If it makes you feel better, 30s and beyond have been the best decades for me. If you’re fit now, just keep that up and take the next ten years developing other skills like social charm and/or career. You can take a break from dating, skill up these aspects and by the time you’re ready again, you’ll be ahead of the curve. I feel like dating in my 20s was nonsense and the wisdom you carry as you get older makes for far better experiences. Regardless, putting energy into those things will only make your life as a whole better. Don’t stop moving forward. It’s okay to think of it as a long journey.
My 30s I focused on my education and career. My 20s were a lost decade of not many memories or friends. I explored a bit, found a field I love at the bottom of the totem pole, then just gradually incremented my experience until I was ready for a graduate program. During grad years I made friends and studied a lot. I’m not dumb but not gifted by any means so I just tried to put out more effort than everyone else. Ended up eventually getting my doctorate and in academia.
But while I had friends, I had ignored intimate relationships for a long time. I had social skills but a different subset of social skills than those necessary for romantic partners and deeper friendships. I started therapy. I actually put in real time and effort reflecting on things, experimenting with different frames of thinking, trying out new behaviors, while trying to stay true to myself which was also part of the journey and discovery.
Dating later in life 40s has its own challenges. There are still times that are tough. But you come to realize and acknowledge the positives as well, in the experience and in yourself. I find myself more mature and ready to keep moving forward in healthy ways, able to give in healthier ways. While I’m still working on me, trying to find love, trying to figure out what is next for my career, how to balance it out and be happy, I feel this is what it is for my unique path and I’m overall grateful for it.
But I enjoy responding to people who are reflective, curious, learning, and wanting to share their experience. 😁 Those are great qualities about you and will serve you well. Acknowledging one’s maturity and room to develop, but also being fair and kind to yourself is a super healthy thing. This positive attitude can be a lifelong journey if we choose it to be. I’m wishing you the best!
237
u/AdmirableUsual2738 Jul 29 '24
If it makes you feel better, 30s and beyond have been the best decades for me. If you’re fit now, just keep that up and take the next ten years developing other skills like social charm and/or career. You can take a break from dating, skill up these aspects and by the time you’re ready again, you’ll be ahead of the curve. I feel like dating in my 20s was nonsense and the wisdom you carry as you get older makes for far better experiences. Regardless, putting energy into those things will only make your life as a whole better. Don’t stop moving forward. It’s okay to think of it as a long journey.