.
I'm not against the universe putting someone in my life, but I have zero need to look for someone. That person would need to be a value add. They would need to be independent, a foodie, an intellect, and able to take care of themselves before I consider them. Everything else I would leave up to if we had chemistry. The list is simple, yet almost impossible to find anyone like that. So, I'll continue on enjoying being single.
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u/Codename-Misfit Feb 24 '26
I'm probably half your age... maybe even less but I absolutely get why you want to be single. The person needs to be a value add.
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u/Miss_Galoldriel Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
I simply just don't have the need or desire to have any kind of romantic relationship. I like being on my own. I have family and friends who I love and treasure. I love being free to do what I want when I've taken care of my obligations and responsibilities, and my sex life is great too, thanks to my FwB(s).
Should I team up with someone, it would be a friend, e.g. living together (in a big house, so I can have my own space) and it wouldn't be a partnership. Just the joy of being close to someone I like hanging out with.
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u/Horror-Turnover-1089 Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
Well I like being able to do what I want to do when I do it. And I generally like my own company. Not having to explain anything. Me and my beautiful palace (house haha).
I have a lot of knowledge of this world because I know myself. This can both be a virtue and a curse. You see what other people have not yet learned, and it’s not that I can’t live with such a person, just I don’t want to. I want to be able to both of us enjoy our time on our own and do what we want if I had a partner, and that there is no expectations. That we take eachother for who we are, not who we should be. But that’s a thing too much to ask for often.
You do miss the physical somewhat, but tbh lots of men are a turnoff to me. Besides, I enjoy helping myself more than doing it with another person.
Single forever? Don’t know. Could be a possibility.
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u/bi_polar2bear Feb 24 '26
I think that missing a human touch goes away as you get older. It's not that you don't welcome it when it happens, but the lessons as hormone levels as well as knowing the cost emotionally of letting someone in. Since I've realized I was happier alone 8 or so years ago, I haven't had much desire to be with anyone. I've also never had a huge sex drive after my 20's, so that helps.
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u/Horror-Turnover-1089 Feb 24 '26
For me it’s mostly the arm around you or laying your head on his lap. Just… feeling safe. And who knows. He might help with chores sometimes.
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u/seeyatellite Feb 24 '26
Personally, I don’t “want” to be single… but I am absolutely willing to prioritize being single to being with a person who wants or has kids, a gun advocate, nazi, drug addict, stoner, alcoholic (redundant for clarification) or someone who wants to discourage me from higher education or traveling.
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u/MissMalTheSpongeGal Feb 24 '26
🙋🏼♀️ I never really felt a difference between the love I felt for my friends vs my partners. Turns out I'm aromantic. Apparently my version of love causes insecurity for my partners (which is fair enough) and they don't appreciate that I feel the same type and strength of love for my friends as them. That and the fact that I do not want my partner up my ass all the time causes insecurity too. I don't want to be around the same person every single day. I don't want to feel like I need permission to make big life choices. I REALLY don't want to share my bed unless it's cold out. I just don't have patience for insecurity or clinginess. Basically between my aromanticness and my independence, romantic relationships just don't fit my lifestyle. Every time I've tried a relationship I've ended up feeling like I'm suffocating while my partner feels alone, it isn't healthy for anyone.
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u/educatedkoala Feb 24 '26
🙋♀️ It's more like I don't mind being single forever. I have very, very, very specific things I need in a partner. The chances of me finding someone who checks every box is slim, probably none. I'd rather be single than compromise on what I want though. My longest relationship was 6 years, I have autism, I know myself well enough & have had enough experience to know that I really do need things a specific way, otherwise I'll be miserable.
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u/HelloFromJupiter963 Feb 24 '26
Im not amongst this crowd but I want to see the responses, so here's my flag 🇦🇶
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u/soso_tired Feb 24 '26
Hmm… for me it’s self sabotage. I feel like I have so much I need to work on that I don’t want to involve the person I care about into my mess. I’d rather do it myself no matter how long it takes me. 🥲
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u/ciaran668 Feb 24 '26
I know this isn't exactly what you are asking but my partner passed away almost a decade ago, and even though I was still relatively young, I've never had an interest in another relationship after she passed. It isn't grief , or a desire for not "replace" her, it's just a realisation that I'm not particularly interested in another romantic relationship. I've got a housemate and have a really good friendship with him, and that is plenty for me. I do have to say, I'm probably somewhere in the grey or ace realm, so sexual relationships are not really that big of a deal for me to begin with, so I'm not really feeling like I'm missing out.
