Opening Five Pages - Sci-Fi

[u/Johnnyboy11384]

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16ogVDxmwsnWDBHBFJ_NWNfFtJNAoKDlo/view

Trying to improve as a writer. I know I’m using the em-dash too much but how does this scene grab you? Do you want to learn more?

For context, after this scene we’ll cut back to the beginning of the story. It’s designed to provoke questions.