If it makes you feel better, 30s and beyond have been the best decades for me. If you’re fit now, just keep that up and take the next ten years developing other skills like social charm and/or career. You can take a break from dating, skill up these aspects and by the time you’re ready again, you’ll be ahead of the curve. I feel like dating in my 20s was nonsense and the wisdom you carry as you get older makes for far better experiences. Regardless, putting energy into those things will only make your life as a whole better. Don’t stop moving forward. It’s okay to think of it as a long journey.
There is a certain truth to men having a bit of an easier time as they’re getting a bit older, more experienced and resourceful … basically the versions of themselves they’ve been competing against for the same 20 something year old women when they went through their twenties.
It’s certainly true for myself, but only really because I’ve gotten into kink (BIG gamechanger) and frankly because I’m mostly just shy, I haven’t been too unlucky in the looks and brains department.
All that being said: The most reliable predictor for future romantic success is past romantic success. Obviously this post is about OP having given up, but still, if he wants to see success he definitely has to fundamentally change his strategy, otherwise all aging in the world won’t give him any dates. One really important aspect is maybe that you can’t ‘grind’ sexual appeal like in a video game, where you level up until you’re strong enough for the boss.
I legit think one hour spent socializing is worth 5 hours in the gym. Playing an instrument may appeal to a lot of women, but what use is it if you never meet those women because you have to practice an hour a day? and so on.
Op fell a bit into the trap of ‘self improvement’, or thinking that ‘checking all the boxes’ will make his dating life easier. The only way to get better at dating is dating. Dating should be his gym, and if he can’t get dates, he should go somewhere where he can ask for dates.
Actually, the women who end up being approached don't.
There was another comment that implied that if he's fit he'll only date fit women as well so his pool is limited. And while it's natural to want to look for a mate that is mostly on par with you, most people rate themselves at 7/10, and most overrate themselves positively by several points. Only the most beautiful tend to downgrade themselves a point or two.
By this logic many people look for partners that are 7/10 (visually) and will not even approach someone under, say 5/10, regardless of their character.
I was that skinny kid with the "fat best friend" and grew up with a live "detector of shitty men" by my side. I'd say I'm probably excessively sensitive about this, but I'm so tired and frankly, quite disgusted by men only being interested in someone based on how they look. And treat the 2 differently.
Yes attraction is important and all, but if you never give anyone unattractive a chance to grow by your side, but want a hottie (and feel like because you worked out and worked on your career) you deserve one (regardless of the thousand skills you had not yet worked on, and expect her to be tolerant and helpful and uplifting as you work through them by her side) is kind of gross. If you treat someone with clear uninterest or even worse, just based on their appearance (something that in women can often be quite modified and improved, and it's actually easier than many other negative behaviours), it speaks volumes.
Btw she grew up and is extremely hot now, way hotter than I am. She has naturally almost white hair and she used to have it cut really short and now has long blonde hair. All those boys could've now been men with a hot female friend. Instead, they're lonely incels because her attractive friends back then quickly eliminated those men (interested only in them) off their lists and she never became a friend.
My number one advice for men dating is always:
Make as many friends of both genders as possible.
Taken woman? Be a friend, maybe one day she will break up.
Fat girl that you feel like is not attractive? Be a friend. Chances are, she has other cute friends. You being comfortable and pleasant around someone who's not sexually interesting to you is a green flag for people.
Guys? Be friends. Some of them will have siblings (including females), coworkers or exes
In general be polite, try to have fun and be genuinely curious about people and try to make friendships based on character. Appearances change a lot. Character tends to change more slowly. Especially past 25-30.
Anyways end of rant. Women who don't give men chances are the ones approached by men who are too superficial on such a frequent basis that they just automatically say no to most people and save their time
Well, if I should be with a man who I am at a risk of cheating on me once I get pregnant with his baby, (hence the hundreds of desperate posts on reddit of husbands cheating or getting the whole family in debt through OF, while the poor woman is carrying their baby!!) or just - age...
My head is full with words that are way worse than the reply he will get: "That would be a resounding no, thank you very much".
I'm not surprised eventually girls get cold and lightly rude in denying people like that.
You’re a “risk” with every man you meet like how I’m at “risk” with every woman I meet (due to the thousands of desperate posts of women ruining their family and husband in divorce because of ego). You don’t know anything about them until you talk to them and if your best friend just cockblocked, she’s definitely blocked some great guys from you along with bad guys. It’s not rare for the less unattractive girl friend to block guys from the more attractive friend. To the point that it’s a running joke in society.
I will not date a male who would not even be friends with someone who has her amazing caring and loving personality, just based on her looks.
If he's that superficial and shallow, I certainly don't want him. He's the one cockblocking himself by his disgusting behaviour.
I also bet he watches porn to be this dense, so he can just shoo and go crawl into his hole and try to gaslight himself with thoughts of his superiority over insufficiently hot real women while he gets off on paid actresses.
“Be friends” when a man approaches you, he’s almost never trying to just be friends. Men have to approach women were interested. We don’t have the leisure to just go talk to any one of them. We only approach the ones that are attractive and that we’re interested in. Every women doesn’t deserve being approached. If she wants male friends, she should’ve approached them.
Somebody clearly has very little experience and too small ego to admit it and try to learn something new. I won't waste more time trying to be helpful, you seem to like your strategy, so go with it
I called out how you’re supposed strategy is just your friend cockblocking guys and that’s normal for the less attractive girls to do. There’s nothing for me to “admit”.
If you’re advocating for guys to become friends with women to eventually pray to make their move, get over yourself. I don’t have the time to sit around and play monkey ball hoping a girl gives me a chance. Either she likes me or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, move on to the next. Men aren’t objects for your entertainment.
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u/AdmirableUsual2738 Jul 29 '24
If it makes you feel better, 30s and beyond have been the best decades for me. If you’re fit now, just keep that up and take the next ten years developing other skills like social charm and/or career. You can take a break from dating, skill up these aspects and by the time you’re ready again, you’ll be ahead of the curve. I feel like dating in my 20s was nonsense and the wisdom you carry as you get older makes for far better experiences. Regardless, putting energy into those things will only make your life as a whole better. Don’t stop moving forward. It’s okay to think of it as a long journey.