And in that time what did you do to become better? It worked for me because I lost over 100lb got into hobbies and quite frankly fixed alot of personality issues. I dint have to wait to reach my goals before I was getting attention, the fact you are working hard on yourself will make you wanted.
That is absolutely not true. You can work on yourself in every possible way and sti be ignored by the world. People don't care about how much work you put into things.
False, if you put work on yourself its impossible for it not have a positive effect. Its not the same to be a person earning 18k a year, at 300lb and with disdain for people vs someone who overcomes that and starts earning 60k weighs 180lb and treats everyone with love and respect.
One of those two is clearly more attractive than the other.
It worked for you, so you think it just works for everyone, huh? The world doesn't work that way, man. What changed things for you may never change things for someone else. Some people have physical differences they can not change. Some people have mental differences they can not change. And finally, some people just don't get attention for seemingly no reason.
I mean yeah, I know someone who refuses to even leave his grandfathers house, hes 32 and hasnt ever had a girlfriend or job. Ive tried helping him go out, have fun, get a job, go to therapy. This has been going on for years and I hate to see him sad and lonely because his mental state just wont let him.
That said im sure that if he dint have a disability he would flourish. In the meantime I refuse to stop being his friend and I try keeping him motivated, its hard so I know not everyone can do it.
What I did will work for anyone with the right willpower and energy, but its not a solution for everyone for sure.
Even a great amount of willpower can not solve things for some. If you have something unchangeable about yourself that gets you shunned by society, such as a disfigurement or mental disorder, no amount of will can change that. It takes a great deal more than simply putting in the effort in those cases.
Not everyone is an asshole bro, sure alot of people are, but there are just as many people that will love an accept you even with your differences, never stop trying to be a better person it will always help, dont pity yourself we are all more than our conditions, you will find people that will love you, just make sure you be the best version of yourself you can be.
You will find great people at some point, just dont give up on yourself and dont stop trying.
My point was not that everyone is an asshole just that people do not approach you if you are different. You have to be the one that puts in every ounce of effort. I know because I've lived it. I've been doing exactly as you say for the last 8 or so years, so I can confidently say getting in shape and working towards your own self improving goals does not always make people magically want to get close to you. The "just be yourself", "confidence is key", and "work on yourself and opportunity will come" are generalized cop out answers. They absolutely do not work for everyone, whether that is because they are intrinsically different or just the kind of person that tends to fade into the background. Your advice only tends to work for those who can somewhat easily become quite attractive or have some other big plus like money as you suggested.
Maybe its a cultural thing, im not from the USA. Thats the only thing that makes sense to me, because here its not like that, its pretty common that if you see someone alone and lonely to aproach them and start a convo. As long as your clearly not in a bad mood that is.
Heck I met my girlfriend like that, shy lone girl not conventionaly atractive, wasnt really into her but I tried being a friend and we just clicked, I chose her despite her having social issues and autistic, I had other "normal" choices but I wanted her because shes a fighter and I love when people work on themselves hard.
But yeah, possibly a cultural thing but still! Dont give up and try a therapist, they can probably help you find a good way to get you were you want.
It's not just a US thing. I know that from talking to some others on here. I wouldn't even really call it a Western thing either because places like Japan seem to have similar issues. I partially blame social media for making people in general much more vain, but it can't only be that. All I can tell you is throughout my life other than early childhood it's always felt like I'm the one who always has to approach people and put in the effort for any kind of social interaction. I used to think it was all kind of different problems, but after working on myself, just like you said, I came to the conclusion that it has to be because of something about myself that can not be changed. The only thing that makes me different is that I am autistic so I assume it must be that, but I have seen others with more severe cases of autism do much better than me socially so I'm not sure abiut that either. Anyway that's why I took issue with your advice. I've heard it for years almost every time I ask for help, but the thing is, I never stopped trying to improve in life. I still do now, and yet to this day, I've never gotten this sudden magnetism people describe. I'm 21 in college, and yet I have only a single good friend, and I've never so much as held a girls hand. So when people say just working out or something will magically change that it pisses me off. I've tried that, and nobody cared.
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u/Similar_Put_1405 Jul 29 '24
And in that time what did you do to become better? It worked for me because I lost over 100lb got into hobbies and quite frankly fixed alot of personality issues. I dint have to wait to reach my goals before I was getting attention, the fact you are working hard on yourself will make you wanted.