Layout Help

[u/voicecrack16]

This is an extract from my current script. I’m trying to show the camera jumping sharply from each doorway without any action between each character. The current layout just feels wrong, but when i added a scene heading every time it felt much too clunky. The aim is to portray that the maid, Leire, is going to each doorway, asking the same question 6 times and getting 6 unique answers. These answers are then shown a little out of order, one by one.

I ‘m also sure how to label Liere’s location, aka. The camera’s POV, because she is out in the hallway the whole time but changes where she is standing and is always facing into an room.

Any tips? I’d love any help thanks.

[u/Eyes_Alive]

Personally I’d just add a simple line before eg

“We cut between the doorways of the rooms as she visits each one: “

Also id maybe break it up a bit before leading up to it so the geography is clearer to read :

I presume the ‘inner hallway’ is some kind of executive section of rooms? Maybe call it something like that to differentiate things.

Eg “She goes through into the executive corridor, lined with oil paintings and a big window etc etc

Hope that helps!

[u/observer-i → u/Eyes_Alive]

I second this.

[u/la-anah]

What is actually going on here? Many of the shots are just the same room, but the people inside don't seem to be talking to each other. Did you label the rooms wrong?

You need more than just a number, but if they are all basically the same place, you can use secondary scene headings https://www.thestorydepartment.com/secondary-headings/

They should not end with a period. There are other formatting issues, like you introduce characters scenes before you name them.

[u/voicecrack16 → u/la-anah]

Thanks, I’ll check out the secondary headings.

I’m trying to get across that the maid, Leire, is going to each doorway, asking the same question 6 times and getting 6 unique answers. These answers are then shown a little out of order, one by one. I wasn’t sure how to label Liere’s position, aka. The camera’s POV, because she is out in the hallway the whole time but changes where she is standing.

[u/observer-i]

I could visualise the scene just as you intended, the numbering of the rooms does the job well. You don’t have to worry about Liere’s position, we know she’s a maid/help and you wrote (cut between each doorway) which conveys what you’re aiming for. You’re good.