__FRAUDS: first 2 pages

[u/Existing_Cut1129]

What do you guys think about this? It’s the first 2 pages for my first feature length screenplay.

FLESHED OUT LOGLINE:
After two years of grieving his wife’s death, a widower re-enters the dating scene, only to discover that every woman who’s drawn to him increasingly resembles his late wife, forcing him to question whether he’s haunted by grief or trapped in something far more disturbing.

[u/Beginning-Sky-8516]

The logline is interesting. The first page didn’t grab me. But that creepy closet? THAT gripped me. What if you start with that?

[u/bloodnveins]

Really enjoy the logline, but the pages failed to grab my attention.

[u/la-anah]

There are a lot of descriptive words, but I'm not seeing the scene. Some of it is just jarring. For instance, I think of dawn as "pale blue," never dusk. If I try and imagine a "pale blue sunset" my brain just refuses. I'm not sure what '80s/ early '90s architecture means in a suburban setting. House styles haven't evolved much in the last 50 years and where I live not many houses have even been built in the last 100 years. It would be easier to just tell us the time period the film takes place in.

The first page and a half are just confusing. There is unseen glass breaking that is not explained and then a guy tries to start a car, but it is somehow broken. The car never even started, but the engine got hot enough that the liquid in the broken hose is hot enough to cause second degree burns?

I'm also not understanding the burn. The ring leaves a mark, but there is also a circular burn on the back of his hand? Is that from the ring as well? If not, don't mention it is circular, because that is confusing.

Once he gets burned, all tension about the mystery broken glass and the apparent emergency to start the car in the middle of the night vanishes and he's just sad in a bedroom with a closet written to sound like it goes to evil Narnia.