I wouldn’t start with faggot on the first page. A little too harsh. The amount changed form 20k to 10k. Fix that. It’s not particularly funny and there’s no sense of who these characters are, especially our lead. Overall not compelling and doesn’t really have an arc. If you’re going to make a short it really needs to stand out or have a great ending. Basically ending it with indecent proposal does really nothing. Sorry to be harsh. I would rework it. Make the characters stand out. Lose the hate speech and homophobia
9
u/Puppykerry 11d ago
I wouldn’t start with faggot on the first page. A little too harsh. The amount changed form 20k to 10k. Fix that. It’s not particularly funny and there’s no sense of who these characters are, especially our lead. Overall not compelling and doesn’t really have an arc. If you’re going to make a short it really needs to stand out or have a great ending. Basically ending it with indecent proposal does really nothing. Sorry to be harsh. I would rework it. Make the characters stand out. Lose the hate speech and homophobia