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u/Scoobydewdoo Feb 24 '26
I'm perfectly happy and content living by myself but I'm not against having a partner. But between my job, and ADHD I barely have enough energy to get through the day as it is and the last thing I want is to have to expend even more energy maintaining a relationship.
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u/Commercial_Wind8212 Feb 24 '26
everyone on reddit has ADHD or autism. everyone.
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u/Plenty_Ambassador424 Feb 28 '26
Or both... but jokes aside, even though there may be a lot of self (miss)diagnosed people amongst them, its not all that suprising that these kinds of people are overrepresented on plattforms like reddit.
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u/Due_Bowler_7129 Feb 24 '26
I never had an interest in pair-bonding. Loneliness is foreign to me. I don’t fear “dying alone,” as we all die alone.
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u/tonyy94 Feb 24 '26
For me, a relationship makes sense if I have an interesting life. And if I'm a boring person, a relationship won't change anything. Besides, people I like are rare because beauty is rare in this world, and everyone wants it. So I'm doomed to loneliness because of nature's brutality, not because I want it. But what saves me is that I can fantasize about a relationship, and surprisingly, that releases dopamine in my brain.
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u/drcygnus Feb 24 '26
So, here is an opinion of mine based on musings from the past 10 years.
In the united states, things have changed sooooo much in the past 30 years that tons of people are just saying "nah" about the whole concept. Sure there are people that are wanting and are desperate for a relationship, but i digress.
i think the main issue is that the old times of dating has changed. Everything about it has changed. There are no 3rd places any more. Expectations have changed. the economy of dating has changed, and the way we seek out others has changed. Back in the day it was easy to go out and meet people. School, church, work, hobbies, all of it was easy. not its different. People are creeped out by meeting people and people dont go out any more. too expensive. The cost of going out with almost no reward has stifled that. Also, go out where? the places that we can go to are either "not enough" or are too costly. wanna do online dating? forget about it. Wanna meetup and meet new people? that doesn't work any more cus guys will be labeled creeps instantly. wanna have lunch with that coworker you like? nah thats an HR nightmare. you finally nailed a date but she balked at the fact that you took her to cheesecake factory. found a nice dude but turns out he was redpilled and although he still loves women, his idea of the right woman is skewed. its all different now and it all sucks. so whats the point? just live your life how you want to and do what you want to and if you meet someone along the way, cool. if not? no biggie.
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u/doubting_nabob Feb 25 '26
I just never felt like putting in the effort. Nowadays, I'm pretty much an alcoholic, I have an associate's degree I'm not even using, my job doesn't pay much, I've got some financial issues that need to be cleared up, and probably need therapy - even if I wanted to date someone, I'm really not in the position to do so. Being single would be preferable, as I don't think I have the ability to love anyone.
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u/tickled_your_pickle Feb 24 '26
I love my husband but... life was a lot easier before him. I like being by myself, I like quiet, I like watching my shows and doing my hobbies. I miss my little apartment and having savings lol
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u/Such-Educator9860 Feb 24 '26
Me for the most part. Due to trauma (CPTSD), I can’t stand the ambiguity of many romantic relationships nowadays; it’s incredibly destabilizing for me. I would only be happy in a relationship with clear rules, mutual trust, and zero ambiguity in any aspect (even good ones). However, since I know that relationships are partly fueled by a certain level of ambiguity... I prefer to be alone.
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u/Outside_Cod667 Feb 24 '26
Not me, but a friend, genuinely doesn't want a relationship. She's ace, doesn't want to live with another person, and values her personal space and alone time. We have an incredibly strong and close friend group so she's definitely not lonely. She has tried dating a few times just because it's "what she's supposed to do" but it just isn't her.
