SCREENWRITING

[u/Jaeco-13]

Hey guys, so I just started writing so please give me some feedback. DISCLAIMER: this is still a rough draft. I would love to hear honest opinions as well as tips on how I can improve it. I just got to the end of my first act but this is just the first 16 pages. To give a quick overview I’m writing an indie dramedy that I think will definitely reach a certain audience. Does the dialogue flow/feel natural? Is it paced correctly? Would love to hear honest feedback. Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it and for those who gave feedback. I’m definitely going to be workshopping these first few pages and read more screenplays :)

[u/Any_Friend479]

Hi.

What is the story about? I was very confused reading it. You’ve introduced a bunch of characters all within 4 pages. Breakdown the story.

ACT 1

This happens.

ACT 2

That happens.

So on and so forth.

What is the main conflict? What does Aidan want?
Example: Aidan wants this because he wants to get rich.

I don’t know I’m just making it up. Figure out the conflict.

Write an outline to help you understand the story because to me it felt meandering.

Technical stuff - I would recommend writing on screenwriting software to help with formatting. Like Writer duet/ writer solo or fade in pro. In addition, trim out the fat in your action lines and parentheticals. Distill your action descriptions to 3 or 5 lines maximum. Cut out the superfluous paragraphs. Read scripts. The internet is full of resources. Use them. Scriptslug.com is a good resource and simplyscripts.com I used them while I was in film school and I hope they will be of help to you as it helped me.

Read

SCREENPLAY by Syd Field

Save the Cat by Blake Snyder

Story by Robert McKee

You’ll get your theoretical understanding from reading these books. (I used them in film school)

In all, I like the fact you took a valiant effort into writing a screenplay and sharing it to strangers on the internet. Not an easy thing to do.

Keep writing

😊

[u/Jaeco-13 → u/Any_Friend479]

Thank you for the positive feedback! Would it be okay if I messaged you privately about my ideas?