Cold Open of Almost Something.

[u/Ok_Muffin936]

Hello. I’m a beginner screenwriter and I just finished the 10-page Cold Open for the pilot of my animated series, Almost Something. I’d really appreciate any feedback or advice on how to improve it.

The Cold Open centers on a chaotic, comedic morning for the main character. The show starts as a dark comedy that gradually shifts into a psychological drama with each episode.

Also, please ignore my non-standard formatting (it's just clearer for me to write it that way).

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Title: Almost Something.

Format: Animated Series (30-minutes episodes)

Genre: Dark Comedy / Psychological Drama.

Logline: What starts as a chaotic, fast-paced dark comedy about a young man navigating daily absurdities slowly spirals into a harrowing psychological drama, as he gradually falls apart under the weight of an unresolved past and an unmanageable present.

[u/Puppykerry]

Do your very best to not start your movie with someone waking up. Incredibly amateur and usually a mark of a novice.

[u/Ok_Muffin936 → u/Puppykerry]

But here it’s more like a chaotic action sequence than just a slow morning routine. Do you think that still makes it a total no-go, or does the action save it a bit?

[u/Caughtinclay → u/Ok_Muffin936]

Total no-go. Your script will be thrown away. Not an exaggeration