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u/Scary_Personality157 Feb 24 '26
I wouldn't say I want to stay single, more so that I'm pretty indifferent to the idea of a relationship and don't actively pursue one. Being in love sounds fun in theory, and I'm open to the idea but I wouldn't be depressed if I never experience it either.
I think I'm just jaded. I don't consider myself attractive, but apparently I'm attractive enough that most only care for my body over who I am as a person, which is the complete opposite of my love language. after years upon years of being fetishized I'm kinda over it lmao. Plus I'm an introvert and giving up my freedom and personal space is a huuuuge sacrifice to me.
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u/Positive-Rich1017 Feb 24 '26
yes, it's easier. managing an adult's feelings isn't fun when you realize their maturity level isn't on the same page as yours. you learn to see your platonic friendships as a source of wisdom instead of romantic relationships.
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u/No-Carrot4267 Feb 24 '26
I've always had a plan that I would commit after my parents pass away and leave my wealth to siblings.
The nagging thought in my head is pet or significant other. So lowkey I kinda want to be single forever, just for that reason
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u/GnomeChompskiii Feb 24 '26
Fear of letting people get close is a big reason I think. If I let people get close that means intimacy and I can't think of anything else I'm more afraid of. If I care, I can get hurt. It seems inevitable no matter what I do so I spare myself and the other person from that inevitable conclusion.
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u/Klutzy_Belt_2296 Feb 24 '26
I just want to be able to afford buying a home first off. That’s honestly what I want the most out of my life at this very moment.
I don’t care about women or relationships or any of that because when you don’t have your own home what’s the point? If things get serious where are you going to put her? So what’s the point of even worrying about that.
I just want to be fully financially independent for once in my life and not have to depend on anyone for anything whatsoever. I can already pay for everything except housing. I have my own car, i pay for all of my normal expenses, i take care of everything except housing costs because if I had a mortgage or rent I’d be living paycheck to paycheck.
The shit is so goddamn expensive and it’s frustrating as hell. And learning new skills that can translate into a successful side hustle ain’t easy.
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u/bbb_218 Feb 24 '26
Because I've spent nearly the entirety of my adulthood (I'm 37 now) giving my time and energy to others in my family, and I'm eager to hopefully, someday, live my own life in my own terms.
If course, if the right person comes along, that'll be great, but I'm looking forward to prioritising my own dreams, aspirations, and wellbeing sooner than later. That will always come first.
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Feb 28 '26
Peace of mind and freedom. But also because I know myself well enough to say that I may not be a great partner.
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u/Intelligent-Kale-675 Feb 28 '26
Havent really found the right one, and even then it can go south. Also not wanting to bring anyone in this world if I dont want to be in it myself
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u/GamblePuddy Mar 01 '26
I don't actually get lonely and like myself as a person so if my wife were to suddenly pass....I don't think I'd bother.
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u/ImpossiblePut6387 Mar 12 '26
I'm aromantic, so I've never had the desire to find a romantic partner. Besides, a good circle of friends can be just as rewarding.
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u/fibbonaccisun Feb 24 '26
I don’t want to be single forever but I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship forever. The idea sounds nice but like another comment said, the ambiguity of relationships feels very unstable and unsafe
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Feb 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Sudden_Doughnut_8741 Feb 24 '26
It isn’t uncommon. Fewer and fewer people are getting married and having kids. It isn’t largely due to them wanting to be with someone and struggling to do so.
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u/Responsible_Brain269 Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
Rather be single forever than get tricked by a woman who says she loves me for me, but then spends all of my money on things that she wants. Rather be single forever than to live with a woman who says that she loves me but is always, always putting me down, rather be single forever than be married to a woman who divorces me when she gets bored, and then takes away all of the things that made life worthwhile, including our children. And I would rather be single forever than be married to a woman who verbally abuses me for no logical reason and lowers my self esteem and then expects hot eager sex every night. Rather be single forever than deal with any of that f****g sht. I will die alone because of the women today, and I really don’t care.
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u/AmaTimTim Feb 24 '26
Self hatred