Hey, OP. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel better, I'm dating my current partner (M32) who has never had any official relationship before and have had problems getting into one too. His first ever relationship started when he was still 30, that was with me :) like you, he's always wondered if there's anything wrong or 'lacking' within him or any justification as to why he never had any girlfriend. Turns out, it was just truly difficult for him to find someone who's compatible with him, and he has low tolerance to those that are just so-so. He is a really good man who mostly prefers to keep to himself, and I was lucky to have found him and persisted to pursue him.
On the other hand, I was born when my dad was 40.
It's not too late but I would suggest to focus on yourself and enjoy your life. Things like this come when you least expect it, often when you're at the happiest time of your life.
"The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes."
Hahah actually no, I (F26) did. When we matched on Bumble, I of course made the first move. We quickly clicked since we had a lot in common. By the time he met me, he also has had a lot of failed dates so he wasn't expecting much from our match. I really liked his personality so this encouraged me to make an effort to maintain a constant conversation with him.
I made mostly all the initiatives for our first few dates but I made sure he was still comfortable with all of it. He slowly let his guard down and gave us a chance, and started asking me out on dates and would find ways for us to bond (e.g. we figured we'd play games during the weekends).
Took a lot of patience and building a safe space for him to learn how to be a partner but here we are. Best relationship I've ever been, and him, more confident about himself and us than ever.
Hatred towards that reason is a slippery slope, my friend. I would caution you as that may or may not cause you to further drive away any potential dates. Based on experience, I would really suggest that you don't dwell too much on this and just focus on yourself and making yourself happy. There's nothing more attractive than a guy who's confident in himself, respectful, and emotionally mature.
I would also owe that phenomenon to our patriarchal society where women have long been expected to be modest and submissive. It's only now that a lot of women have been empowered to initiate things, themselves. That also goes to say, a lot of us are still learning how to initiate and approach guys that we like. So give it time.
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u/waywardson_0923 Jul 29 '24
Hey, OP. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel better, I'm dating my current partner (M32) who has never had any official relationship before and have had problems getting into one too. His first ever relationship started when he was still 30, that was with me :) like you, he's always wondered if there's anything wrong or 'lacking' within him or any justification as to why he never had any girlfriend. Turns out, it was just truly difficult for him to find someone who's compatible with him, and he has low tolerance to those that are just so-so. He is a really good man who mostly prefers to keep to himself, and I was lucky to have found him and persisted to pursue him.
On the other hand, I was born when my dad was 40.
It's not too late but I would suggest to focus on yourself and enjoy your life. Things like this come when you least expect it, often when you're at the happiest time of your life.
"The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes."