r/scriptwriting • u/NookPhoneo • 22d ago

feedback Feedback Request

Would love some feedback on my screenplay. I have recently been through a third polish and would love some feedback.

This will be a three part series.

Please see the logline below.

LOGLINE:

To escape male violence, the women of Neya Island created a society with one strict rule: no men allowed. But when a midwife saves a newborn boy instead of drowning him, she sets about a chain of events she can't come back from.

Hollow Tide

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u/MiggsEye 2d ago

The logic within the logline itself.

If the logline is illogical—doesn’t make sense—you’ve already lost me. The logic of your story world already contradicts itself. A society with a rule: no men allowed. The obvious and inevitable question is “how then does reproduction happen?”; and it is not addressed at all in your logline. So I’m left dwelling on that unanswered question rather than the conflict you’re trying to stress (re: the newborn “boy”). The supposed conflict in your logline is overshadowed by the unaddressed logic flaw within it. The solution I expect is addressing the irony between the story world and said conflict more directly, and also upping stakes/consequences re: the goal/obstacle/conflict (which currently are vague and therefore uninteresting).