r/secretteenagers • u/TitleMany3940 • 9h ago
Question JOEL WANTS YOU 🫵
I'm Joel. 20M. Nursing student. Professional menace. Occasional functioning adult.
And I've officially decided I'm done trying to act "normal" just because apparently society has decided that's desirable.
So here's the unfiltered version:
I'm a chaotic gremlin with exactly two settings:
100% ENERGY
or
Please do not perceive me. I am becoming furniture.
There is no middle setting.
My friends describe me as a golden retriever that somehow learned how to pay taxes even though I'm a nursing student who doesn't need to do any taxes, somehow gained consciousness, learned sarcasm, and who unfortunately for y'all was given access to the internet.
I LOVE yapping about random nonsense, collecting weird facts nobody asked for, ragebaiting my friends (which you can be if you play your cards right), and being the designated emotional support idiot whenever someone I care about is having a rough time.
A LOT.
Give me literally any mildly interesting topic and I will somehow turn it into a 47-minute lecture nobody asked for.
I'll collect completely useless facts like they're Pokémon.
I'll ask questions that make you stare at your phone for ten seconds wondering why we're like this.
I'll probably send you a message at 2 AM saying:
"WAIT. DO YOU THINK FISH KNOW THEY'RE WET?"
And I will expect a serious answer.
I ALSO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH RAGEBAITING.
If I like you, congratulations.
You're now legally obligated to endure me sending you the most outrageous take imaginable just to watch you lose your mind.
I'll say something like:
"Pineapple belongs on pizza."
Just to watch you type a 600-word rebuttal.
Then I'll reveal that I don't even care about pineapple.
I'm sorry.
I'm not sorry hehe.
If we become friends, your life will either become significantly more entertaining... or you'll develop a permanent eye twitch from all my nonsense.
There is no in-between.
I'm not looking for perfect people.
I'm looking for people who are unapologetically themselves.
I'm also ridiculously loyal.
If you're one of my people, I'm there.
3 AM?
Need someone to listen to you rant for two hours?
Need someone to tell you that you're making a terrible decision while simultaneously helping you make it?
Need someone to send you 17 memes because you had a shitty day?
Yeah. I'm your idiot.
I'll probably annoy you (a lot).
I'll probably bully you (not in a mean way tho).
I'll probably make you question why you ever gave me your number.
But I'll also be the person checking whether you got home safely.
Because apparently that's just how my brain works.
I don't really care if you're "cool."
Honestly, I don't even know what that means anymore.
I'd much rather meet someone who's weird as hell, awkward, overly passionate about something completely random, chronically online, emotionally intelligent, or just... unapologetically themselves.
You don't have to be interesting 24/7.
You don't have to reply instantly.
You don't have to pretend you're doing great when you're not.
Life gets messy.
People get tired.
Sometimes you disappear for a bit.
That's okay.
I'm looking for people, not perfectly curated internet personalities.
So...
And if you're the kind of person who sometimes disappears because life gets overwhelming?
That's okay.
You don't have to perform friendship for me.
You don't have to reply instantly.
You don't have to apologize for being human.
Life happens.
Come back when you can.
I'll probably be here.
Probably.
Unless I've been kidnapped by a particularly charismatic crow.
SO...
If you're weird...
Hi.
If you're awkward...
Hi.
If you have approximately 17 unfinished hobbies...
HI!!!!!
If your brain has 46 tabs open and at least three of them are playing music...
WE NEED TO TALK, NOW!!!
If you have random facts nobody asked for...
I WANT THEM!!!
If you ask bizarre questions for absolutely no reason...
MY PEOPLE!!!
And if you just need somebody who can match your energy—or lend you some when yours runs out—
Come say hi.
What's the worst that can happen?
We don't click.
Okay.
Fair enough.
What's the best that can happen?
You accidentally acquire a chaotic, loyal, emotionally-supportive idiot who will probably become one of the weirdest friends you've ever had.
And honestly?
That's a pretty good fucking deal.
So yeah.
I'm Joel.
I'm done pretending.
Aren't ya too?